Moments Like These

Before when things were a lot easier to handle, I never understand what depression was all about. I guess you will never understand until it happens to you.

Unlike then, when somehow there was something that could compensate my sadness, I know I would be okay eventually.

But not now when troubles are ten times complicated than before. When even grand comfort could not budge a bit of my misery.

What happened?

As I have told earlier, I never understand depression. But there really came a time when I felt it in me and I swear I’ve never been lonely in my life. I remember the first time depression took over me. It was that super random moment wherein I felt that overwhelming sense of sadness.

What I did then, was that I didn’t go straight home but instead I went to this milk tea place(luckily there was no one else) and spent the rest of my allowable time before curfew thinking about things. I went home after that feeling not even the slightest okay.

And now…

I think I’m having one of these moments again. My hands are trembling as I type for no reason. My heart is pounding I think I might be actually hearing it now. I HAD to leave the house and go somewhere else. So now I’m at SM and I’m keeping myself busy as much as possible.

I haven’t discussed this matter to my mom and I don’t think I need to and I’m hoping she wouldn’t know.

It’s late now. I think I have to go back and act that everything’s alright.

Wait I’m hungry. To eat or not to eat? Damn this.

Cheerless Mood

I should be happy right now. Today is the graduation celebration for my cousin. 🙂 But dang I feel tired instead. I spend my whole day at our store. I should’ve been with my mom when she attended the baccalaureate mass this morning but I was on my way to our store. I had no choice but to give way to them.

Also, I woke up early this morning around 3:30 AM and checked my phone. My friend texted me that our grades were already posted. And so I checked my account and went into grades section and goddamnit I wish I could turn back the time at that moment when I saw my score because I didn’t think it was possible for me to sleep again.

With all these and that, I am hoping to be forgiven with my cheerless mood. I just couldn’t bring myself to lighten up. I just can’t, okay?

And one thing more, I think I’m starting to get attached to someone. Ghaad seriously, when will I learn?

Just Another Day

So this is just about my day, nothing special in particular. Just wanna share something to bloggie. =)

Today, I skipped class for no reason whatsoever. I just felt like doing it or maybe because I had no idea what my teacher and my classmates were talking about. Aah! *Stretch* It felt good to finally leave the classroom and head home. But first things first, I went to my dentist to have my dental check-up and stuff. I was there for like one and a half hours and so my cutting scheme was useless. AAAAH! Feel like screaming again. Now maybe I should really just waited up for my class to end.

After the dental check-up, I swung by SM Mall and bought some school supplies and went to one of my favorite places: the bookstore. Usually, I hate crowded places where people would bump you and act as if they are the only person in the place but ehem not in the bookstore. I rather find it wonderful because those people and I share the same hobby. Like why would I be pissed? I’m the same as them, struggling to find the right book to buy, spending almost two hours just to scan pages and going beneath and above the book shelves.

I usually go to Booksale because I find the books there more interesting plus it’s cheap. So as I’m looking in the travel section, I spotted this book about my dream country and of course I dig it but it turns out to be only the maps of the cities. As I’m about to put it back, an elderly woman asked if she could have it because she too like the country. Wonderful, right? I found someone who fascinates the same country as I do. HAHA I know, you totally don’t get a word I say but you will eventually. Whatever! =p

So! I forced myself out of the store before I could buy anything and headed myself downstairs.. =)

I have wished to buy a Polaroid since last last year(?) and last Tuesday my fairy godMOTHER granted my wish. I excitedly went to the shop where I’m gonna buy my cute little thingy but then a dilemma crossed my path. I can’t decide which color to choose. Blue? Pink? Yellow? Seriously, does it even matter what color? Apparently, it does to me. So I decided to go home first and think about what color I want so that I won’t regret.

Home at last! Pajamas…food….internet…pillow…T.V…relax..happiness.  God seriously, why can’t I ever feel the same way about schooling? Must be my psycho brain.

Later this afternoon, it rained. RAIN! First rain in the summer or so I thought.

And then dinner came, my dad cooked since there’s no maid on duty today and I washed the dishes.

and…

I’d like to sleep now. Enough with my blabbering. I know this is too long. I have missed you so much bloggie! Good night! I know you love me. XOXO