Today is the day after my birthday. I basically celebrated a three-day birthday here in Canada. I celebrated a day earlier because my birthday comes first in the Philippines then the next day as my current birthday then today as the last day where everyone thinks it’s still my birthday. Joe kept pampering me. She gave me a cake earlier. SO SWEET! Also, it was her turn to treat me a Starbucks coffee and she fed me lunch. Hahaha. We’re sisters pala. Someone told us the other day when we were at the museum for my birthday. A guard, actually a fellow Filipino, asked us if we were siblings. We were shocked to know we have resemblance haha! Oh well. Life’s fun as hell with her. Glad I get to spend my 2 years studying with this crazy.
Anyway, I just turned 23. I feel hmmmm old? Not yet, really. It hasn’t dawned on me yet.😛 I don’t think 23 is that old, except maybe sometimes I feel as though I’m really old already because I’m not even sure what I’m doing with my life. And it seems like other people have it all figured out. But do they, really?
As I get old, I learn to be bolder and go for the things that make me happy. Every day I get to realize the things and people that matter and that way I’m able to work that relationship more for a stronger future with them diba. These recent events make me also realize how lucky I am. Even though studying isn’t something that I’m very thrilled to be back in my life, just thinking about what I have and what others don’t, make me appreciate it now. And now, I’m starting to get the groove of everything. There are lesser ungrateful things coming out of my mouth instead, more appreciation of what I have is what I practice every day.
To being 23, to being able to come this far, to being able to survive shitload of crap since I was born, to being able to stand up and cry and laugh after bad encounters, here I am writing this to myself. Most importantly, to being the person I am now, to being the clueless girl yet continues to find the answer to every little thing that confuses me, to being the weirdest girl I can be, to being the most sweetest daughter to my parents—I try, okay—, Happy Birthday, self! 🙂
In the midst of busy schedules and hundreds of homework given, I still have the luxury to space out and feel crazy stupid happy for every once in a while now. It’s nice to feel appreciated and loved by the people around us, right? It’s that season in my life again where every love song makes sense and makes me smile like crazy.
I never thought it’d come to me. But really, who ever expects love to come their way? So, this is what people feel like when they are deeply infatuated with someone. I feel like everything is possible and everything is under my spell, ya know what I mean?—you probably won’t know what I’m talking about! But yeah, I’m probably going to talk about things I can only relate from now on. Hihi.
Anyway, midterm one is finally over! I can take a little breather now. And guys, my birthday is coming up next week. I am so excited. I’m probably the only adult who loves celebrating birthdays. I love getting old, but my mom told me I would be saying otherwise when I turned in my late 20’s. Oh well, we’ll see about that! Joe and I plan to get to the city and explore it a little bit with the bad weather. We originally planned to hike, but due to the bad weather forecast on that day, we’ll just see what the Great Vancity has to offer to this birthday girl.
How is everyone doing these days? I hope you’re feeling inspired and happy like me!
Almost end of the month events recaps for this month of May:
I finally have my part-time job.
I was so clueless on my first day which was just the other day. I did the salad and coffee part for my first 2-hour shift and went to packing meals. I’ve known a couple people in my area, just not everyone as there’s quite a handful of people around. That was just my 4-hour shift. My next work schedule isn’t until next Friday. Not to say I’m not excited, it’s just that I don’t think it’s something I really want to do for the time being. But hey, it’s good to busy anyway.
2. I did my first hike of the year with a friend at Quarry Rock, North Vancouver.
Joe and I just decided we’d go for a hike and we did! It was so amazing. Even though, we just commuted all the way to North Vancouver for about 1 and a half hour—for her—and about 3 hours—for me. Then, we were stunned by the beauty of the lake when we got to the Panorama Park. Such incredible view! We brought lunch and had our lunch by the lake/beach, not sure if it was a beach or a lake. Anyway, after the lunch with a view, we began our hike to the Quarry Rock. It was a 45 minute hike to the top. I actually thought it was gonna be longer, but alas, we made it less than an hour. And goodness, the view was breathtaking! I feel like jumping of the cliff, but that would be stupid. Haha! Gosh, what a stupid thing to say. Anyway, I guess it was called Quarry Rock because you get to see the whole view under the big rocks at the edge of the mountain. You’ll see bits of islands in front of the mountain and the buildings far ahead in the DT Vancouver. At that moment, how I wish my family were seeing the same thing because they would all love it especially my mom and baby sis. Soon.
3. I cooked at least 5 Filipino dishes this month.
Yep. I cook now. It’s just me and my grandma living in a 2 bedroom condo unit and she’s not a good cook either! Hahaha. I basically have no choice but to cook for myself and for her too. Good thing Tacky guides me all the way for every dish that I make. I don’t think I’d survive cooking if no one was guiding me. Gosh! I don’t love cooking, but I don’t exactly hate it either. That’s why working in the kitchen area is not very appealing to me but it’s not something that I would say no to instantly.
Basically, my class schedule consists 2 days per week. Not bad? Actually, it’s shitload crazy. I’m overwhelmed by all the homework given to us already. I have an Accounting class and we discussed the first chapter in an hour. Crazy because back in the Philippines, it would have taken the teacher at least a week to finish it. I totally understand though because I’m on the Post-Degree Program and the lessons tend to be in a fast-paced manner and students are expected to have a background about the lessons already. But I’m just studying again after 4 years, maybe? So my mind is a little rusty at the moment trying to figure out what income statements and balance sheets are.
Overall, I am happy and excited to be back in school. All of my classmates are international student as well which is great because all of us are going through the same thing. My school has been very helpful from the orientation day to the day of our classes. I’ve never felt this pampered by my past school, so I have high hopes for my future experiences here.
Also, students are encouraged to participate in volunteer programs. I’ve never done that, but since I love doing things that scare me, I signed up for it. And guess what? Your girl is going to a Spring Festival tomorrow to volunteer. I have no one with me tomorrow but myself. I have no idea what will happen but it can’t kill me for sure to try, right? You cannot be shy in this country! Well, because everyone is basically super FRIENDLY. Canadians are very nice people. It’s true what they say that Canadians will say sorry if you accidentally step on their foot. Crazy kind people.
Everything is still overwhelming at this point in time. I am still trying to process almost every second because everything seems to be happening all at once. Sometimes, I find myself trying so hard to keep up with the situations. I love everything about my Canada experience, but sometimes it scares me that I tend to question myself if I’m really capable of surviving this kind of life. But I know I can. I know I’ll get the hang of it. No one’s in a hurry, right?
A bit paralyzed here, so I have all the time and energy to blog. I can’t believe I actually thought I could go walk around the pier today. You might be wondering what’s up with me or not. Either way, I just got my period this morning. The cramps just started a while ago. I had planned on finally walking around the pier area, but I can’t do it with this pain.
I was actually planning on bringing with me my resume and submitting it off to cafes and shops I could passed by. I realized I would want to have my part-time at the bayside. At least, it’ll be a nice view and a nice walk to/from home. It’s not far from where I live, just probably a 10 minute walk. More interesting, imagine the place I’m living in is located in an uphill setting and I have to walk down to get to the beach. The place reminds me of Santa Monica Pier with all the shops along side the long road minus the rides. Lola said it gets pretty busy during summer. I bet it does. Heat only comes once every few months in a year. People would very much like to soak in the sun as much as they can.
Tomorrow would be International Student Orientation at school. I have to wake up early since it’s a one-hour ride from my place. It’s not a total hassle, really. I could sleep the whole 45-minute bus ride and then finally get off to take a two-stops train ride. I’m lucky the bus stop is only 30 second walk from the step on our front door. That way, I don’t have to scurry all the way to the bus stop when I’m in a hurry. I hope tomorrow will be a good day for me. I want to get to know at least five new names tomorrow. Okay, I’m gonna make it a goal for tomorrow. 🙂 Jia You!
Date of arrival: April 18, 2018 11:00AM Blog Entry Date: April 19, 2018 4:00 AM
If you’re reading this, that means I got connected to the internet. It’s kind of crazy how there’s no wifi in where I stay. But it’s not the end of the world—calmly telling myself the same thing since I came here.
So, it’s been 2 days since I last saw my family and a day since I saw my friend, Tacky. I didn’t go straight to Vancouver. Instead, I had my layover in Japan for a day and spent my time with a friend. I still can’t believe I’ve been to Japan already! Ugh. I wish I had more time to explore that amazing country. And I will make that possible, just not now. Right now, I have to apply for a carrier plan. Lol. I need internet, puhlease. Yesterday, when I came at my place and found at that there’s no wifi access, I was screaming loudly at my head like, “How could there no be internet?!” And I was trying to calm myself saying that this is only my first day and it couldn’t be that bad YET.
It’s currently 4:02 AM. I woke up an hour ago because I was freezing. I had to get up, turn on the heater, put on socks and grab a jacket. Haha, this is so typical of me. I remember when I was in Chicago, I would do the same thing and cover my entire self. I was trying to vlog, so I turned on the lamp beside me. Five seconds later, the heater suddenly gave a beep and both the lights and the heater were turned off. Just great. I guess it must have been a short circuit or something. Great, just when I needed the heater the most.
There’s a big window on my room that gives me an overlooking view of the nature outside. I live on the 4th floor, I think. When I got up earlier, I was surprised to see the stars. So peaceful. I guess, there isn’t much light pollution to this neighbourhood.
I don’t feel particularly sad or miss home that much now. The only thing that I feel right now is this little panic attack I’m having because there’s no internet. No internet means no Google Maps on my phone and there’s no way to know where to go. I guess I’m going to have to come up with a plan of my own. But that’s fine. Everything will be fine, my dear.
I’m getting sleepy again, so I might go back to sleep…
Seven-day countdown before I leave for Canada. I’m not sure how long I’ll be there. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to visit the Philippines at least once a year, but maybe it’s not such a bad idea not to. Except, I won’t see my baby sister. She’s the most precious little thing for me right now in my life. And if there could be any reason for me not go is that of her. But I got to do what I got to do. 😟
Even though I know I have little time left here, it still hasn’t entirely dawned on me yet that I will be starting my life again somewhere. I visited a relative today and she said to me, “Aren’t you scared of doing it alone?” I just said, “Not really” which is true. No one can actually be prepared for this kind of thing. I just got to dive head first and act like I know what I’m doing to survive.
I’m excited again to get lost in an unfamiliar city, meet strangers and learn its history. But most of all, to figure life along the way. How lucky I am to be able to find myself while enjoying myself at the same time.
Giving myself a little reminder that it’s better to keep quiet and keep things to yourself. Talking about it makes the situation worse. It’s not like other people has the solution for you. It’s not like other people understand what you’re going through, anyway. It’s not like people actually care about your story. Right?! So better just master the art of shutting the hell up.
But ultimately, I am quite happy and excited for the coming days. I just have a lot on my plate these past few days, but nothing I can’t handle.
Also, I’m wishing someone the happiest birthday today. You should know you hold a special place in my life. You deserve the best, too!
Real quick here, I feel that love is both underrated and overrated in so many ways. I was annoyed with how things went today. My day didn’t turn out to be quite as smooth as I hoped it’d be. But this is just another day, right? People can be pretty dense and insensitive talaga. Diba. They don’t even give importance to the things that are important to you. So annoying. I can’t. I’m not even making sense right now. But so is that mofo.
I positioned myself where I could both hear and see what everybody else is doing. I am having a great day so far. It’s 3 PM and they’re in the middle of fishing some tilapias while I retreat myself in a secluded corner where I can write my thoughts. Today, I came to visit grandmother in Tigaon, a more province place than where I live. Growing up in this town makes me appreciate the simple life and understand the simple ways of life.
Earlier, I walked my bare feet on the soil to get some fresh eggs to the farm. I shrieked loudly like some sassy city girl when my foot submerged to the mud knee-high. It was too late for me to turn back and so I moved forward. It was another humbling experience for me. My uncle has a pool that is 5 feet high. My brother, sister and I ended up cleaning and brushing the pool because we plan on using it. It was so fun exerting such hard work together with them. I will definitely miss this.
This moment is so rare that we’re complete together. Now that we’re growing up, the chances of us getting all complete in one place are thinning. And so, I cherish every moment I get with them that’s why I decided to write down this moment. I always want to take a break from everything that’s happening because I would want this to be remembered forever or even etched somewhere in a writing or a picture. Now, I have to get back and live this moment with them.
I thank you for your precious time for reading this.
As you may know, I have been waiting for my visa decision to come. And it finally came last Thursday. I GOT APPROVAL OF MY STUDENT PERMIT IN CANADA! Wohoooo. The reason I didn’t post it as soon as I got the word is that I was too happy and emotional to do anything else besides BEING HAPPY lol. I literally shouted and cried when I heard the news. It was given to me by Ms. Karen, my visa coordinator.
The very next day I found out that I’m going to Canada, I bought a one-way ticket. I’ll be leaving next month. My summer term won’t start until the month of May, but I want to be able to adjust weeks before my class starts. Besides, I have to settle some things first like my social security number, bank account, and other important stuff.
I feel so blessed that this moment has finally come. I never actually thought about getting it in the first place, I guess, which I know is a total wrong mind set to have. But like I said, I had been down that road before of waiting and being rejected and I was just afraid of getting my hopes up ever again. But I got! I got it. I got it.
Thank you for those who never lose their faith in me. I love you all.
Why do things have to go so bad, right? Why can’t we just have some consistency in life that we don’t have to adjust and everything? More often than not, life is unfair. I’m pretty sure a lot of people would attest to that one. Life isn’t some kind of a one-way lane for everyone. Instead, it’s all about those crazy intersections that turn green all at once. I honestly thought my life was perfect back when I was a kid. At that time, my perception was blinded by ideal fantasies of what life should be. Until one day, reality finally knocked on my door, tricked me into looking the other way and stabbed me in the back. Life became pretty tricky after that. It seemed like one day I have it all figured out and the next day, it gives me another whole set of challenges from some unknown dimension.
I know perfectly well that life is supposed to be this way, that it’s meant to be this hard and knotty. Because how else am I supposed to appreciate happiness without sadness, right? And so, I don’t even know why I’m still writing my angst and depression despite knowing that life isn’t supposed to be some kind of a fairytale with a happy ending. I’m just so caught up in my emotions right now. It’s all bottled up and I can’t even let it out. I feel like talking about it out loud would be some kind of way of acknowledging that it is happening. And I’m not ready to accept that reality yet, possibly never. I hope for change to come into my life soon that I can selfishly walk away from this and never have to face it. I take it that walking away to the problems won’t solve any of it. But in this case, if I could run away every time at every chance I get, I would.
Wanna know what I’ve been up to lately? Well, I am now a certified first aider. I just finished my training two days ago. It was hella fun, I’m telling ya. So yes, I learned about doing CPR, rescue breathing, bandages and some other basic stuff. Totally amazing! Hahaha. One of my friends told me ‘kung ano ano nalang’ meaning like you’re so random—that’s the closest I could think of a translation lol sorry if it didn’t do any justice. And yes, I was pretty much so bored I thought why not sign up for a first aid class.
Fast forward to now, I’m currently on the road of editing another video. Finally, right? Another inspiration has landed on me and I am not letting it go. That’s according to Big Magic, my new favorite self-guided book. It says that once the inspiration shows up, use it until it leaves you because it’s not going to be with you all the time, which is basically true to me. I don’t always feel the urge to do things just sometimes maybe when I’m being visited by the god of inspiration.
But here’s a hiccup to that, I can’t stop watching vlogs. HAHA. I have this new favorite Japanese vlogger. His YouTube channel name is FumiShun BASE. In such a short span of time, I think I may have already watched almost all of his video. I find him so funny and interesting. Not just that, but I have a crush on Yuyu—not sure if I remember his name correctly—because he kinda reminds me of Oguri Shun, which is another one of my fave Japanese actors. Uggh, Japan. Take me there!!!!
Lately, I’ve been going on and on about how sad I am. But generally, I’m a contented person and so I get easily happy for small things in life. These are some doses of sunshine in my life right now:
1. Finding film cameras and collecting negatives
Yes, you read that right. I am into film camera since forever. My obsession has finally come into its 150% craziness. The last time I’ve used an actual film camera was back in college so that’s like 3 or 4 years back. But my latest purchase was a Holga camera that has 120 film, which I don’t really use because that kind of film is very scarce.
Instead, I’ve been using these other film cameras. Yep, I’m a camera hoarder.
All of them use a 35mm film, except for that colorful one—that’s the Holga one, so the film for the rest is pretty accessible anywhere.
Originally, I’ve only really owned three of them. But since I told you, I’ve been a total shit crazy about vintage cameras lately, I’ve been asking out my relatives and friends if they have their old film cameras. Luckily for me, I’ve hauled two film cameras from my mom’s dear friend and actually one of the cameras turned out to be my favorite of all. It’s the Yashica camera. It has a very beautiful vintage structure with the straps and everything. I’m totally in love.
Here’s some negatives: flowers and creepy me
2. Reading a New Book: Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
If the name seems familiar to you, that’s because this book was written by the same author who wrote the book Eat, Pray, Love. This was given to me as a Christmas gift from my mom. One day, I was so bored I ended up reading it out of nowhere and it was the best random thing that I could have ever done at that point.
Kind of ashamed to say that this is my only first read for this year. I’m running way behind my targeted read books for the year. But anyway, I should say this does not disappoint me at all, and I’m just halfway from finishing it! It talks about inspirations and how it comes and goes within an individual. And that whenever that inspiration landed on you, you should immediately claim it or else, just like everything else, it doesn’t wait for you and will move on to the next person.
It’s actually the first book I’ve read that isn’t a novel or has a story behind it. I definitely recommend it if you’re looking for an inspirational book and you’re feeling a little lack of inspirational spirit.
3. Listening to Japanese Tracks
Anything Japanese related excites me. But nothing makes me feel more happy, excited, sad, and almost everything at the same time than listening to my Japanese playlist. The list just keeps adding as years passed by. It’s been a decade, I think since I first started this playlist. It never gets old, never will. It brings back the old memories, the joy, the innocence, the nostalgic feeling, the mixed emotions, all of it. Mostly, whenever I listen to this playlist, I feel like I’m being traveled back to the time when everything was simply carefree. That particular stage in my life where I would gladly choose to stay forever if I were to be given a chance.
4. Happy Moments with Friends
I don’t really go out much these days, just because I don’t think anything is ever worth exerting effort really, except maybe if I were to do something for my own sake. When I sometimes get invited to hang out, I’m always hesitant at first. It’s not them but it’s just my social anxiety disorder playing a huge part in this decision. But I don’t want to seem too antisocial really because I don’t think that’s a good practice either, so I just obliged myself to at least put on decent clothes and face them.
And it always ends up pretty fantastic—me having the best time of my life with all the catching up and jokes. I would say it’s very much the same when I go watch a Filipino movie at the cinema. I always roll my eyes and tell myself that I’m not going to enjoy it but I always ended up saying oh that’s not too bad, I loved it actually. I know, I’m pretty judge-y like that.
I don’t really focus on my friends nowadays, meaning I don’t really get to spend time as much as I did before. We’re pretty busy now. With all the work schedules and my own lazy bum schedule, we just don’t find that much time to reconnect as often as we should. But at the same time, it doesn’t really change the fact that we always have fun when we get together.
5. Taking Footages and Pictures
I got my Canon G7x II with me anywhere I go, literally! I don’t really post these things a lot on my social media, just because I don’t think there’s a need for it at all. I just really do it for the keepsake. Although the thought of editing and compiling videos excites me to the bones, sometimes there’s just not enough inspiration to do it. You know what I mean? Actually, my friends sort of call me a ‘vlogger’ because I carry my camera all the time anywhere I go, but I don’t really go like talking to my cam.
It’s funny that sometimes even my mom would be like ‘where’s your cam? Aren’t you gonna vlog it?’. And I’ll be like really dumbfounded that she would say that.
I guess, it just surprises me at all that everyone noticed that I do what I do. And I’m kind of proud that I’m recognized for it. It’s something that I can surely say I love doing and it makes me freaking happy.
So yes, that would be all. Really, what could I ask for more distractions in life? Right?! I hope you enjoyed reading this. It’s been a couple of lazy days for me just staying at home and not really going anywhere. So I got all this time to make posts.
As per usual, Saturday is being spent productively on my bed, not with someone though, but just with my laptop. You have a dirty mind. I woke pretty early just because I always have my alarm set at 5:50 am, which I always plan on like taking that alarm setting off but nevertheless always fails to do it, anyway. So we had our breakfast as a family together. Finally, my mom is having a late breakfast with us and not rushing to get to the store. She left it in charge with someone for today, just so she can at least spend a peaceful morning not scurrying around like a woman on fire. I decided not to come with her to the store for today, instead, I just cleaned my room early this morning after she left with Shobe. I was kind of like planning on filming something for today but then there were calls on the queue and I had to work on it—it’s an online job.
Besides that, everything seems to be normal nowadays. Well, except for my never-ending anxiousness about the waiting game on my visa. But I’m learning to throw my IDGAF attitude on it little by little or else I might die in my sleep if I don’t stop this torture. I do have another thing going on, but it’s very personal. And it’s bothering me too.
Remember when I mentioned about my inner peace being one of those calm before the storm kind of thing? I’m kind of getting the vibe that there is a huge wave coming on my way and that I am both furious and scared for it.
Also, a bit realization I’ve been having has been on my mind lately. I’ve only known a couple of people who really stood out in my life and have/had a really great connection with me. Some are still present in my life and some has gone with the wind. Unfortunately, even with friends, there aren’t always happy endings. It’s not just romance that ends up sabotaging the relationship, but even mere friends do that. Friends are capable of hurting you, loving you and making you feel like you don’t need anyone but them. And when you got hurt by them, you think about how it would be nice to have never met them at the first place and that you wouldn’t have this scarred memories for life if you hadn’t known them at all. Then, I think about what was my life before them? Not to say nothing, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t have the time of my life with them. My life was pretty quiet for sure without them, but I know I would have chosen crazy over boring any time, anyway. And so bottom line, I probably shouldn’t shut myself out too much with people because I know they give so much life to me. And that one bad experience shouldn’t ruin my trust with others.