hello,

I just paid my monthly rent to my landlord the other day, which means it’s been a month since I started another chapter of my life. Lately, life has been hard a bit. Now that I’m paying a hefty amount of rent, it’s been quite a struggle when it comes to budgeting my expenses and savings. I feel like this is how it’s gonna go for the rest of my life. Work and save, I mean. It’s not like I wanna work and just play all the time, that’s not it. I’m pretty sure I’m done enjoying spending my money on some temporary happiness and useless things. I’ve been through that already. I’ve enjoyed my life accordingly. I can say that because I don’t feel like I regret anything, or missed some enjoyment in life that I should’ve experienced. This time, I want to be able to find the thing that makes me at peace. I believe happiness is not a constant thing in this world, that it’s just as quick to be taken away from a person if something ugly happens. But peace, on the other hand, it’s like it secretes this calm smart way of dealing with things from any kind of emotion a person can get. Nevertheless, I’m on a quest for that right now.

On a lighter note, work is getting interesting and busier. I have tons of paperwork piled up. I know I can do it. Also, I’ve been drinking coffee almost every day! I can’t help it now, it’s like my brain won’t function well for the day if I don’t get a sip. And it doesn’t help that it’s free in my work.

Also, last week was my last weekly YT vlogs. Right now, I’m in the middle of preparing another information video. I haven’t done that in a long time. So if there’s any topic you want me to discuss, do let me know by leaving a comment down below. It’s easier to keep track of that way than messaging me online.

Thanks for reaching this far in my post. I’m gonna go back to my day and do my best to have a productive day as I’m starting to get really sleepy in my position in bed now. I love you all.

ja ne,
gure 🍵

how things are lately

Hey guys, how long has it been?! A lot has happened since the last time I blog. Not sure if I’ve mentioned that I’m finally done with school, but I think I might have mentioned that already. My work from home setup has stopped two months ago. It’s been back to normal here in BC for a couple of months now, that’s why WFM kind of no longer makes sense in my position.

I’ve also moved out of my old place. I didn’t think it was gonna happen until later this year or even early next year, but it did. It was the most stressful week for me that has happened after graduating. I like the new place I’m staying at. I have a spacious room that I am renting. Of course, I still can’t afford to pay for my own place. Real estate here in Vancouver is crazy high. But the best thing is I’m not cooking my food anymore! I’m finally eating properly—maybe even more than necessary. It’s kinda a homestay, so food is being prepared for us. I no longer have to stress about what to cook after a long day of work. One of the great things as well is that I’m now only a 20-minute walk away from my workplace, which saves me a lot for my fare. And I can just easily allocate that to my rent expense.

All things considered, I’m very satisfied and contented with how things are doing regarding my wellbeing. I could always wish for a much comfortable way of living, but that’s not going to help me grow as a person. I’m still adjusting from being a part-time employee to a full-time one. It’s amazing how time flies so fast. Now, I wake up every day and do the same thing all over again. When I was still studying, things were a bit unpredictable. However, I would still choose where I am right now. I like moving forward, even though sometimes, all I do is rant about how things are hard in life. It’s how I cope up, I guess. At the end of the day, I always end it with me being grateful for everything that I have. I always think that I’m in a much better place than before no matter how things are hard. But of course, this is also because I have a great support system in my life.

Hopefully, you guys are hanging in there. I know it’s a tough time. I would just like to say that being sad, unproductive, angry, and all kinds of negative energy and feelings are okay to be felt right now. But also, it doesn’t mean that we can live in that state for too long. There is always someone and something that could uplift us from whatever we’re feeling. We just gotta be open-minded and ready for it to change us. Remember that at this time, people need each other, so don’t be a stranger to anyone especially at this time of crisis.

Love lots and wear your mask,
Gee

Thank You, I Made It

Happy Monday Everyone!

 

Here I am, trying to get a great start off of my week. I woke up a bit late today, but actually, I don’t think it is that late considering I almost always sleep super late nowadays. But as soon as I wake up, I decided I wanted to start my day exercising. So I did. Afterward, I felt like I was gonna pass out so I prepared myself some breakfast. And now, I’m just sitting at my study table/work table/dining table/sleeping table.

I made a list last night of the things that I’m supposed to do this week. Although it’s still a little bit all over the place, at least I have something to cross off this week. So for today, I’m supposed to start work SERIOUSLY. But as you can see, it’s already past lunchtime, and all I’ve accomplished so far is exercising. But I don’t want any negativity this day, so I’m just gonna think of this as kinda prepping my day for something productive to happen.

Aside from working in a serious mode today, I am also planning on going out probably later this afternoon or tomorrow to pick up my package from UPS. I have no idea what it is, but I’m always excited to receive packages. It’s been so long that I’ve been cooped up inside my room, so excessive online shopping was bound to happen. I’d like to make a video about my quarantine online shopping haul, so I’m just kinda waiting for everything to arrive.

Now, this post is going nowhere important, but thank you for reaching this far. If you have seen my recent video regarding ‘a look at my virtual class’, I have mentioned that I am almost done with my school. And you guys know that I always announce everything firsthand in this blog rather than my any social media, so yes…

I finally graduated from a 2-year program at Langara College. It was such a freakin roller coaster show. Honestly, it was the second toughest of all the toughest experiences that I’ve had in my entire life. But right after I graduated, I was like, ‘so that’s it?’. Now I just wake up and think about nothing else and it feels so liberating knowing that I’ve passed every single one of those subjects that made me cry at night. I feel so proud of myself for making it through without failing a subject. And even if I did and I still made it through graduation this year, I’d still feel equally proud. Of course, I’m pretty sure lots and lots of you guys, from my blog readers to my YouTube subscribers, prayed and hoped for me to be able to make it, so a BIG THANKS TO YOU. You guys have been so supportive to me. I know I have shared a lot of my journeys with you, but you guys made it memorable for me as well. I came across a lot of opportunities and friends because of my YouTube channel. And those gave me such unique experiences and lessons that I never thought was possible for me.

My journey does not stop here, it is only another beginning of something better. So I hope that you’ll continue to be there with me through this blog and my social media. I’m in the middle of processing my work permit. In the meantime, I am working on WFH. But considering how things are getting back to normal in BC, I might start working on the office at the end of June 2020.

If you guys haven’t checked out my Instagram, please follow me as I’m mostly active on that platform. I’ll see you guys soon. Hopefully, we get to meet in person. And I’m considering sending out mail to each one of you(that is if you’re willing to share your address 😉), so do let me know in my email or IG.

 

Again, as always, you guys are awesome! I LOVE YOU!

 

xoxo,

Glaire

 

appreciate & love

you,

 

I opened my window and curtain which rarely happens since I’m scared of the light. But I’m trying to change my scenery every day or else I’m gonna start banging my head at every four corners of my room. Anyway, I started playing a Frank Sinatra playlist and I instantly got into another level of mood. My room started to get chilly because it was windy outside and clouds were gloomy.

*Young At Heart by Frank Sinatra on cue*

Then my imagination wandered…

He and I dancing with these love songs somewhere simple and cozy. I’m wearing a pale yellow dress just above my knee paired with simple cream-colored doll shoes. My hair in braids with cute little flower clips around my hair. While he’s looking amazingly good as always wearing my favorite sweatshirt on him. And he’s got healthier hair than mine, I’m jealous. It’s just the two of us dancing around the music while we whisper sappy compliments at each other. Then, another creature comes at our feet begging for attention. It’s big and furry and brown: our adopted dog. We both looked down, “Aww, come here.” and we scoop her(yes, it’s a she!) up. My god, she’s heavy! The three of us sat on the couch and put the dog on our laps. My head on his shoulder and his hand around my shoulder. I feel safe. We both feel safe. 

Then my imagination was stopped by the overwhelming wonderful feeling. I stopped to savor the moment while looking out of the window. The clouds were getting darker and darker and I can’t help but still be hopeful. I want to believe that my imagination will come true. I know it’s kind of hard to think that far past this crisis at the moment, but there’s always something to look forward to, to get me to keep going. For my happily ever after, I’ll continue to live and stay healthy for my love ones. I will see them again. I will see him again. And when I do, the first thing I’ll say is how much I love them.

 

keep safe human,

glaire

 

 

 

just a bit more

I miss vlogging, honestly. But I’m just dying out here tryna juggle my studies and work. Work is not a major problem, but there’s too much school stuff and my courses this term are freaking hard. I mean not the course probably but my professors are making it so complicated, I swear if we had different instructors, I wouldn’t bleed this much. I can’t even find the time to want to film. I feel so guilty even touching my camera when I could’ve been reviewing. Everything just sucks right now. I wanna get back to editing already. If there were even times that I seem to be having fun on social media, I swear those were the only times I was free. I just finished one bloody midterm and right after we’ve been bombarded with presentations and reports already. So close to having a good night’s sleep. I find myself sighing all the time, I’m starting to think whether it’s just the stress or my lungs are starting to fail. I cried myself to sleep last night even. I didn’t even plan it. I just couldn’t take it. It felt good though right after I cried. It was loud. It was messy. Lights were off and I just let it all out and I could imagine an ugly crybaby while I was in the middle of bawling and the image was kinda funny so it made me calm down a bit after. Today is another day, another day about to end and I decided to finally write something about it. What more can I say? This is life. I know it doesn’t end here. I’m not gonna study for my whole life. All I’m saying is fuck this I’m so tired. I wanna quit, but I’m so close to the end line I can almost see its shadow lurking. Konti nalang please.

Blue For Days

Just got back from the Philippines yesterday around 5pm. I was home around 8pm and started unpacking my stuff. I slept around 11pm and woke up 6:30am. And here I am at the moment on the way to my work at Vancouver. I feel sad. It finally hit me I miss my family. I get so teary eyed thinking about them.

This is why I didn’t want to go home in the first place. I know I’ll be feeling this way once I came back. It’s gonna be a hell of sad weeks for me. Although, I don’t regret going home. I’d do it all over again even if I know I’ll be feeling miserable afterwards. They’re worth it.

Looking on the brighter side, this motivates me to do better in Canada. The longing feeling always gets better. Remember that. It doesn’t go away but it sucks less in time.

*tears building up my eyes*

*tries to hold it*

*couldn’t hold it any longer*

*doesn’t give a damn I’m in a bus and cries*

*forgot to bring tissue*

*stops writing just cause it’s too much*

Term 5 Ended Today

Two hours ago, my school’s term 5 officially ended. I just had a dreadful 3 hour finals on Statistics. This past two weeks, I barely had enough sleep because of finals and work. Even though I so badly need a sleep right now, I just wanted to drop by and write down this moment. And of course, my blog always get the dibs on any new information in my life. Since we’re talking about information now, tomorrow I’m off to the PHILIPPINES. Omg, I’m excited. But honestly, it still hasn’t sunk in yet that I’ll be going home tomorrow for the holidays. My life, oh my life has just been very busy. Tomorrow—I mean later—I’m going to work and try to finish all the stuff I can since I will be gone for a couple of days. Then, I’m gonna pack. OMG, I haven’t done that yet. Somebody help.

So that’s just about it, term 5 you’re done. Next one is the last one! Bring it on baby. Gosh, I feel nauseous. I need sleep!

November 2019

Why hello there! It is a Sunday evening and I’m writing again to no one. Actually, it’s almost midnight. Ten hours before my class starts, to be exact. I guess I need to go to sleep now? Maybe after this…

So what’s new? Well, I just noticed I haven’t started editing for another YouTube video. I usually hear this screeching voice in my head saying I need to start working on another video when a week has passed after my last edit. But it’s been a month since my last upload and still nada. I am so on fire! Ha? I’m not making any sense right now.

But let me say this, I know life does not stop for anyone. But at some point in our life, it can feel like we’re at a pause or something. I guess I was on that pause phase for a while where I had to re-evaluate some important decisions in my life. It’s good once in a while to just stop and think twice about where you are in your life. 

Right now though, I’m feeling quite better. Thank you for the people around me, especially my mom who just openly listened to my doubts in life and afterward gave me life lessons and advice. That never gets old. I can never get enough of those advice from her. 

I want to say a lot of things right now…mostly about life lessons and realization. But maybe that’s for another whole new post next time. In fact, I have a lot of kwento to share. It’s crazy. I still believe everything happens for a reason and I mean it. I know we make our own fate and whatnot. But maktub, right? No matter how we think we make our own faith, when you think about maktub, everything is just thrown out the window. Okay, don’t tell me you don’t know what maktub is. Hello, The Alchemist, anyone? It means it is written. So whatever it is you think you’re doing dodging fate like that, it really how it was supposed to happen. 

You know some of these days, I would like to be able to talk in front of anyone and talk about life. Hahahaha. I don’t know! It seems like it would be really fun sharing my perspective in life and not just that but also hearing other people’s experiences. Man, this post is getting out of hand. I should stop and get my daily dose of sleep. 

I love you all. 

Glaire

familiar

There are things I’ve tried so hard to forget in the past and moved on from that are starting to knock on my door again. And here I am welcoming them with open arms. It’s not the best choice I have right now, but it’ll do for now. It’s not the best way to deal with what I’m going through, but it helps me survive the day.

My routine is becoming all too familiar once again. It’s funny when you’re in the right state of mind, some things are just so unacceptable to you. But when you’re not, you don’t even blink twice to do it.

Oh well, life.

g

Isn’t it Ironic, Don’t You Think?

I bet you sang a little when you read the title. Unless of course, you don’t know Alanis Morissette’s hit music Ironic?! The chorus goes on like “It’s like rain on your wedding day…” which is something that happens to me except it’s not my wedding day, but it’s just an ordinary day…

Today’s weather forecast was a full day rain. I lost my umbrella the other week, so I had no choice but to walk in the rain a few blocks from the station to the school. I swear I was the only one brave enough to walk in the rain without some cover. 🤷🏼‍♀️ After class, I was supposed to stay at the library for a few more hours to study for my Stat midterm, but I just wasn’t really in the mood to study for anything. I skipped that supposed study session and bravely faced another few blocks of walking in the rain to the station. I’m no Elsa but the cold and rain couldn’t bother me in any way. There was a long queue for the bus way home but good thing I was lined in front, so I still had the chance to be seated at a window seat. I just stared outside the window the entire trip thinking about things. I could never see past my window because it’s so foggy and rain won’t stop pouring outside. I couldn’t care about the view outside when my head was so full of thoughts. I guess I was too busy thinking that I missed my stop. I swear it never happened to me before. I could fell asleep in the middle of the trip but still wake up two or three stops before my stop. But this time on the bus earlier, I think I just heard my street name so faint that it took my brain to register for about 5 seconds to realize that oh shite that’s my stop. But I was too late and the bus already zoomed past my stop and I just realized like fuck I was gonna walk for blocks while raining. I was not ready for this haha. I’ve been here for almost two years and never have I ever missed my stop and when I did it’s pouring like hell. Great. I stepped out of the bus and gather my self like how the fuck am I gonna survive. I stopped in the middle of the crosswalk, took out my coat in the middle of the rain and made sure my backpack was sheltered inside my coat. I walked for what feels like an eternity. I couldn’t run. Running would do no good and I couldn’t risk slipping lol. Fuck this life was what I thought while I was walking in the rain. Isn’t it fucking ironic that it had to happen today? Is there some kind of message over this? 

I just thought maybe it’s a wake-up call to finally buy a fucking umbrella lol and finally move on to one that I lost. I did look for another umbrella the other day, but then I thought maybe I could still survive without a new one. But alas, not after this incident for sure. I guess it’s time to finally let go of whatever sentiment the lost umbrella holds and just buy a new one. 

Yeah, I’ll do that. Tomorrow, okay? ‘Cause I’m fucking tired now.

Goodnight, 

Glaire

‘Tis Nothing

I’m in the middle of editing a new video. I’m back in editing a Vancouver vlog. I’m done with my Japan vlogs, maybe the last one for now. I don’t see myself going out of the country since I’m graduating soon. That soon is six months from now, so yes I’m pretty excited about it. Despite the constant struggle in studies, but what the hell is new to that? I have been working my ass off in two jobs for the past few weeks. I’m transitioning into a new job that hopefully will be my path to a better experience in line with my studies. It’s getting quite hard juggling with this new job, nearing finals, the gloomy months ahead and thought of spending the holidays alone. But again, it is what it is. What can I do about it? I just gotta suck it up and just cry in the corner of my room in the middle of the night lol jk

To my readers, don’t ever stop finding the good in every little disappointments in life. Everything truly happens for a reason. It happens for reasons we see and we don’t see. I know it’s a little out of the topic, but this is something that I have to remind myself too. As a way, I guess, it’s something that I want myself to be reminded of when I look back at this entries I made. I feel thankful, mad, annoyed, ungrateful, happy, frustrated and all other kinds of feelings all the time. I can’t help but be lost of track from time to time, but at the end of the day, it really is how I look at the current situation and how I choose to respond to it.
Letting out a big sigh. Another day, another piece of rant/realization/random thought.

You have a good day, reader.

Nightie,
G

Not at All Stagnant

I have been working in the kitchen for almost a year and a half now. Recently, I have been working mostly in the salad section, I can’t complain though since I love the early schedule of doing the salad. I could work almost anywhere in the kitchen except for one place: sushi. Funny thing though is that’s the most thing that interests me—you know me, right?—but I could never get that shift. I guess some people—we call them the OGs—really have been working in that area for a long time now that they don’t need new people there. However, for the past 2 months, people have been quitting to the point where it messed everyone’s regular schedule. And you know what they say, things happen when you least expect them…

Brian, my former colleague, taught me how to roll sushi and pack them. It was brief, but it made me so happy. It had been so long since I felt excited in my workplace. A week after that, he quit. Then comes one day when half of the people from the kitchen called in-sick. The cook had no choice but to place me in the sushi section. I was so excited hahaha I couldn’t help smiling while rolling the sushi. First, you grab a nori sheet then grab a handful of sushi rice then spread them atop of the rice. Then, turn it over, place the crab meat, cucumber and avocados inside. Then here comes the tricky part: rolling the sushi without having anything coming out of it and shaping them with the bamboo sushi roller. But oh wait, there’s trickier than that: cutting it! 😹I had to leave that part to my senior since when I cut it, everything comes out on both ends of the roll. But yeah, I had so much fun. Now, I can make my sushi at home.

I went home feeling satisfied and I can’t help but think that it’s been so long since I learned a new thing in my workplace. I just realized I have been so comfortable with what I know now that it never occurred to me that something else could also offer me happiness. Reflecting as I walked back home, I thought of things in terms of where I stand in my life outside my work life. I’ve been preoccupied with studies—as I should be—that it’s kind of hard to see past it. But then I thought, if it was possible for me to feel excited over some simple sushi rolling, then maybe I just needed something new in my life right now. It doesn’t have to be something big but at least something that would make me flinch and say hey this thing makes me weirdly happy. 

Sometimes, we’re just too focused on doing what we know. Sure there’s no harm in doing what we’re good at and harnessing it, but sometimes there’s more to experience outside of what we already know. It’s not necessarily leaving our past and starting anew, but more of expanding that little bubble around us that we call comfort zone and growing out of it. 

 

xoxo

g e e

What Calms Me

I never know what to say in the first sentence on my post now. You often hear from me now, I know that. I’m not sorry though. If you should know, there are a lot of new things that are happening in my life now, both exciting and not. I don’t know what to say, honestly. I seldom have the urge to write on my blog now. Unlike before when at the most random moments, a topic would just pop into my head and I’d know what to write about next. It’s not that I’m not sad about it. It just means I’m prioritizing other things for now. And truth to be told, writing is something that calms me. It’s not something that I have to update all the time. This blog seems to be there for me whenever I’m feeling happy, sad, excited or just whatever. It just waits for me to write something in it.

Today, I had a hectic day. Not that I’m not used to be having such a day by now, but today is a little bit different than usual. I worked for 13 hours today and had to travel back and forth to Vancouver. I literally had to carry a little or more than 500 kg of boxes today. Meh, it’s no biggie. It’s just an ordinary Saturday for me. That, I don’t mind. But what’s really upsetting me—wow, okay I’m not that upset—is the fact that I’m mentally bothered by something. You’re getting me, right? I mean wouldn’t you say it’s more stressful if you’re dealing with something in your head than, say…I don’t know, in real life maybe? lol I didn’t know how to compare that one. You get what I mean though, right? Lifting actual shit is bearable than overthinking imaginary shit. Anyway so when I got home, I ate my dinner in a hurry and drew myself a bath. I sipped my wine and relax while watching Friends. After a while, I just listened to my fave lofi playlist and soaked into the hot water. It felt so relaxing that I was so sleepy by the time I took the shower. But by the time I was on my bed—which I am now—I knew I just had to write something on my blog.

Things don’t have to make sense right now. I just have to find a way to respond to things in a way where it can lead no harm to anybody. I know things don’t always happen to the way I wanted it to be and that I have to accept it. It’s just hard, sometimes.😢 I wish I could just turn my mind off thinking things, you know. It’s not like I don’t try to avoid overthinking, it just won’t stop popping into my head.

Nevertheless, I like sharing my thoughts here. It makes me feel a tad better knowing I’ve let it out of my chest. Thank you for taking the time to read, stranger. I hope this post finds you well. It’s all about how you respond to the negativities in your life. Life won’t be positive as it is without these negativities after all.

 

oyasumi,

gurei-san ♡

When It Starts to Hit You Hard

I’m in the middle of the summer break. Not a very long one, but still very much grateful for any kind of short break I could get these days. Besides having short hours of work, which btw means short on cash, my life on break consist mainly of me staying in, editing videos, doing the manual labor of laundry since our washing machine is not working, and lastly the occasional struggle of I-wanna-hang-out-w/-them-but-my-bed-feels-too-good. So basically, that’s what I have been up to the last seven days.

Last night, I had to force myself out of the house and join my friends on a fair called PNE at Vancouver. It basically consists of different events such as concerts, rides, and even museum for kids. We went there for a specific reason and that is to watch 98 degrees live. If you have no idea who are they, then you’re probably way too young to know them. They were widely known as a band back in the 90’s playing R&B music. But honestly, I don’t know much of their songs—I only recognized their super famous songs—because I was only born when they debuted.

So you probably know their famous song I Do (Cherish You). I actually wasn’t familiar with the title at first, but the moment I read the title, I automatically sang it in my mind. Then I thought, I know this! So this was sung by them. That was mainly the song I knew and then I have maybe two other songs that were quite familiar—but not enough for me to sing along with the crowd.

The show starts at 8:30 pm, but we got inside the PNE at 6 pm. I was shocked to see the long queue for the general admission. It’s free, so it’s a bit expected. But nevertheless, still shocked that many people would actually be attending. But hey, I was underestimating the power of older generations. No offense tho, I’m one of them. It was an open-air concert. My friends and I settled inside the concert venue an hour early and seated at the top left part of the crowd. I was observing what kind of audience were coming in: age and ethnicity wise. And I felt a sense of connection with these people because most of them were definitely older than me and I know they’ve been listening to 98 degree’s hits growing up. I may not have the same strong liking of their music, but somehow, I know I was part of that time back then. While searching the crowd, my mind was taken back to the times when some old song would play on the radio and my parents would proudly and dreamily tell us how that song reminded them of their childhood. Back then, I would just nod and smile at them like I know how they’re feeling. Now looking around at the crowd, I understood what my parents were actually talking about. I’m becoming a part of the older generations and that there are younger ones who may find the 98 degree’s coordinate dance moves a bit tacky.

The concert started and they started playing their hits—some of them I know, some of them I had no idea. But the best part was, they didn’t just sing their own songs but also sang other 90’s and early 20’s hits for us. It was so amazing and I felt very proud and nostalgic. I thought at that time, no one could enjoy this better than the ones who have been living our times. There’s so much sense of pride that washed over me that night.

When I think about it, I really am not getting any younger. There’s already a new generation after me. I’m starting to see myself in them and say, “Ha, I was not that mischievous when I was her age.” Like I can hear my mom telling me the same thing haha. It’s not our prime time anymore—not to sound too dramatic. It’s funny, you don’t ever feel like the talk of the town not after you’re not anymore.

All of these are not a bad thing, of course. It just means that life continues just like how it’s been since the beginning of the time. We do our thing in our own time and phasing. And it got me thinking about my transitioning in this life. I know I haven’t been the most decisive person ever, but I feel like it’s an accomplishment somehow that I’m thinking about my life now. It’s better late than never. Twenty-four and counting and I’m looking forward to life ahead of me. I want to live my life the way I want it to be. I feel blessed enough to have people around me who supports me financially and emotionally. Growing up, I am starting to understand people struggle in their own ways. I stopped comparing and saying such thing as, buti pa siya ganito ganyan.

I still got a long way to go in this life. Laban lang.

Love lots,

Gee