I was in the middle of a task, but had to stop and open my blog to write. Recently my creative writing spirit doesn’t visit me often, but I’m happy she’s(yes—it’s a she!) willing to stay for who knows how long. I better be fast before she goes away again.
I haven’t been here for a while, I know. To tell you the truth, I am going through something. I feel so down lately and I’ve been crying almost every day everywhere. It’s kinda embarrassing, but I know it’s what my body needs for now. Just yesterday, I had a nightmare in the middle of the day. I say in the middle of the day because I was already up by 6 am and had to return to sleep because I decided I was still sleepy. During my second nap, I had a very realistic dream that I was crying and pouring all my emotions into a confidant(I don’t remember who). I felt that heartbreaking feeling in an ohmygod-it-freakin-hurts-can’t-breathe way. Then the next thing I knew, I was crying in my dream and woke up with my fist balled into my chest at the same time bawling. I slept again and woke up with a headache.
But today, I decided to feel happy and motivated—yes, it’s all in your mind bb. Actually, I was feeling happy until a minute ago. I cried again writing the second paragraph remembering what happened like wtf. BUT okay, back to being happy…You know, you can never be in a certain phase for too long. So I believe that I won’t be too sad forever. I just need time to be by my side. I need to feel and reflect on what just happened. I know that I did my best and that if things didn’t go my way, it’s because it’s not for me.
But I really won’t deny that I feel destroyed. However, things will get better for sure. I know that. It has to, otherwise, what the fuck right? Your girl is strong, don’t worry. I am hoping for better days in the next coming months.
So here’s to everyone that’s struggling for something. You may not be as vocal as me. You may not have the outlet to do so or just plainly like ‘why do I need to let it out to the world when I can just deal with it silently’? Here’s to us all for better days and waking up with nothing in mind but thinking about what to have for breakfast. We may not have it all in the future, but peace of mind is what we should have at least. Let’s have that. I hope we will all have that.
Thanks for dropping by. Smile, you.