Kind of Sad

As per usual, Saturday is being spent productively on my bed, not with someone though, but just with my laptop. You have a dirty mind. I woke pretty early just because I always have my alarm set at 5:50 am, which I always plan on like taking that alarm setting off but nevertheless always fails to do it, anyway. So we had our breakfast as a family together. Finally, my mom is having a late breakfast with us and not rushing to get to the store. She left it in charge with someone for today, just so she can at least spend a peaceful morning not scurrying around like a woman on fire. I decided not to come with her to the store for today, instead, I just cleaned my room early this morning after she left with Shobe. I was kind of like planning on filming something for today but then there were calls on the queue and I had to work on it—it’s an online job.

Besides that, everything seems to be normal nowadays. Well, except for my never-ending anxiousness about the waiting game on my visa. But I’m learning to throw my IDGAF attitude on it little by little or else I might die in my sleep if I don’t stop this torture. I do have another thing going on, but it’s very personal. And it’s bothering me too.

Remember when I mentioned about my inner peace being one of those calm before the storm kind of thing? I’m kind of getting the vibe that there is a huge wave coming on my way and that I am both furious and scared for it.

Also, a bit realization I’ve been having has been on my mind lately. I’ve only known a couple of people who really stood out in my life and have/had a really great connection with me. Some are still present in my life and some has gone with the wind. Unfortunately, even with friends, there aren’t always happy endings. It’s not just romance that ends up sabotaging the relationship, but even mere friends do that. Friends are capable of hurting you, loving you and making you feel like you don’t need anyone but them. And when you got hurt by them, you think about how it would be nice to have never met them at the first place and that you wouldn’t have this scarred memories for life if you hadn’t known them at all. Then, I think about what was my life before them? Not to say nothing, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t have the time of my life with them. My life was pretty quiet for sure without them, but I know I would have chosen crazy over boring any time, anyway. And so bottom line, I probably shouldn’t shut myself out too much with people because I know they give so much life to me. And that one bad experience shouldn’t ruin my trust with others.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read.

As always,

Arigatou.

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Can Too Much Anticipation Kill?

I cannot wait for my application to be done with. I just got the tracking number to track my application just the other day, and I’ve been checking on it since then. I know it doesn’t make sense to worry and write things about this, but I am freaking out. I am sick, like literally, and all I could think about is if I’m approved or not. It’s been close to a month since I last worked out, which was crazy because I have been leaning more into meat and rice for the last couple of days. I’m not that worried yet about my weight, but I’m concerned a little bit about my health. I need to move and exercise more. But right now, I’m sick and exerting more effort won’t do any good for my body.

So I busy myself with cleaning my room, organizing my stuff, writing in my journal, revamping my blog and watching a bunch of tutorials. I should really start making that video on our La Union trip, but I just don’t get that inspiration yet. All of the videos I made were made out of sheer inspiration if that makes sense. I don’t like ‘trying’ to make a video. I do it when I want to and I feel like doing it. I don’t do it for the sake just to have a video coming out of a trip.

I think there are things that I wanted to share and do right now, but something is holding me back. And that’s the fear of not being able to get a student permit. I kinda feel everything is put on hold before the decision and that I could only resume my normal life once it has been decided.

If you’ve been reading my previous posts about me having that inner peace, well that’s not true anymore. HAHAHA. Who am I kidding? I’m not at peace, yo! I can’t even do the one thing that I’m good at and that’s sleeping early. Now, I can’t do that. 12 am is usually when drowsiness hits me and that’s not even good for my low blood pressure. Anyhow, I still have a month to wait. AND THIS IS KILLING ME, YOU THINK?!

xoxo,

glaire 😦

Lightroom Preset Giveaway

I get questions on how I edit my pictures. I used to edit using VSCO but sometimes, it’s not just enough. So I switched to using Adobe Photoshop Lightroom Classic. LR Presets are installable photo effects or filters that can quickly improve mood and color of a photo with just a click. You need to have the desktop version for it to use or you can get it here.

Since you know how much I love, love you guys, I decided to share some Lightroom Presets that I’ve made. I hope you like them and tell me what you think about it. If you like some more, I could make a bundle pack. And I’ll let you guys know.

I’ll try to add a few more presets now and then, so try to check from time to time. And you should be set by following this instructions on importing and using the presets!

Urban Japan Preset 

two (2) presets available: Day Version and Night Version

Japan Presets, these two presets gives a traditional look for your every outtakes. The UJ day preset gives your picture a green hue which complements the green surroundings of the country or any Southeast Asian countries. On the other hand, the UJ night preset gives that comic vibe reflecting on colorful street signage. I made two versions just because the settings are different depending on the time of the day.  Although, inspired by Japan, this can be widely used in any other photos from around the world! 

 

Click images to download:

                                                                                                          

And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram!

 

 

02.13.2018

Bonjour, ça va?

Today, today, today, today. Today, I opened the store and mom took the day off. I had a rough morning, to begin with! I ended up messing the computer server, so I had no choice but to call and ask for my mom’s help. I was losing it very much. Do you ever have times when everything just goes wrong and you’re not even lifting a finger to cause anything at all? Like the disaster just comes to you. I just had my freaking period, what could have been triggering me? And I’m eating a lot too, more than my usual.

A friend today even provoke the crap out of me and bitch I played it cool. I wouldn’t stoop lower just for you. On the other side of this thing, I’m actually glad I’m finally mad at this person. Like you know what? I’ve had enough of your bullshit. The magic is gone and I’m not about to make you make me feel any lesser now.

On a lighter note, the medical clinic I had been exchanging emails about my medical status had finally submitted my application to the embassy. I can’t believe it. This was what I had been hoping and waiting for, for the last 6 months, and now it has been done. Thank you, self, for being strong and believing in your own capability that you can go through it. And we did. I did it. Now, the only thing to wait for is the decision for my student permit. I have not been wanting to write something about my anticipation for the visa decision because I felt like in some ways, I was going to jinx it, but fuck it. I have been also researching about my future stay in Canada like my place to stay, part-time jobs, activities to do, and some basic stuff. But at the same time, this feels a little scary doing this because I’ve been on this road before. I had done my research and whatnot, only to be crushed by the news that I was sick. And so, as I am in this road again, I always, always begin with telling myself that if, for some reason, things could go wrong again, I should be mentally and emotionally be prepared about it.

You see, most of the time, in most things in life, it’s not a straight path at all. Most times, it’s a struggle between being an optimist and a realist. You can’t just stay positive and not think about all the possible negative outcomes that could happen. Likewise, you can’t just be dreading and hoping for the worst because the way of thoughts and the way of actions are two intertwined things in this universe. And so right now, I am all over the places. I see now that that’s probably the reason why I’m a walking ticking bomb lately. This is that final point where I know that either of two things in my life is about to happen. Either I chase my dream to Canada and have the life I want or I stay and make it work here. And I am not going to lie that as much as I stay positive and all that shit, I do think about the idea of not getting a yes on a student permit. Of course, I think about that all the time. I even get nights now where my late-night thoughts are consumed by this horrible possibility. It’s scaring the fuck out of me, okay? Forgive me for the outburst of profanities here.

On a much much happy note, today is my baby brother’s birthday! 🙂 He just turned 15, but he looks so grown up now. What is it with young kids looking and acting so mature at a young age? When I was at his age, I was proudly showing my flabs to my friends. But kids these days, they make out the majority of every gym spaces right now. I can’t even. Or I’m just getting old and starting to be one of those old people who constantly compare themselves to younger generations like, ugh kids these days don’t even talk in person but just plant their faces on their phones. Lol. But I am a proud ate with my siblings. They are the kinds of kids parents are praying for to have. So I will be closing the store early because we’ll be having a small family dinner.

This is a lengthy post now, I know. But on my defense, this is to make up for the days when I have such intense thoughts that I couldn’t even write what those are about. I just wanted to say more about how I’m hoping, really hoping for the best for me. And that is to get my student permit. I don’t want to let this opportunity pass and regret it for the rest of my life. It’s just that now that I am 22—the average age of a graduate student—I wanted to be able to start and focus on things, career-wise. And yes, it’s starting to dawn on me that I’m an adult now, that I have to be responsible for my own and start to take care of other people too. I’m glad that I have these options to choose from like having to study abroad and not be forced to work and be financially responsible for my family. For this, I am eternally blessed in more ways I could ever imagine. I pray that whatever the future holds, there would be guidance to walk me through this life.

Finally, I won’t be posting for another week or so. I will be celebrating this coming long weekend with my friends at La Union for 3 days. Should be one hella weekend. But I mean, it’s totally going to be a wholesome weekend getaway for me, since I’m not up for some wild nights. I don’t even drink anymore. I’m afraid I won’t really keep up with people having fun if I’m sober, so I definitely arranged my budget on food twice as high than I normally would because I would have to busy myself eating than be drinking mojitos.

Wow, you’ve made it this far?! Kudos to you. Thank you so much for reading my lengthy blog post. Leave a comment down below on what your plans for the upcoming long weekend or just about anything at all. I’d like to get to know my readers better. And I don’t bite. *wink*

salut à mes lecteurs

Glaire

01.29.12

Kind of hard to find some inspiration to write these days. I always get that short span of the excitement of wanting to write something then ends up losing interest in a few sentences. But tonight, I think I could hold up to say a few things.

I’m finally done with meds. Thank you. 🙂 Just thinking about it makes me smile so freaking much. I’ll be having my last doctor’s appointment in a week. Hopefully, it’ll be a positive last check-up. Or else, it’ll tear me to pieces for real. Anyway, we’ll see, okay? No need to worry about something I don’t control.

This morning, I was about to start working when I saw my name at the top of the page. Your girl is on the top list, TOP 1. Hahaha. Who would have thought?! Certainly, not me. In fact, I was kind of worried before the cut off since I know I didn’t get the quota for the bonus and thought it was such a waste. But alas, I made it to the top even. It’s funny and amazing at the same time. Hihi.

What else…

Oh right. A few days left for the first month of 2018. Wow, right? Glad I was invited by my friends to go out of the town for a few days for the coming month. so at least there’d be a change of view for a while. I’m just quite worried I might not have that much fun and I might be such a downer for them, you know what I mean? I just got out of meds and basically, I can’t have too much fun yet and I don’t think I’m ready to jump into my old habits just yet. But I tried to ignore those nudging thoughts when I said yes to them, I know I need this to get past this phase. Besides, what could go wrong with a little out of town, right?

Also, quite a bit sad but I’m overall fine. I think it’s perfectly normal to be sad sometimes, just to acknowledge that everything doesn’t always have to work out the way you always wanted it to be and to still be grateful for that. I just…I don’t know. You know how things led to something that consequently made you think of something or someone? Yup, you get me. I guess, I just thought of the people that used to be part of my life, how easy and happy it was, how I never thought it was possible for me to say goodbye to them for good. Maybe not necessarily for good, but like it could never be as good as before. You know what I mean? I know I’ll move on. I always do. We always do. Just that at this moment, being sad sometimes is the only way to relive the memories and maybe think about where I went wrong and maybe help me reevaluate myself. This kind of moments will always be part of me until I’m not thinking about it anymore. Until it becomes one of those long lost childhood memories that you came to faintly remember 15 years later and you’ll be like oh yeah, I think that happened.

glaire

Long Thoughts on a Long Night

Ah. Tonight’s going to be a long night again. I’m traveling to Manila by car tonight for my monthly medicine refill. I’m with my baby sis. She’s eagerly seated beside me and I bet she’s feeling some kind of independency right now. She just challenged me to stay awake throughout the whole journey. Saying she doesn’t need sleep. Annoying but cute. I’m on my usual position seated just behind the driver’s seat. My feet extended in front of me, blanket set on my entire half, earphones plugged in my ears listening to Love by Finding Hope, pillow on my lap and scarf snaked around my neck looks like I’m all set. Perfect. Did I mention it’s raining?

I’d say this year has been all about being idle, literally and mentally. It didn’t leave me much choice. The unfortunate happenings, I mean. Although somehow, maybe I could’ve done something to be busy. But this gave way to discovering the things that are important to me. It’s like finding a hidden treasure in my life. I’m like one of those kids starring at the movie The Goonies where they went out for an adventure to find a hidden treasure. Only in my version, I’m just stationary most of the time. They have the saying with one leaving comes a better one. And something just keeps leaving in my life only to be replace by something better and even more better with the next thing that comes. Or maybe it’s just the way I perceived it. I always look for a reason to be thankful. My motto in life is one of those clichés, “Everything happens for a reason.”

10.31.17

Rainy Day On A Tuesday

😭 I love days like this.

Last day of the month of October! Time is running to fast, don’t you think so?!

Today is the start of the three non-working holiday for the celebration of All Souls and All Saints Day. There’s no other perfect way to spend the first day of this holiday with a gloomy weather. I imagine people waking up to the sound of the rain with their messy hairs and a cup of coffee in their hand. It just feels so peaceful today. I can’t describe my love for the rain.

See, I was craving for Takoyaki so I decided to bring my siblings to my favorite Takoyaki place. We drove even though it was raining cats and dogs! My brothers are headed to my dad’s place anyway, so we had to eat first and they had to drop me off again. After my craving was satisfied, I didn’t exactly plan to stay in bed and sleep the day ’cause I wanted this day to be productive sort of, so I decided to play piano and master a piece. The last piece I memorized was the song Only Hope by Mandy Moore. I remember my two brothers got interested in playing piano because of that song. Ever since, they can’t stop playing piano and now they play it better than I do. But after a while, my fingers were feeling pretty sore already so I stopped.

It is already 1pm in the afternoon and I feel like the clock is ticking so fast. Probably because I’ve been busy up until I stopped playing the piano. What to do next now? I was thinking I could redesigned my whole blog. Or I could write on my diary notebook. Or maybe just watch a movie on Netflix but that would be ruining my productive day.

Tomorrow, my family and I will be heading to my grandma’s place to celebrate the holiday. Besides, all our loved ones were buried in that place so it’s just right to be there.

It’s so nice having this kind of weather, you know! It makes me feel kinds of sentiments. Or maybe…now that I think about it, the cuddle weather has come! I wish there was someone to cuddle with. Just kidding, my Pooh bear is enough to keep me company. But yes, my favorite has finally come. The time for wearing cute sweaters, sipping coffee while reading a book, giving gifts and receiving them, gosh just thinking about all those makes me excited. I had a pretty bad Christmas last year when I just came back from the USA because of the typhoon. Hopefully this year, may I have the best one. 🙂 I’ve babbled a lot now. Rain can do that to me.

Love,

G

Word Prompt #8: Advise to Newbies

Word Prompt #8:

Advise to Newbies 

There are times when you couldn’t just share what you feel to other people, not even to your best friend. It may be something that you don’t want to share because you could be judge. But that’s where an online diary or creating a personal blog comes to help you. You can be totally anonymous and pour it all out or you could introduced yourself and be heard. It’ s something that gives you freedom to express without actually having the trouble of a direct conversation with a person. My advise to newbies? That is your page therefore you say what your hearts wants to say as long you know it doesn’t hurt anyone. Because online or not, you bear the consequences of your own words. You share whatever as long it’s something that you could live bc everyone in this planet is bound to see it. May it be personal, travel, news or even gossip blog, it’s yours to navigate however you wish.

GoodReads

There is no doubt about the amount of love I have when it comes to reading books. Mostly, I read romance, sci-fi, young-adult, chick-lit and mystery. What I usually do is I read a new genre after another—it serves as a refresher to my mind. Too much romance makes my brain dizzy, same thing with sci-fi it becomes boring if I read another one—unless it’s in series.  It’s like I have this on and off relationship with books which brings me to my confession about how I stopped reading for a year now and totally forgot about GoodReads Reading Challenge.

GoodReads is like a database for all the books out in the market. It’s like Yelp for books with reviews, quotes and whatnot. So whenever I’m running out of books to read, I go to their website and look up to some interesting read. My favorite part is the GoodReads Reading Challenge.

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So this is done yearly, the mechanics is for you to set a goal number that you think you’ll be able to read for the entire year. And whenever you finish a book, you’ll include it in your ‘read’ section. So far my best record was last 2013. I read 41 books out of my goal of 40.

 

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My worst record was last year. I can’t believe I just got 4 out of 20! I guess I really did forget everything else when I was in Chicago last year, eh? Screen Shot 2017-04-19 at 11.51.03 AM.png

But this year, I don’t have any excuses not to read so I set my goal to 10 books for 2017 challenge. I don’t want to feel overwhelmed so I’ll just have to adjust it later after I come close to my number. Good news though, as of now I have read 6 books! Not long before I adjust it to 30. Hopefully, I’ll top my best record and make it 50 this year. 🙂

 

Wish me luck!

xoxo,

G

Bday Wishes

It was Kumpi’s birthday yesterday. I honestly thought it wasn’t until next month but turned out he needed to greet himself during our conversation as a reminder. Embarrassing. So Kumpi is one of my found friends in Chicago. We had the best time or rather I had the best time whenever we’re together on weekends or whenever. He was my concert buddy during Colbie Calliat’s tour in Chicago. Even though admittedly, he was kind of like half asleep during the whole thing because he found the songs real dull. Then during one of Colbie’s dreamy songs, he just looked at me and I was like dude what and told me he’d do anything this boring if it would me make this happy. Aww. He was the one who dragged me all the way to see the great Niagara Falls. Man, it was magical—both the scenery and the fact that I was with him. We also went to New York City. He had his class nearby and I tagged along and got the chance to walked in my heels—which was kind of a bad idea in the first place— around the city that never sleeps. Anyway, this guy tops everyone I met in Chicago. He is such a responsible guy and I thank him for being sober for so many night outs that we’ve had just so he could take care of my drunken ass every time. I even remember giving him a hard time one night because I was talking non-stop and I know I was starting to get on his nerve. What can I say, I was being such a girl. I love how driven he is in his career that he inspires me to be the better version of me in some ways. I like how casual things are with us, it’s like I don’t even have to make an effort to stand out when I’m with him because he doesn’t mind those things and I also am not the kind of person to change myself just for the other person. So now, I only wish for him to finally get the job and stability that he has so long been working for. I wish that I could have him as a friend for as long as it’s possible. Someday, I hope our paths will cross again because you know…you haven’t even tried eating balot. I know how badly you want to try it. Don’t worry! You’ll have your chance, Meanie.

Love,

Fats

I’ve Been Told I’m A Good Girl

What does it mean when someone says you are a good person? Does it mean you are likeable? Smart? Kind? Nice? When good is being used as the generic term for almost everything that is not bad, it gets to the point that it is confusing sometimes.

Recently, I was told I was a good girl. I believe the reason for that comment was I refused to go out at night saying I have a curfew so the only time I can go out is during daytime. After that comment, it got me thinking how is it true that I’m such a good girl? How was I a good girl? Did I somehow pass that person’s certain criteria as “good”, or what? But most of all, why am I even doubting that remark in the first place? Is it probably because I reject the notion that I am a good girl, after all? 😂 I’m not sure where this is leading but those are some intriguing ideas that I have.

Just wanted to point that I do consider myself as a good person;I share my blessings with other people;I pray;I love my family dearly. However, I am also aware of the evil side that I have. Not only to say that it is normal for every person to have, but I personally think one can only take so much shit in this world that the only outlet that one can have is to respond in such an awful comeback. It’s the honest truth and you know it. Despite the harsh reality though, I try to show heavenly kindness as much as I can with everyone else since I can never know what a person has been through for him/her to act that way. But that’s just me.

It would also depend on like what situation I am in. I know that there are circumstances that bring out the evil side in me and during that time is when my patience is really tested. So yeah, I’m pretty much like everyone else. Sometimes, dressed up as an angel but probably most of the time, more comfortable playing Satan’s role.

Generally, it’s so easy to just identify someone as good. Good being such a basic word nowadays that we tend to look or ask for more when we are given this as an answer. What do you mean good? Is she pretty? Boring? or Okay? Tell me something more! 

I guess my point is, the term good doesn’t even cover a tad bit of the description of my whole personality. For me, I find it  overused that it  is starting to sound meaningless, invalid and useless when it comes to how people respond to things. Not to be hypocrite, but I find myself using that word a lot too. Like when someone asks me how my day was, my to-go answer would be ‘good!’ if not ‘great’. How is it like that?  I can’t blame those people who use ‘good’ as a response though. They are probably not interested or lazy to come up with a more sensible word, just like me.

Ciao!

Love, G.

 

Summer Plans

I swear. I wanted to like write a meaningful post but whenever I open my WordPress blog to write something, every idea just goes out of my mind. A little update then to tell you about my recent activities…I have done my two exams which was the GRE and IELTS. Both results were good, thank goodness or else all my late night sleeps for studying(lol who am I kidding!) would have been for nothing. As soon as the results came in, I started submitting my application for schools and so far I’m still waiting for some documents to be sent for the completion of my application. While waiting though, I do busy myself by helping my dad in his business and playing ‘salimpusa’—a friendly reference to someone joining in an activity, despite not really being a full-fledged member of the groupin his company. So yeah I figured it’s better than doing nothing.

Also, what else?

*literally took a whole minute to think*

Oh, so like last month, I already booked for two vacations for this coming summer. For April, we’re going to Boracay for a week. I guess, it’s been a really long time like almost 8 years since the last time we’ve visited and I bet the algae situation there has worsened, yuck. Not to mention, the heat that we are going to experience. Sometimes, during lunch I can barely take the heat then I remember we’re going to spend a week in the beach and I am like oh my god who’s decision is it to stay there a whole week?! For the month of May, we’re spending a 10-day vacation at South Korea which during that season is Spring so the weather is just perfect, actually. All of these trip agenda were prepared by yours truly and by that I meant the airline bookings, hotels, itineraries, budgets, visa and literally everythaaaang. Despite having those in my hands, it actually makes me really thankful that I’m busy. I can’t really afford to think of any other things right now.

Summer is coming but like my body is still in winter wonderland. It’s still hibernating that diet is not in my dictionary at the moment. Honestly, even my mom and brothers are getting real conscious because of how they eat recently. I don’t know why but it’s just too hard to watch our diet. Haha it’s funny ’cause like once in a while someone will blurt out while we’re pigging out—”I can’t keep on eating, there’s barely even months before we go to a beach”. 😹 Nevertheless, we eat and eat. 🙂 Anyho, that’s all for now. Mwa!

-GLAIRE

Flashbacks. Surprise!

Something about tonight reminded me of a memory I was trying so hard to ignore. I’d still say it was one of the bittersweet things to remember.

I had a get together with my old friends today. We went to a friend’s place chitchatting and smoking hookah. It was a typical night out for us. You know, since mostly of them got jobs and their only free time is on weekends so it’s nice to catch up and hang with them from time to time. But even so, I was feeling uneasy especially when Twinnie started playing sad songs. It was not a depressed kind of melody but it was more of an Ed Sheeran kind of music. Perfectly right on the moment, one of the couples were sitting right in front of me displaying affection or whatever. Although it was a very sweet scene to look at—posing a romantic head on shoulder to each other—I tried not to get too deep about it. I guess, I couldn’t help but think about the time I was with someone doing the same thing.

On my last day at Chicago, me and this guy were quietly sitting at the airport waiting for my boarding time or whatever and like I said we were leaning our heads to each other like there was no one around us. Then suddenly, we both looked up to this woman—I think she was a flight attendant—who stopped right in front of us tilting her head and said “Are you two in love?” then waiting for no response she just resumed strolling ahead. We were both silent for a second until he said something like it took him a while to get what the woman said. I just smiled and I mean what could I say.

It was just one of those memories that make me smile whenever I think about it. It may not make sense to you as to why I find it so dearly to my heart but don’t you just have the same moments that you consider special despite no grand gestures included or making no sense whatsoever? Anyway, so the story doesn’t end there and here’s why I find it bittersweet:

We sat for couple more minutes before exchanging our final byes and hugs. Then while he was hugging me, he said I love you. No drum rolls in real life happening, people. Funny thing was, I questioned him three times before I finally understood what he was trying to say. I mean it totally took me by surprise that the guy even knew the word love forgodsake. Well…and that’s the end of the story. I don’t think I want to share the next happenings. 😜It was just pure embarrassment on my part. Although, I wondered if the lady did become a factor of why he said he love me. Was it somehow a push in the back for him to say something so forward? Anywise, I am still convinced that he regretted the second he blurted out those words to me. Maybe he was really feeling it but it was a spur of the moment and no one could really tell the true validity of that statement, right? But it was so sweet of him to say it and I just wasn’t sure of myself why I didn’t say it back. True to my doubts, we never even mentioned another thing about what happened at the airport. It wasn’t that of a big deal, after all.

Triggered memories, spontaneous recollections and sometimes horrible flashbacks could either make you want to hug or strangle somebody. It’s a conflict of both sides so better get ready anytime.

Loud Mind of Mine

My cute ass was dragged all weekday for IELTS review last week, and as if that weren’t enough, I had to speak in front of everyone every damn day. It was the speaking module week, that’s why. I just got so nervous without any warning and I usually can’t speak straight when I’m scared! I kept trying to shake off the uneasiness by thinking about funny or good memories but it was no help. Really, the more I tried the more it worsened.

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Just earlier, I asked a friend a question that resulted to a misunderstanding between us. What happened was that friend replied something stupid to my question making me feel like a fool. And now I’m hurt that’s why, I’m drawing away my attention to anything that won’t trigger my mind to remember the incident.

So today I find myself asking what is a good distraction from things I don’t want to think?

After a thought…

All I can think about is I’m crazy to assume that any diversion would work. I realize I probably just have to face it head-on and give myself a break. Well, how about just speaking freely not caring about possible mistakes or just letting myself stutter until I can finally fucking deliver it clearly? Like why worry about that friend when I know it wouldn’t be a freakin’ lost if I lose that one person? I mean just do your thing and stop worrying, self.

It makes sense, right? I can’t worry about everything all at once. There’s just so much to do and only hours in a day. Just one fucking thing at a time. If certain fate is meant to be yours, then what’s the rush? I know it is easier to say and realize all of these things than actually doing and applying it in life. But I think when you know what’s going on, you’ll actually find a way to make it right—well, at least you’ve made you’re first step to the lifeline.

SELF UPDATE 2.0.1.7

Hello!

Hmm..What’s a good topic to talk about today? How about the fact that we still don’t have electricity in our barangay for 18 days now since the typhoon? But who’s counting, right? Oh, right. I’M COUNTING THO! 😫

Well, to keep myself busy. I’ve enrolled myself to IELTS review class in my former school. So back to being student, I get up everyday and get my lazy bum to work its brain which has been difficult for me since I hate school ever since but I gotta do what I have to do so it’s been a pain the ass. Nevertheless, I’m glad I get to keep myself busy despite not having work and also learn more and improve my English LOLOLOLOL. I don’t think so hahaha blabla…Anyway, I’m just waiting around for this month to passed so that I can continue working on my application for himitsu. Hopefully, everything turns out okay for my upcoming exams. Although, I haven’t been reviewing that much, I hope I find the inspiration to work on it since the examination is just the around the corner. Regarding my plans to leave the Philippines again, there’s not much a solid plan for that yet it’s a work-in-progress atm but definitely will be back in USA or anywhere out of here again soon.