Experience, Friends, Happy Thoughts

Before And After Me

I used to love going out like A LOT.  And by that I meant drinking til I’m passed out drunk, going home past 12am, doing hella crazy stuff or YOLO for short. People who know me back in college can easily pinpoint me as one of those gals who is down for anything crazy and illegal. I don’t do drugs or anything major like that but more subtle things like drunk driving or anything alcohol-involved. I wasn’t always like that though…

Back before I became so open-minded and liberal-kinda, I was this geek girl who was a KPOP, JPOP, Kdrama, Jdrama, anything international-language-that-you-can’t-even-pronounce drama fan. I was this student who participated in Sudoko challenges in school. I even joined the Rubik’s cube challenge back in college with no friends to support me because my interests were too odd for them. I lost in round one though, but it didn’t matter because I felt fulfilled trying my best. I WAS THAT SIMPLE GIRL. Literally. I remember in my first year of college, I only had four or five t-shirts and two pairs of pants to wear at school. Everything I had was oversized shirts except for this one blue- striped blouse that I bought before school started. I was wearing it every week it became impossible for every single one of my block mates to have missed. How’d I know? A few years later, one of them confessed she could still draw that blouse by heart. See? I was this home-to-school school-to-home girl. But then life got in the way and decided to revamped my life. I started hanging out after class more. I learned how to wear skinny jeans. I got conscious and decided that three cups of rice per meal was more than a mortal sin. Although, I allowed it on my menstrual periods because damn girl give me some slack! Thinking about it now, I did became another person. I didn’t realize it back then because I was too preoccupied with the changes happening to me. My mom got pretty upset of what was happening and then the confused little girl inside me threw a tantrum and did bad things. You know, usual stories about good girl gone bad.

When it became too much, I begged my mom to get me out of the country. I was then in the U.S. for a year. Got what I finally wanted and learned to love myself again. I found myself beginning to return to who I was before. Even though, I couldn’t be the perfect replica of my older version I can say I have improved a lot for the better. Despite all of the hardship, I am very thankful for the lessons and experiences. I wouldn’t be me now if it weren’t for those.

But then, I came home late last year and got pretty depressed for a couple of months. Maybe because reality hit me again. My indecisive self could not keep up with things. Nowadays, I don’t hang out with my friends because I feel like I’m lagging behind them. I feel we have this friendship gap probably because I was absent for a year or I’m not in the same stage as them anymore. Also, the usual family dramas keeps on hunting me everyday. It’s sad and it did get into me. I almost fell into my bad habits. Almost. Instead, I chose the path that I didn’t choose before. I dealt it with positivity. I very much thank God because every single time that I almost did something bad, something will happen that won’t made me do it. It wasn’t just once but many times. It’s as if a sign from the universe not to give in to temptations. And I’m very thankful for that. Thankful for the never ending support and guidance from my family and God.

Now, I feel better than I have felt in years. Not just temporary happiness that you feel when you bought a new toy and the next day you’re like meh but that peace you know is lingering inside you no matter what stroke of bad luck you may encounter. I know this may not last. Nothing is. But for now, I am choosing to embrace this and be better as long as I can. Who knows? I may be eating my words in a few months but for now I am just really happy I got to have the chance to feel light and at peace again.

Xoxo,

G

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Everyday, Experience

I’ve Been Told I’m A Good Girl

What does it mean when someone says you are a good person? Does it mean you are likeable? Smart? Kind? Nice? When good is being used as the generic term for almost everything that is not bad, it gets to the point that it is confusing sometimes.

Recently, I was told I was a good girl. I believe the reason for that comment was I refused to go out at night saying I have a curfew so the only time I can go out is during daytime. After that comment, it got me thinking how is it true that I’m such a good girl? How was I a good girl? Did I somehow pass that person’s certain criteria as “good”, or what? But most of all, why am I even doubting that remark in the first place? Is it probably because I reject the notion that I am a good girl, after all? 😂 I’m not sure where this is leading but those are some intriguing ideas that I have.

Just wanted to point that I do consider myself as a good person;I share my blessings with other people;I pray;I love my family dearly. However, I am also aware of the evil side that I have. Not only to say that it is normal for every person to have, but I personally think one can only take so much shit in this world that the only outlet that one can have is to respond in such an awful comeback. It’s the honest truth and you know it. Despite the harsh reality though, I try to show heavenly kindness as much as I can with everyone else since I can never know what a person has been through for him/her to act that way. But that’s just me.

It would also depend on like what situation I am in. I know that there are circumstances that bring out the evil side in me and during that time is when my patience is really tested. So yeah, I’m pretty much like everyone else. Sometimes, dressed up as an angel but probably most of the time, more comfortable playing Satan’s role.

Generally, it’s so easy to just identify someone as good. Good being such a basic word nowadays that we tend to look or ask for more when we are given this as an answer. What do you mean good? Is she pretty? Boring? or Okay? Tell me something more! 

I guess my point is, the term good doesn’t even cover a tad bit of the description of my whole personality. For me, I find it  overused that it  is starting to sound meaningless, invalid and useless when it comes to how people respond to things. Not to be hypocrite, but I find myself using that word a lot too. Like when someone asks me how my day was, my to-go answer would be ‘good!’ if not ‘great’. How is it like that?  I can’t blame those people who use ‘good’ as a response though. They are probably not interested or lazy to come up with a more sensible word, just like me.

Ciao!

Love, G.

 

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Dislike, Experience, Friends, Love

Loud Mind of Mine

My cute ass was dragged all weekday for IELTS review last week, and as if that weren’t enough, I had to speak in front of everyone every damn day. It was the speaking module week, that’s why. I just got so nervous without any warning and I usually can’t speak straight when I’m scared! I kept trying to shake off the uneasiness by thinking about funny or good memories but it was no help. Really, the more I tried the more it worsened.

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Just earlier, I asked a friend a question that resulted to a misunderstanding between us. What happened was that friend replied something stupid to my question making me feel like a fool. And now I’m hurt that’s why, I’m drawing away my attention to anything that won’t trigger my mind to remember the incident.

So today I find myself asking what is a good distraction from things I don’t want to think?

After a thought…

All I can think about is I’m crazy to assume that any diversion would work. I realize I probably just have to face it head-on and give myself a break. Well, how about just speaking freely not caring about possible mistakes or just letting myself stutter until I can finally fucking deliver it clearly? Like why worry about that friend when I know it wouldn’t be a freakin’ lost if I lose that one person? I mean just do your thing and stop worrying, self.

It makes sense, right? I can’t worry about everything all at once. There’s just so much to do and only hours in a day. Just one fucking thing at a time. If certain fate is meant to be yours, then what’s the rush? I know it is easier to say and realize all of these things than actually doing and applying it in life. But I think when you know what’s going on, you’ll actually find a way to make it right—well, at least you’ve made you’re first step to the lifeline.

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Everyday, Experience, Happy Thoughts, Holidays, Travels

Day 1 of 366

I officially welcome 2016. Happy New Year from Chicago! I can’t stressed enough how grateful I am for 2015. I have this two great things that happened this 2015. First, I graduated from my 4 year degree course and march at the age of 19. 🙂 Second, six months after I packed my things and went to Chicago. Man, I’ve never been so happy.

No more resolutions lol it just doesn’t work for me. But I’ll try to be more positive and keep looking forward to everyday. Carpe Diem, right?

So here’s to a new year…Keep dreaming and don’t stop just because you think it’s impossible. Your actions are directed towards your dream so keep going darling cause you’re on the right track. Have a good one!

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Books, Bucket List, College, Experience, First, Happy Thoughts

Stealth Mode

 SHIT HAHA OKAY SO I CAME ACROSS THIS TAGALOG STORY I MADE WHEN I WAS IN MY FIRST YEAR COLLEGE WHILE I WAS CLEANING MY LAPTOP’S MEMORY . HAHA DON’T FREAKING JUDGE ME PEOPLE! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT WHATSOEVER HAHA! THIS WAS A REQUIREMENT! I HAD TO MAKE THIS!  🙈

Stealth Mode

          Mahirap nga naman kapag broken-hearted, walang nagagawang maayos, ni hindi mo maka usap ng matino. Ganito lang naman ang sitwasyon ni Jenny.

          Nag break kasi sila ng kanyang boyfriend na si Ken. Sa di sinasadyang di pagkakaintindihan na nag simula sa maliit na bagay na nag dulot ng hiwalayan.

            Mag iilang buwan na rin silang nag break. At ayon na nga, palagi na lamang naka tulala si Jenny habang hawak hawak ang kwintas na cross na binigay ni Ken para sa 5 years anniversary nila.

            Napilitan nalamang silang maging ‘normal’ na mag kaibigan dahil sa iisa lamang ang barkada nila. Naging madali naman sa kanila ang pagiging magkaibigan na lamang, hindi naman magiging maganda kung mag kakailangan sila sa harap ng barkada nila.

“Alam mo yun Maree? Yung ang sakit sakit ng nararamdaman mo? Na parang kina-cutter ang puso mo?”

Hay, eto nanaman tayo. Pabulong na sabi ng bestfriend niyang si Maree.

“Best, kasi naman baka naman mas makakabuti ng nangyari to. Malay mo may mas karapatdapat pa kesa kay Ken.”

“Siya nga ang gusto ko eh! Siya lang!”

            Paulit ulit lang nila tong pinag tatalunan, wala naman napupuntahan.

          Ngayong gabi habang nag fafacebook si Jenny, bigla nalang may nag pop-out sa babang kanto ng screen ‘skaterboss is now online’

            Biglang kinabahan si Jenny at di niya namalayan na mabilis niya nang nauubos ang kinakain niyang corn bits yung original flavor, favorite niya yun eh kasi favorite rin yun ng teacher niya sa Filipino na si Mam Raynes, yung maganda at sexy.

            Halo halong emosyon ang nararamdaman ni Jenny pero nag lakas loob parin ito at na i-pm si Kelly.

YM CONVERSATION:

simplicityismymiddlename: Hoy unggoy! Gumawa ka na ng assignment sa Filipino?

skaterboss: Unggoy ka dyan! Baboy! Haha. Meron ba? Pakopya na lang.

simplicityismymiddlename: Asa ka boooy! Di kita pakokopyahin, gumawa ka rin.

skaterboss: Tsk. Damot talaga nito. Bagay talaga sayo ang baboy! =p

simplicityismymiddlename is typing

Tse! Ikaw kaya ang bagay saakin!

OHMY! Erase erase

simplicityismymiddlename: Sama mo talaga kahit kelan!

skaterboss: *evil laugh* HAHA Sige na nga bye2 na at gagawa na ako, di mo naman ako pakokopyahin eh.

skaterboss is now offline

          Aww. Sad naman itong si Jenny at offline na si Ken. Hiling niya talaga na mag ka balikan na sila pero parang malabo na talagang mangyari yun eh. Pero pano nga naman nga ba sila mag kakabalikan kung walang gagawa ng paraan.

           Nang di namamalayan, bigla nalang nasend ni Jenny itong mga message kay Ken, tutal offline naman siya eh.

simplicityismymiddlename: Ken, mahal na mahal parin kita.

simplicityismymiddlename: Sobrang mahal, alam mo bang nalulungkot akong masyado simula ng magkahiwalay tayo hanggang ngayon.

simplicityismymiddlename: Miss na miss na miss na miss na kita.

simplicityismymiddlename: Will you still be mine?

simplicityismymiddlename: Tayo nanaman oh, si mam Raynes naiinip na.

simplicityismymiddlename: Patawad sa mga na—————

skaterboss: Ako rin Jenny, mahal parin kita. Sobrang mahal na mahal.

skaterboss: Alam mo bang parang binatohan ng paper weight ang puso ko araw araw, pati may seal ng Ateneo yung paper weight kaya mas mabigat, lalo na kapag nakikita kita at di man lang kita mahawakan.

           Nabigla naman si Jenny dahil sa hindi pala offline si Ken. Nahiya naman tuloy siya sa mga pinagsasasabi niya, pero wala na rin naman siyang magagawa, yan ang nararamdaman niya. Balak niya sanang sabihin kay Kelly na naligaw lang ang mga message na yun at di talaga para sakanya pero sa tingin niya ay di na siya makaka takas ngayon.

skateboss: Naka stealth mode lang ako, pinag mamasdan ko lang ang status mo. Namimiss kasi kita lalo kapag kachat kita.

Skaterboss: Sorry naging torpe ako.

skaterboss: Pwede ba tayo na ulit? Kahit ano pa gagawin ko. Miss na kita boss eh. Ikaw lang naman kaya ang pinakaiisang boss sa buhay ko.

skaterboss is now online

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Experience, Happy Thoughts, Summer

Tada

Funny how  I thought it’d be easier to write something this time.

Yet here I am, I can’t even construct a paragraph.

I’ve been on my blog for like two hours and I just can’t say anything.

Yeah well, except this crap I’m saying now…

Have my mind gone blank? 

Oh okay, I’m just gonna say anything that comes up in my mind.

So, since my graduation, I haven’t really gone out to attend any parties or gatherings.

I’ve been totally avoiding the crowd as much as possible.

It’s not easy but I have to, okay?

Anyway, first day of April which means…

SUMMER.

Okay bye.

 

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