Not Now

So not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.

First time to spend the night here at my dad’s and I don’t like it. I never like it in here but I got no choice goddamnit! Just why the hell am I here again?! 😥 Oh yeah, my dad’s going out of town tonight so he requested that my lil sis and I to stay the night. Pfffft. Just pfffft. Pffft. Pfffft. Pfffft. Pffft.

Since my dad’s gone, it’s only the four of us here. Me and my three siblings together. It’s been what, three months now since the last time we’ve lived together? I missed them so much. Tho we see each other occasionally, it’s still sad not living together. I mean we’ve lived our whole lives together and now that we don’t… is just a sad reality.

My mom’s alone in her apartment. Tho she’s not really alone ’cause lola is living there too but I mean you know, she’s gonna sleep alone in her bed. And thinking about that is not making me feel any better.

Also, someone just told me ‘stop’. You probably won’t understand anything about this but whatever. So yeah, someone just pressed the red signal on my face and I was like okay do whatever you want. Don’t get me wrong, I totally respect the decision because I believed I’m at fault somehow since I’m so not myself today and my mood triggered that decision maybe, whatever. But what irked me, was what was said to me next. Apparently, raising the red flag was my own fault because it was really what I wanted in the first place. I wanted to retort ’cause excuse me, it wasn’t me who raised the red flag NOW, why are you telling on my face that “let’s stop ’cause it really was what you wanted”. I mean it was your decision now, why pass the blame on me when clearly it was you who made the decision. At least, when I decided to stop I made it sure it was my decision and not some ‘it was what you wanted anyway’ kind of reason. Like go fuck yourself I don’t have the energy to fight for this. Alright. Let’s stop then.

Buuuuutthenagain, breather people. I’m okay now. I just needed to let these things out of my mind. I’m okay!!!! 😀

I was pissed. Nothing GOOD comes out of anger kaya kung ano ano nasabi ko. Hurtful words are said when we get caught up in the moment. Sorry.

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