Kind of hard to find some inspiration to write these days. I always get that short span of the excitement of wanting to write something then ends up losing interest in a few sentences. But tonight, I think I could hold up to say a few things.
I’m finally done with meds. Thank you. 🙂 Just thinking about it makes me smile so freaking much. I’ll be having my last doctor’s appointment in a week. Hopefully, it’ll be a positive last check-up. Or else, it’ll tear me to pieces for real. Anyway, we’ll see, okay? No need to worry about something I don’t control.
This morning, I was about to start working when I saw my name at the top of the page. Your girl is on the top list, TOP 1. Hahaha. Who would have thought?! Certainly, not me. In fact, I was kind of worried before the cut off since I know I didn’t get the quota for the bonus and thought it was such a waste. But alas, I made it to the top even. It’s funny and amazing at the same time. Hihi.
Oh right. A few days left for the first month of 2018. Wow, right? Glad I was invited by my friends to go out of the town for a few days for the coming month. so at least there’d be a change of view for a while. I’m just quite worried I might not have that much fun and I might be such a downer for them, you know what I mean? I just got out of meds and basically, I can’t have too much fun yet and I don’t think I’m ready to jump into my old habits just yet. But I tried to ignore those nudging thoughts when I said yes to them, I know I need this to get past this phase. Besides, what could go wrong with a little out of town, right?
Also, quite a bit sad but I’m overall fine. I think it’s perfectly normal to be sad sometimes, just to acknowledge that everything doesn’t always have to work out the way you always wanted it to be and to still be grateful for that. I just…I don’t know. You know how things led to something that consequently made you think of something or someone? Yup, you get me. I guess, I just thought of the people that used to be part of my life, how easy and happy it was, how I never thought it was possible for me to say goodbye to them for good. Maybe not necessarily for good, but like it could never be as good as before. You know what I mean? I know I’ll move on. I always do. We always do. Just that at this moment, being sad sometimes is the only way to relive the memories and maybe think about where I went wrong and maybe help me reevaluate myself. This kind of moments will always be part of me until I’m not thinking about it anymore. Until it becomes one of those long lost childhood memories that you came to faintly remember 15 years later and you’ll be like oh yeah, I think that happened.