12.03.17

A quick Sunday realization…

Today I wrote on my notebook diary and it was mostly an update about what happened the last few days. I was quite surprised to have found myself saying positive thoughts of life despite the hardship that I am facing. I like the person I have become over the last months and I wouldn’t certainly be in a good place if it weren’t for the unfortunate and fortunate circumstances that contribute to where I am right now. So, I am mostly grateful for the bad things that had happened to me over the past months bc it made me stronger and realize my worth. I just feel different this time, I don’t quite know how to explain it. Just that I like this present me than the old version of me.

For my readers, have a blessed Sunday and be grateful for today.

Moments Like These

Before when things were a lot easier to handle, I never understand what depression was all about. I guess you will never understand until it happens to you.

Unlike then, when somehow there was something that could compensate my sadness, I know I would be okay eventually.

But not now when troubles are ten times complicated than before. When even grand comfort could not budge a bit of my misery.

What happened?

As I have told earlier, I never understand depression. But there really came a time when I felt it in me and I swear I’ve never been lonely in my life. I remember the first time depression took over me. It was that super random moment wherein I felt that overwhelming sense of sadness.

What I did then, was that I didn’t go straight home but instead I went to this milk tea place(luckily there was no one else) and spent the rest of my allowable time before curfew thinking about things. I went home after that feeling not even the slightest okay.

And now…

I think I’m having one of these moments again. My hands are trembling as I type for no reason. My heart is pounding I think I might be actually hearing it now. I HAD to leave the house and go somewhere else. So now I’m at SM and I’m keeping myself busy as much as possible.

I haven’t discussed this matter to my mom and I don’t think I need to and I’m hoping she wouldn’t know.

It’s late now. I think I have to go back and act that everything’s alright.

Wait I’m hungry. To eat or not to eat? Damn this.