Experience, Friends, Happy Thoughts

Before And After Me

I used to love going out like A LOT.  And by that I meant drinking til I’m passed out drunk, going home past 12am, doing hella crazy stuff or YOLO for short. People who know me back in college can easily pinpoint me as one of those gals who is down for anything crazy and illegal. I don’t do drugs or anything major like that but more subtle things like drunk driving or anything alcohol-involved. I wasn’t always like that though…

Back before I became so open-minded and liberal-kinda, I was this geek girl who was a KPOP, JPOP, Kdrama, Jdrama, anything international-language-that-you-can’t-even-pronounce drama fan. I was this student who participated in Sudoko challenges in school. I even joined the Rubik’s cube challenge back in college with no friends to support me because my interests were too odd for them. I lost in round one though, but it didn’t matter because I felt fulfilled trying my best. I WAS THAT SIMPLE GIRL. Literally. I remember in my first year of college, I only had four or five t-shirts and two pairs of pants to wear at school. Everything I had was oversized shirts except for this one blue- striped blouse that I bought before school started. I was wearing it every week it became impossible for every single one of my block mates to have missed. How’d I know? A few years later, one of them confessed she could still draw that blouse by heart. See? I was this home-to-school school-to-home girl. But then life got in the way and decided to revamped my life. I started hanging out after class more. I learned how to wear skinny jeans. I got conscious and decided that three cups of rice per meal was more than a mortal sin. Although, I allowed it on my menstrual periods because damn girl give me some slack! Thinking about it now, I did became another person. I didn’t realize it back then because I was too preoccupied with the changes happening to me. My mom got pretty upset of what was happening and then the confused little girl inside me threw a tantrum and did bad things. You know, usual stories about good girl gone bad.

When it became too much, I begged my mom to get me out of the country. I was then in the U.S. for a year. Got what I finally wanted and learned to love myself again. I found myself beginning to return to who I was before. Even though, I couldn’t be the perfect replica of my older version I can say I have improved a lot for the better. Despite all of the hardship, I am very thankful for the lessons and experiences. I wouldn’t be me now if it weren’t for those.

But then, I came home late last year and got pretty depressed for a couple of months. Maybe because reality hit me again. My indecisive self could not keep up with things. Nowadays, I don’t hang out with my friends because I feel like I’m lagging behind them. I feel we have this friendship gap probably because I was absent for a year or I’m not in the same stage as them anymore. Also, the usual family dramas keeps on hunting me everyday. It’s sad and it did get into me. I almost fell into my bad habits. Almost. Instead, I chose the path that I didn’t choose before. I dealt it with positivity. I very much thank God because every single time that I almost did something bad, something will happen that won’t made me do it. It wasn’t just once but many times. It’s as if a sign from the universe not to give in to temptations. And I’m very thankful for that. Thankful for the never ending support and guidance from my family and God.

Now, I feel better than I have felt in years. Not just temporary happiness that you feel when you bought a new toy and the next day you’re like meh but that peace you know is lingering inside you no matter what stroke of bad luck you may encounter. I know this may not last. Nothing is. But for now, I am choosing to embrace this and be better as long as I can. Who knows? I may be eating my words in a few months but for now I am just really happy I got to have the chance to feel light and at peace again.

Xoxo,

G

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Everyday

Meet My Apprentice, Tacky Boy!

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Guys…I’m thrilled to know this person even though I haven’t met him personally. We’ve known each other since last year from a mutual friend but we just started having real conversation a few days back. I mean it’s like bam we just suddenly hit it off! We were talking about animes until he brought up blogging up until vlogging was mentioned. He is so interested in starting his own vlog he bought equipment just yesterday lol talk about impulsive buying. But he said it was one of the best decisions ever! I’m glad and super excited for him. Like oh my god. I can’t believe I never knew this guy back in college. We went to the same university, btw. He’s a lower level though, hence a baby boy!

His full name is Takehiro Fujikawa or “Tacky” for short. He migrated in Japan now with his family. But he grew up in the Philippines with his mom. I don’t know him that well, yet. Just getting there,I guess. And I can’t wait to unravel more craziness from this chibi. So, we’ve talked which cameras to buy. He decided for Sony RX100 V but unfortunately, the model wasn’t available so he settled for Canon G7x II—MY RECOMMENDATION AND CHOICE! Lol. Yeah I’m supposed to buy one too on my birthday but they don’t have it here in Naga so I’m gonna have to wait until I get my hands on it. It’s funny how the first time we talked he was like “NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAM TO DO VLOG” but alas the saying NEVER SAY NEVER has never been true when he posted his first ever video in YouTube five days after.

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Pretty crazy, huh? Well, that’s my influence right there you folks. 😹 But damn, this kid has potential yo. He’s so randomly funny that his videos are spontaneous and full of humour. He speaks a lot of hugot in his videos and if you can’t understand Tagalog, it’s not for you. Haha. But really, he does have a talent for creating comedy content. And I hope that in the future he will get known for that. Now, go check out Tacky’s channel and don’t forget to subscribe.

P.S. He’s one of those people who give super touchy birthday message ever. I almost cried, you guys.

 

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Everyday

Neglecting my blog no more. I know I have been absent for the last couple of weeks. So here’s a recap. We visited South Korea for ten days. We were just in Seoul the whole time. It was still pretty cold although it’s Springtime already. Also, it’s been a month since I was experiencing severe coughing so I had myself checked up and found out my asthma has returned. I haven’t used Nebulizer since I was a little kid. I can’t even remember it anymore. So no more inhaling vape shit or shisha. I’m done. What else? Hmmm. Oh. I cut my own hair and had a fringe. Happened on a night when I had nothing to do. Picked a scissor. Opened Youtube. And cut cut cut cut. Hahaha. Turns out…Best DIY ever that has happened to me. I guess it suits me. Now, it’s me and my bangs every single day that I have to take care of. But mostly, I just clip my fringe up if I don’t feel like letting it loose down. It’s a bothersome and requires too much effort. I don’t have the patience to fix my hair all the time.

I guess that’s just it. Hihi. Babush!

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Books

Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

I saw this book recommendation in GoodReads the other day when I was searching for something worth reading and it didn’t disappoint me at all. In fact, I haven’t done a book-worth-to-post since after my reaction to Love, Rosie.

So this book is a compilation of poems about four things: the hurting, the loving, the breaking and the healing. If it kind of sounds familiar, you’re probably thinking of the works of Lang Leav. I’m a fan of both but I would say I could relate more to the work of Rupi Kaur from page one to the last one. And I like how some of the poems have their corresponding illustration which make it much deeper than it already is.

Why don’t I share with you some of my favorite poems included in Milk and Honey…

These are screenshots from my iBook. Here goes…

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Right here is my favorite… 🙂

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Everyday, Love, My Likes

GoodReads

There is no doubt about the amount of love I have when it comes to reading books. Mostly, I read romance, sci-fi, young-adult, chick-lit and mystery. What I usually do is I read a new genre after another—it serves as a refresher to my mind. Too much romance makes my brain dizzy, same thing with sci-fi it becomes boring if I read another one—unless it’s in series.  It’s like I have this on and off relationship with books which brings me to my confession about how I stopped reading for a year now and totally forgot about GoodReads Reading Challenge.

GoodReads is like a database for all the books out in the market. It’s like Yelp for books with reviews, quotes and whatnot. So whenever I’m running out of books to read, I go to their website and look up to some interesting read. My favorite part is the GoodReads Reading Challenge.

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So this is done yearly, the mechanics is for you to set a goal number that you think you’ll be able to read for the entire year. And whenever you finish a book, you’ll include it in your ‘read’ section. So far my best record was last 2013. I read 41 books out of my goal of 40.

 

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My worst record was last year. I can’t believe I just got 4 out of 20! I guess I really did forget everything else when I was in Chicago last year, eh? Screen Shot 2017-04-19 at 11.51.03 AM.png

But this year, I don’t have any excuses not to read so I set my goal to 10 books for 2017 challenge. I don’t want to feel overwhelmed so I’ll just have to adjust it later after I come close to my number. Good news though, as of now I have read 6 books! Not long before I adjust it to 30. Hopefully, I’ll top my best record and make it 50 this year. 🙂

 

Wish me luck!

xoxo,

G

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Chicago Diaries

7 Things I Miss About Living in the U.S.

For those who doesn’t know, I was fortunate enough to live abroad for about a year and a month for my internship. My placement was in Chicago and I had the best time ever in my life. But now that I am back in the Philippines, I can’t help but miss a few things. Actually, it’s a lot of things but I don’t think I have enough time to enumerate it all. 😅 So here are some:

Freedom

I was all alone for a year. No parents. No relatives. Sure, I got to talk to them via Skype for almost everyday but with the different timezones and whatnot, it’s just hard to keep up so there was no one telling me what to do and what time I should be going home. It was freeing since I haven’t really experienced NOT living with my parents before my internship. But when I came back and had to meet my friends after a long time,  I was set with a curfew. I honestly can’t say I did not expect it coming but to be able to actually experienced it again was quite unbelievable. But really it’s not all about going out and stuff, it’s also about freedom to travel anywhere I wish and whomever I want. There’s also the freedom to make decisions on my own.

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Winter Season

True to its name as the Windy City, Chicago’s wind can be very harsh especially to those from tropical countries like me. I remember my first day of work, I thought I was all covered good for the fall weather and went straight to open the door ready to go to work thinking the cold couldn’t be that bad but as soon as I stepped out of the door, I could hear the loud swishing of the wind. I was so wrong. I never felt so exposed in my life! The wind blew past my whole body as if I was not wearing anything. I immediately went back inside and gather my gloves, scarf and extra jacket. It was probably because I was still adjusting to the harsh weather, but still…poor me. I had to adjust for months for the cold weather. And just when my body was already settling in, I’m back again in my country experiencing heat wave everyday. I realize that if it’s cold, I can at least shield myself by wearing coats and hats and still feel okay but there’s no going around if it’s hot. Unless of course, you install an internal fan in your shirt.

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Dating

I never was the kind of person open in dating other people but that was before I went to Chicago. The first time I decided to meet up with someone, I bought this draft beer at 711 and jugged the whole thing thirty minutes before the meet up. Why the beer? I can never do meet ups with strangers let alone talk with them SOBER. Reckless? Maybe. So yeah, we met at the train station near my office and since we were going the same direction, we rode the train together. The guy was slurring all the time it was so hard for me to make out on what he’s saying. I swear half the time I just nod whenever I felt like he’s done talking. I had an OKAY time and never called the guy again. Nevertheless, it was a first and nice experience I had. Back here, I don’t even dare open Tinder. Yucky. In fact, it seems like my sexual hormones has been shut off the moment I set my foot back in this country. It’s probably because Filipinos don’t interest me that much. I prefer getting to know someone from other places foreign to me. It’s lovely and exciting, for me. 🙂

Stress-free Life

I don’t mean to sound unfair and ungrateful, but with all the pre-exisiting family dramas plus my personal struggles mixing up, they just don’t add up to my list of reasons-to-look-forward-to-when-I-come-back-home/reasons-to-stay. Nu-uh.

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The People

I’m not sure how to explain this without sounding bias. I’ve only been to other Asian countries but never outside the continent before and I can tell you people in the West are very genuine and nice, in general. Of course, I can’t say that much since I’ve only live there—particularly in Chicago—for a year.  🙄 But like honestly, people would open doors for you, even WOMEN would do that. Also, 7 out 10 people would randomly greet or smile at you. Back here if some stranger do that, one would be very skeptical and think maliciously already. It’s funny. And kind of unfair that I’m thinking so negatively for my people but it’s the naked truth.

No One Gives A Fuck

I may be the the type of girl who does not care of what she wears, most of the time. I do get conscious though, when there’s like an event or something—I think that’s only normal—but definitely besides those, I don’t care. As a foreigner, I was conscious at the way I dressed at first but actually you’d be surprise how people don’t give a fuck about what you’re wearing. They dress up however they want. A lot of times, I had encountered males and females having such out-of-this-planet type of colour in their hair and I just found fascinating that they weren’t conscious about it and wish I could have the courage to do something like that. But here in the Philippines, people are just naturally judgy especially women. How did I know that? Well, I may have been one of those women from time to time. Yeah, shame on me.

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My Dream Lives Up In There

Finally, this feels like the main reason why I miss living abroad. I feel like ever since I got home, my life has been on pause. Of course, I know it’s not entirely true because everyday I deal with stuff that makes me grow as a person. Things such as being considered grown up therefore having much responsibilities than before, the realization that I am not the same person as I was before I left and things like that. I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy here but I really see myself working my way up somewhere else. That I could accomplish something for myself. But you know what? I don’t dream of being a president of some company. I don’t dream of owning a castle. Although I know I wasn’t born to just pay bills and die, I only want enough for me and my family for the present and the future. And I wish I could say that I could get it all here where I grew up and I probably could easily get it, but still no. It’s already very much tangled up that I’d rather start from the bottom somewhere else far than have everything but happiness. After all, happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road. And my map says the start of that journey is not here.

Yes, those are some that made the list of why I miss living in abroad. I may sound a little into living away home but that does not mean I hate it here. I love it mainly because I have my family here. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the country. Just so happens that I fell deeply in love in other places. So yes, I’m a girl who has such a big lust to get away and see the world.

Photo credits: Pictures taken from https://www.instagram.com/chicagobucketlist/ and Pinterest.com

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Chicago Diaries

Bday Wishes

It was Kumpi’s birthday yesterday. I honestly thought it wasn’t until next month but turned out he needed to greet himself during our conversation as a reminder. Embarrassing. So Kumpi is one of my found friends in Chicago. We had the best time or rather I had the best time whenever we’re together on weekends or whenever. He was my concert buddy during Colbie Calliat’s tour in Chicago. Even though admittedly, he was kind of like half asleep during the whole thing because he found the songs real dull. Then during one of Colbie’s dreamy songs, he just looked at me and I was like dude what and told me he’d do anything this boring if it would me make this happy. Aww. He was the one who dragged me all the way to see the great Niagara Falls. Man, it was magical—both the scenery and the fact that I was with him. We also went to New York City. He had his class nearby and I tagged along and got the chance to walked in my heels—which was kind of a bad idea in the first place— around the city that never sleeps. Anyway, this guy tops everyone I met in Chicago. He is such a responsible guy and I thank him for being sober for so many night outs that we’ve had just so he could take care of my drunken ass every time. I even remember giving him a hard time one night because I was talking non-stop and I know I was starting to get on his nerve. What can I say, I was being such a girl. I love how driven he is in his career that he inspires me to be the better version of me in some ways. I like how casual things are with us, it’s like I don’t even have to make an effort to stand out when I’m with him because he doesn’t mind those things and I also am not the kind of person to change myself just for the other person. So now, I only wish for him to finally get the job and stability that he has so long been working for. I wish that I could have him as a friend for as long as it’s possible. Someday, I hope our paths will cross again because you know…you haven’t even tried eating balot. I know how badly you want to try it. Don’t worry! You’ll have your chance, Meanie.

Love,

Fats

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