12.03.17

A quick Sunday realization…

Today I wrote on my notebook diary and it was mostly an update about what happened the last few days. I was quite surprised to have found myself saying positive thoughts of life despite the hardship that I am facing. I like the person I have become over the last months and I wouldn’t certainly be in a good place if it weren’t for the unfortunate and fortunate circumstances that contribute to where I am right now. So, I am mostly grateful for the bad things that had happened to me over the past months bc it made me stronger and realize my worth. I just feel different this time, I don’t quite know how to explain it. Just that I like this present me than the old version of me.

For my readers, have a blessed Sunday and be grateful for today.

Allergy Scare

Just got back from my monthly check up in Manila. The doctor said he will be seeing me on my graduation next year lol I’m so happy! But also said it will leave me a scar for sure but at least I’m finally safe.

We just got back last night. When I woke up this morning, my head was pounding real strong and I could feel the strong pulses on both sides of my temple. I slept on it until 1pm then I had my lunch. I thought the headache was gone but as soon as I finished eating it came back. Then my ate noticed the redness all over my body. My face was flushed as tomato. Of course, my mom was worried. I went to the doctor and ask for prescription. She told me I might have eaten something bad and gave me a few sets of medicine to take—yet another meds to include in my everyday, what are a few more lol. Sometime after, the headache has subsided, although not entirely yet. Mom told me I made her worried sick and told me if I keep on getting sick, she might not let me go next year to study abroad.

I was so looking forward to getting back on MMA sessions because I had been away for 4 days and now it has been an entire week since I last workout. Life is throwing me lemons right now, is it giving me a message of some sort or something? Hmm.

 

Catching Up With Old Friends

Yesterday was one of those days when I usually wake up late, work out and binge watch movies. So I decided to hit up my friends invite them for dinner or late night coffee. It was kind of spontaneous and I’m glad we were complete last night. We went to a restaurant where there was a nice view of the surroundings, chatted up a bit self update and a little more girl gossips. Last night was a very familiar and homey feeling with the girls. I hope to do more of these.

10.31.17

Rainy Day On A Tuesday

😭 I love days like this.

Last day of the month of October! Time is running to fast, don’t you think so?!

Today is the start of the three non-working holiday for the celebration of All Souls and All Saints Day. There’s no other perfect way to spend the first day of this holiday with a gloomy weather. I imagine people waking up to the sound of the rain with their messy hairs and a cup of coffee in their hand. It just feels so peaceful today. I can’t describe my love for the rain.

See, I was craving for Takoyaki so I decided to bring my siblings to my favorite Takoyaki place. We drove even though it was raining cats and dogs! My brothers are headed to my dad’s place anyway, so we had to eat first and they had to drop me off again. After my craving was satisfied, I didn’t exactly plan to stay in bed and sleep the day ’cause I wanted this day to be productive sort of, so I decided to play piano and master a piece. The last piece I memorized was the song Only Hope by Mandy Moore. I remember my two brothers got interested in playing piano because of that song. Ever since, they can’t stop playing piano and now they play it better than I do. But after a while, my fingers were feeling pretty sore already so I stopped.

It is already 1pm in the afternoon and I feel like the clock is ticking so fast. Probably because I’ve been busy up until I stopped playing the piano. What to do next now? I was thinking I could redesigned my whole blog. Or I could write on my diary notebook. Or maybe just watch a movie on Netflix but that would be ruining my productive day.

Tomorrow, my family and I will be heading to my grandma’s place to celebrate the holiday. Besides, all our loved ones were buried in that place so it’s just right to be there.

It’s so nice having this kind of weather, you know! It makes me feel kinds of sentiments. Or maybe…now that I think about it, the cuddle weather has come! I wish there was someone to cuddle with. Just kidding, my Pooh bear is enough to keep me company. But yes, my favorite has finally come. The time for wearing cute sweaters, sipping coffee while reading a book, giving gifts and receiving them, gosh just thinking about all those makes me excited. I had a pretty bad Christmas last year when I just came back from the USA because of the typhoon. Hopefully this year, may I have the best one. 🙂 I’ve babbled a lot now. Rain can do that to me.

Love,

G

As Friends or As Lovers?

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In life, it’s seldom we found someone who gets us. Someone who we instantly love the moment we meet them. It’s such a rare occasion that when that certain person comes, we grab them and make sure they feel safe and loved. In most cases, people expect this to advance into some kind of romantic intimacy—which is ridiculous, really. On the other hand, it may lead to a long-life friendship. So let me throw a question, if you meet someone who really gets your vibe and interests in life, what kind of relationship would your inner-self choose to have with that someone—as a friend or a lover? It’s a tricky question, I know. The answer gets complicated the more you think about it. Ha.

My answer? I always go for friendship. But isn’t that always the case or mostly how it is for everyone? I mean, doesn’t a relationship begins at something before being lovers? And there’s nothing quite like how we, Millennials, deal with being in a ‘relationship’. There are even the so-called stages of relationship amongst 20-somethings that start out as being friends > talking stage > friends with benefits > hooking up > dating > exclusivity/to being lover. It’s one hella ride  for young people to be in love, nowadays. No wonder Millennials are tagged to be the worst generation and no doubt about how older generations are laughing at us right now.

Having a fair share of my being part of the Millennial generation, I’ve experienced this roller coaster ride of being in a relationship myself. The one thing I can say is it’s just not for me. I might have done it wrong but I’ve had enough for now. I’ll choose friendship over love not because it will be the safe choice but because I’ve been there done thatrelationship thing and now I know better than to risk any good friendship with love. I’m not saying I’m all closed door for finding love but it’s not something that I am expecting to come in my life anytime soon. Setting my mind to that note, it keeps me from jumping to conclusions and expecting to find love in every guy that I meet. At the same time, without the expectations of any kind, it lets me create a deeper connection with someone I truly find interesting. It’s like I don’t have to worry about being the perfect girl because who’s judging, right? 🙂 No one but a good friend of mine.

Lovers just take it to different level, you know? Sure, there’s no doubt about how colorful our lives when they are there. No one can actually make us feel the same way that they do to us. It’s magical and how we wish it would never end. But have you had any relationship with someone that it ended badly, but then you realize you were so good together as friends than lovers, that you wish you could turn back time and just be friends instead? It’s a shame, isn’t it? Makes you regret just enough to wish for things to go back to the way you were as friends. That’s why I’ll always choose friendship over love.

Some people ask me what if you could have found your true happiness with that someone, but you settled as friends so you ended up throwing away the one shot deal? Honestly, I’m not worried. I’ve never been worried about missing my chances at being happy with someone because I know it’s not something that I could never find in myself. I produce my own sunshine and happiness. We all do! It’s on me to share it to other people. I never needed someone to make me feel whole because I am complete whether someone is holding my hand or not.

So what I need is a friend who knows me well, who’ll understand my tantrums and deal with it. Someone I can laugh with and share my stories with. A friend who I can talk whatever with no boundaries whatsoever. A friend who can be my plus one in parties and get drunk with. One who’ll ask me to a slow dance even with a pop music playing. A guy my parents can be comfortable with. Just someone who gets me. I have always believed that two opposite genders can have a platonic relationship. Being anything more than friends is just another label. What matters is the strong foundation and relationship I have with that person. If it turns out that my best friend is the one, wouldn’t that be great?! But if not, a best friend for life is not a loss love at all.

Choose carefully. And learn to love yourself.

xoxo,

G

Subscribe on my YouTube Channel1

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100 SUBSCRIBERS IN YOUTUBE?! You guys are the best!!!!!

Last 4 months, I began being active in the YouTube community wherein I constantly post—is posting two videos in four months considered constant?—and actively comment on videos to sub on my channel haha. It gives me great joy to share my videos on the internet. Of course, there’s the hope of getting known duh, but nope it’s not my first priority. These past months, I have learned to love YouTube. I have been watching nonstop YouTube videos about almost anything but mostly about travel vlogs and tutorials on cinematic videos. I have also learned more stuff about editing and using transitions to enhance and to make sick edits lol oh yeah. I can’t explain how much excitement I feel when I edit or when I take videos of myself and other people. Even my friends now call me “vlogger”, I don’t exactly feel shy when I vlog around but I’m not totally confident yet. I haven’t even got past the point of being able to talk in front of the camera with my friends around. I mean I hate speaking in front of people I have the phobia and all but I just love the concept of vlogging that it makes it want to overcome that fear. Ever since I was kid, I have been recording through my phone and camera. I remember using Windows Movie Maker to compose a compilation of my photos and make it into a video with background music.

Anyway, I am planning to upload videos for as long as it gives me happiness. It’s actually quite fun and rewarding to be able to receive comments and love from people you don’t know! I feel like this is my one of my true hobbies in life. And I think I’m going to be doing this for a long time.

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO MY CHANNEL!!!! IT WOULD MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND MY DREAMS. I subscribe back, you guys! I’m actually looking to do a collab. Hmu if you want! 🙂

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCouX1vaDY-aqCP3Jw9EzCdw

Love,

G

Word Prompt #8: Advise to Newbies

Word Prompt #8:

Advise to Newbies 

There are times when you couldn’t just share what you feel to other people, not even to your best friend. It may be something that you don’t want to share because you could be judge. But that’s where an online diary or creating a personal blog comes to help you. You can be totally anonymous and pour it all out or you could introduced yourself and be heard. It’ s something that gives you freedom to express without actually having the trouble of a direct conversation with a person. My advise to newbies? That is your page therefore you say what your hearts wants to say as long you know it doesn’t hurt anyone. Because online or not, you bear the consequences of your own words. You share whatever as long it’s something that you could live bc everyone in this planet is bound to see it. May it be personal, travel, news or even gossip blog, it’s yours to navigate however you wish.

Word Prompt #7 Best Achievement

Word Prompt #7:

Best Achievement 🏆

I DON’T HAVE ANY BEST ACHIEVEMENT. LOL okay what can I talk about here…I guess the fact the I had traveled and visited great states in the United States while working on my own was something that I am proud of. For a year, it was like I was having my gap year. I was working, learning and earning! Now, I’m off to another adventure and hopefully the beginning of my career. I’ll be sharing my next agenda in a few months. 🙂

 

Word Prompt #6: Secret Hobby

Word Prompt #6:

Secret Hobby 

This hobby is pretty embarrassing but not uncommon. I make dialogues and scenarios in my head and execute it in front of the mirror mostly, but pretty much anywhere as long as it’s just me myself and I. Sometimes, it’s automatic that I just found myself blabbering random made up stuff it’s making me cringe.  Now, ya’ll probably be thinking like yo this is not a secret hobby this is you being crazy. Well, obv it’s a secret because no one knows about it and it sure as hell a hobby if I do it every single day. 😹

Word Prompt #4: Fave Fictional Character

Word Prompt #4:

Fave Fictional Character

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I would definitely say KUDO SHINICHI. My ultimate prince that I’d marry him with no question if ever he becomes a TRUE HUMAN BEING. Huhuhu. He came from an anime series titled “Detective Conan” which is all about a young high school detective being the prodigy in solving whatever kind of cases but his body got shrunk due one night due to spying drug dealers and ever since he’s been solving cases through a body of a kid. HE FREAKING MADE ME WANT TO BE A DETECTIVE. I love you, Conan.

Word Prompt #3: What I Do Best

Word Prompt #3:

What I Do Best

I don’t know if I can ever answer that specifically. But just last week, I was talking to Tacky about our individual talents. And he went about how I can inspire people without being aware of it. I honestly don’t see myself inspiring other people because I don’t even know inspires me let alone inspire people, right? But I’m glad that he thinks I’m capable of being that kind of person that helps other people inspire and realize things.

Word Prompt #2: This Month’s Aim

Word Prompt #2:

This Month’s Aim

Basically, one of my aims for this month is to successfully finish this 30-day word prompt. Another, I am finally starting my own vlog channel you guys! I can’t contain my excitement. I ordered the camera last week and it’s coming next week. So that’s another thing to look forward to this month: to get my hands on Canon G7 mark II. I really feel like I will do better in this vlogging thing because ever since I was a kid I have been capturing videos and editing them. I must have gotten this hobby from my dad. Hmm. One thing I got from him that I’m thankful. 👍🏻

And go subscribe to my YouTube channel! THANK YOU!!! MWA

Word Prompt #1: How I Got Into It

Word Prompt #1:

How I Got Into It

It started back in my first or second year of college. I was in this computer class that required us to create a personal blog to be submitted at the end of the semester. It made me curious more than annoyed since I already had my Tumblr blog back then. I settled for WordPress as my platform and been writing ever since. It wasn’t always easy to share my thoughts. I felt shy and exposed whenever I did. But I felt the satisfaction whenever I hit the publish button. Somehow, it releases a fraction of the burden inside me. And since then, I just open and write whenever I’m being drowned by emotions. I never thought I’d made this into a money-earning blog but just a personal one where anyone close or stranger could read it just cause they’d stumble upon it.

Before And After Me

I used to love going out like A LOT.  And by that I meant drinking til I’m passed out drunk, going home past 12am, doing hella crazy stuff or YOLO for short. People who know me back in college can easily pinpoint me as one of those gals who is down for anything crazy and illegal. I don’t do drugs or anything major like that but more subtle things like drunk driving or anything alcohol-involved. I wasn’t always like that though…

Back before I became so open-minded and liberal-kinda, I was this geek girl who was a KPOP, JPOP, Kdrama, Jdrama, anything international-language-that-you-can’t-even-pronounce drama fan. I was this student who participated in Sudoko challenges in school. I even joined the Rubik’s cube challenge back in college with no friends to support me because my interests were too odd for them. I lost in round one though, but it didn’t matter because I felt fulfilled trying my best. I WAS THAT SIMPLE GIRL. Literally. I remember in my first year of college, I only had four or five t-shirts and two pairs of pants to wear at school. Everything I had was oversized shirts except for this one blue- striped blouse that I bought before school started. I was wearing it every week it became impossible for every single one of my block mates to have missed. How’d I know? A few years later, one of them confessed she could still draw that blouse by heart. See? I was this home-to-school school-to-home girl. But then life got in the way and decided to revamped my life. I started hanging out after class more. I learned how to wear skinny jeans. I got conscious and decided that three cups of rice per meal was more than a mortal sin. Although, I allowed it on my menstrual periods because damn girl give me some slack! Thinking about it now, I did became another person. I didn’t realize it back then because I was too preoccupied with the changes happening to me. My mom got pretty upset of what was happening and then the confused little girl inside me threw a tantrum and did bad things. You know, usual stories about good girl gone bad.

When it became too much, I begged my mom to get me out of the country. I was then in the U.S. for a year. Got what I finally wanted and learned to love myself again. I found myself beginning to return to who I was before. Even though, I couldn’t be the perfect replica of my older version I can say I have improved a lot for the better. Despite all of the hardship, I am very thankful for the lessons and experiences. I wouldn’t be me now if it weren’t for those.

But then, I came home late last year and got pretty depressed for a couple of months. Maybe because reality hit me again. My indecisive self could not keep up with things. Nowadays, I don’t hang out with my friends because I feel like I’m lagging behind them. I feel we have this friendship gap probably because I was absent for a year or I’m not in the same stage as them anymore. Also, the usual family dramas keeps on hunting me everyday. It’s sad and it did get into me. I almost fell into my bad habits. Almost. Instead, I chose the path that I didn’t choose before. I dealt it with positivity. I very much thank God because every single time that I almost did something bad, something will happen that won’t made me do it. It wasn’t just once but many times. It’s as if a sign from the universe not to give in to temptations. And I’m very thankful for that. Thankful for the never ending support and guidance from my family and God.

Now, I feel better than I have felt in years. Not just temporary happiness that you feel when you bought a new toy and the next day you’re like meh but that peace you know is lingering inside you no matter what stroke of bad luck you may encounter. I know this may not last. Nothing is. But for now, I am choosing to embrace this and be better as long as I can. Who knows? I may be eating my words in a few months but for now I am just really happy I got to have the chance to feel light and at peace again.

Xoxo,

G