12.03.17

A quick Sunday realization…

Today I wrote on my notebook diary and it was mostly an update about what happened the last few days. I was quite surprised to have found myself saying positive thoughts of life despite the hardship that I am facing. I like the person I have become over the last months and I wouldn’t certainly be in a good place if it weren’t for the unfortunate and fortunate circumstances that contribute to where I am right now. So, I am mostly grateful for the bad things that had happened to me over the past months bc it made me stronger and realize my worth. I just feel different this time, I don’t quite know how to explain it. Just that I like this present me than the old version of me.

For my readers, have a blessed Sunday and be grateful for today.

SELF UPDATE 2.0.1.7

Hello!

Hmm..What’s a good topic to talk about today? How about the fact that we still don’t have electricity in our barangay for 18 days now since the typhoon? But who’s counting, right? Oh, right. I’M COUNTING THO! 😫

Well, to keep myself busy. I’ve enrolled myself to IELTS review class in my former school. So back to being student, I get up everyday and get my lazy bum to work its brain which has been difficult for me since I hate school ever since but I gotta do what I have to do so it’s been a pain the ass. Nevertheless, I’m glad I get to keep myself busy despite not having work and also learn more and improve my English LOLOLOLOL. I don’t think so hahaha blabla…Anyway, I’m just waiting around for this month to passed so that I can continue working on my application for himitsu. Hopefully, everything turns out okay for my upcoming exams. Although, I haven’t been reviewing that much, I hope I find the inspiration to work on it since the examination is just the around the corner. Regarding my plans to leave the Philippines again, there’s not much a solid plan for that yet it’s a work-in-progress atm but definitely will be back in USA or anywhere out of here again soon.

 

What Is Going On? 

Pretending so much to be happy when I’m rotting on the inside. I don’t know what it is that I’m still asking for. I mean I already heard the good news and that alone should make me jump and scream of happiness. But no, instead I feel down. Maybe this is what they call graduation jitters. I’m scared for what’s ahead of me. I don’t see myself doing good in my life. I feel blank like uncertainty of what future holds.

Honestly though, I think I know the reason why I’m miserable at the moment. I just don’t want to admit it. But I’m fine, so much fine. So much that I could cry at any moment. I actually think there’s a lump stuck in my throat. I could be walking down the street and shed tears without any warning. I could be looking at the mirror smiling and crying at the same time yet no one will ever know it’s not tears of joy. I could look like I’m paying attention but I’m actually spacing out. Does that even sound like fine to anyone? 😂 I’m going cray! 

I don’t want to be locked up in the house. My room isn’t exactly a therapeutic place either. I have dark orange curtains and a speaker that blares suicidal music so yeah it’s not helping. And I can’t go out at night just whenever and wherever I want. I’m not exactly a free bird. I mean I can be if I want to but the last time I did it, it was for someone and you know when someone doesn’t appreciate the risks that you do so you just stop bc you’re just human and it’s not like you’re asking something in return but a little love would be appreciated. But oh well, I’m done risking for a while. 😊

This is getting out of hand. 

I wish to disappear. 

Good night. 

Just Got Home

Hello! I’m starting to get really worried about my life here. I can’t seem to have a proper sleep every night. And all throughout the day, I resembled like a living zombie. Even now, as I’m typing this my eyes are starting to droop downwards and the weariness is now creeping inside me.  But I have to finish some things and yeah okay you may be wondering why I’m still here wasting my time instead of doing it na. I just get that feeling sometimes, you know, it makes me feel better after I’ve let my thoughts out. Even if it’s just a little comfort. 😉 So anyway, today I had my three exams seven more to go. Hell yeah! Tomorrow another one and another for the next couple of days, I’ll be out of everyone’s way and be busy with requirements and stuff. I’m just hoping for everyone to pass this semester and be over with this. 

My eyeeees are starting to get really really…sorry cant think of anythingxto say dnow. Night*YAAAAAWN* that was the biggest yawn of my life. 

Just Droppin By!

Hello everyone! How’s life? Must be crazy, huh. Anyway, you guys must be lonely without me spewing words here and there! 😁 I know I’ve been gone far too long than necessary. But hey, I’m living a life!

So about me…Some quick update with my life. A month before my graduation and hopefully I’ll be able to join this coming March. A week before my Finals and tada I’m done with studying. Basically, my life is hell at the moment and I’m close to lose my shit. I am under pressure with my acads with all the requirements and stuff to finish before due. I’m just holding to that thought ‘konting kembot nalang’ and it will all be over. 😌 Hopefully, I get to join grad this March or else I don’t know, I might seriously breakdown if I don’t make it. Will update soon! Promise! 😘

Where Rainbows End (Love, Rosie)

My first read this 2015. Where Rainbows End by Cecilia Ahern. I totally enjoyed reading it. Like seriously in love with them Rosie and Alex. The first time I read it was when I was about to sleep and I felt so torn and connected with the Rosie I could not sleep pondering about it. I don’t know why but it felt like I was Rosie and it’s my life laid out in there and there I was reading it openly. It’s like a warning and a preview of what will become of me. I love it. Really liked the book I can’t stop complimenting. Sorry! It’s just that I haven’t read this kind of good book in a long time. 😭

Here’s one of my favorite lines that Rosie said:

Life is funny isn’t it? Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about something, and feel like you know what direction you’re heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west, and you’re lost. It is so easy to lose your way, to lose direction. And that’s with following all the signposts

Totes recommending this book! There’s a movie adaptation to this book titled “Love, Rosie”. But first! Read it! ☺️

AUGUST FIRST

So much happenings this first day of the month. What a way to start August! Not to mention, this month would probably the suckiest month of the first semester. No holidays or activities whatsoever and that means no time for vacay!

So here’s what happened this day. First thing, my uncle died yesterday (Okay so not really a happening that happened for today but bitch please ✋). Second, my baby sister got hospitalized last night due to a high fever. It always happen when her birthday’s coming. Poor cute little thing has to experience it for the second time now. Third, tomorrow’s my midterms exam on my two major subjects and I haven’t even opened my notes! Fourth, my dad got drunk way faster than I did(Not a bad thing but whatever). And lastly, it’s 11:13pm (ohmy, missed 11:11 😦 ) and I’m still wide awake. Everyone’s asleep now. Worst case is I haven’t studied for my exams tomorrow. Good luck to me!

Tomorrow’s another day! Carry on, bitches.