Before And After Me

I used to love going out like A LOT. Β And by that I meant drinking til I’m passed out drunk, going home past 12am, doing hella crazy stuff or YOLO for short. People who know me back in college can easily pinpoint me as one of those gals who is down for anything crazy and illegal. I don’t do drugs or anything major like that but more subtle things like drunk driving or anything alcohol-involved. I wasn’t always like that though…

Back before I became so open-minded and liberal-kinda, I was this geek girl who was a KPOP, JPOP, Kdrama, Jdrama, anything international-language-that-you-can’t-even-pronounce drama fan. I was this student who participated in Sudoko challenges in school. I even joined the Rubik’s cube challenge back in college with no friends to support me because my interests were too odd for them. I lost in round one though, but it didn’t matter because I felt fulfilled trying my best. I WAS THAT SIMPLE GIRL. Literally. I remember in my first year of college, I only had four or five t-shirts and two pairs of pants to wear at school. Everything I had was oversized shirts except for this one blue- striped blouse that I bought before school started. I was wearing it every week it became impossible for every single one of my block mates to have missed. How’d I know? A few years later, one of them confessed she could still draw that blouse by heart. See? I was this home-to-school school-to-home girl. But then life got in the way and decided to revamped my life. I started hanging out after class more. I learned how to wear skinny jeans. I got conscious and decided that three cups of rice per meal was more than a mortal sin. Although, I allowed it on my menstrual periods because damn girl give me some slack! Thinking about it now, I did became another person. I didn’t realize it back then because I was too preoccupied with the changes happening to me. My mom got pretty upset of what was happening and then the confused little girl inside me threw a tantrum and did bad things. You know, usual stories about good girl gone bad.

When it became too much, I begged my mom to get me out of the country. I was then in the U.S. for a year. Got what I finally wanted and learned to love myself again. I found myself beginning to return to who I was before. Even though, I couldn’t be the perfect replica of my older version I can say I have improved a lot for the better. Despite all of the hardship, I am very thankful for the lessons and experiences. I wouldn’t be me now if it weren’t for those.

But then, I came home late last year and got pretty depressed for a couple of months. Maybe because reality hit me again. My indecisive self could not keep up with things. Nowadays, I don’t hang out with my friends because I feel like I’m lagging behind them. I feel we have this friendship gap probably because I was absent for a year or I’m not in the same stage as them anymore. Also, the usual family dramas keeps on hunting me everyday. It’s sad and it did get into me. I almost fell into my bad habits. Almost. Instead, I chose the path that I didn’t choose before. I dealt it with positivity. I very much thank God because every single time that I almost did something bad, something will happen that won’t made me do it. It wasn’t just once but many times. It’s as if a sign from the universe not to give in to temptations. And I’m very thankful for that. Thankful for the never ending support and guidance from my family and God.

Now, I feel better than I have felt in years. Not just temporary happiness that you feel when you bought a new toy and the next day you’re like meh but that peace you know is lingering inside you no matter what stroke of bad luck you may encounter. I know this may not last. Nothing is. But for now, I am choosing to embrace this and be better as long as I can. Who knows? I may be eating my words in a few months but for now I am just really happy I got to have the chance to feel light and at peace again.

Xoxo,

G

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Serene Night

Serene night? πŸ˜‚ More of like freeze-to-death night. Haha here’s what I’m talking about:

9-ish pm

On our way home from a road trip(2 hour travel time), I decided to ride in the back of the pickup car. I mean I’ve always wanted to do it you know. It’s actually one in my bucketlists so I just crossed off another thing! Yay to that. So going back, I was only wearing short shorts and tee shirt no jacket whatsoever but I didn’t care and still gave it a go. I plugged in my music and enjoyed the trip.

30 mins after…

I’m loving the night sky! It’s full moon and the sky so lit up. And the wind daamn cool.

1 hour after…

Uhmm. Wait…the cold’s starting to creep up my skin. I think a blanket or whatver clothing would be much appreciated at the moment please. It’s starting to get cold!

1 1/2 hour after…
Holy shit I’m numb. I can’t feel my hands anymore! πŸ˜‚ Good thing we had a stop over. My mom bought a coffee cause she was starting to get sleepy. Told her I wanted a black coffee too but it’s not available so…

At the moment…
I’m still cold af. πŸ˜‚ I didnt go inside the car though. I can’t give up now I’m finishing this battle bitches. Besides! I’m kinda used to this kind of situation anyway and I totally love it. 30 mins to go before home. It’s 10:15 now and fingers are numb. How in the world can I still type these words is beyond my comprehension. πŸ˜… I see we’re entering the city now, more cars and lights to see but no more trees and creepy shadows! I still like it more when in suburban. Damn I just wish this journey would be forever.

Time’s up. Finally home.

βœ–οΈβœ–οΈβœ–οΈ

Ohmygosh! I can’t believe this day! Couldn’t I be more miserable?!

β€’ Left my school ID and CALCULATOR
Had to passed the other gate because I left my ID. Damn it why did change my school bag again for the nth time and now look what happened! Not to mention I was getting late for my scheduled exam. Once I enter the premises, I was stopped by two guards and asked for my concern. Told them that I lost my ID. πŸ˜‰ Take note that I’ve done this many times so at that point I was just like okay I’ve got this. But then when the guards asked for my permit that’s when I realized I left it with my calculator! My permit was slipped inside my calcu so that means no calculator for my major exam for this day. What a luck! I must have been dozing off when God showered his share of luck cause what happened next was beyond my imagination! I have never been questioned by any student official not to mention OSA! 😱 To my dismay, the guards call for the office of students affair and they let them handle my case. I got to talk to an officer and I was asked for my student information, reason why I left my ID blah blah shit. And I can’t believe the lady I talked to, she was suspicious ’cause I told her I have a subject like this and that today was my scheduled exam for it and she went blabbering that that particular subject was a Monday subject so why would I take the exam on a Thursday. AND I WAS LIKE AREN’T YOU AWARE OF THE DEPARTMENTAL EXAM YOU FUCKIN’ IDIOT YOU’RE A FREAKIN OFFICIAL WHY ARE YOU MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF. But then again, angelic as I am, explained that today was the scheduled departmental exam and then she was hesitant for a moment like she didn’t believe a word I said. That bitch! Finally she told me that I have to visit the office to ‘confirmed’ my lost ID. Fuck you. I ain’t going nowhere near that office I was fuckin’ late in my exam so I hurriedly went straight for my classroom and hooray I got in just in time. The only problem was I had no calculator and almost half of the question given was all computationsπŸ”«. Retake next sem = summer grad. πŸ”«βœ–οΈ1⃣0⃣0⃣

β€’ Jeep Incident + Traffic
Okay, so you probably think I should have gone early to avoid traffic, right? Am I right?! I knew it that was what you were thinking. Anyway, *hands up* it’s not a bit of my fault! The jeep suddenly just jerked forward and I mean HARD! And then all hell broke loose. Next thing I knew, people were pushing the vehicle until the jeep jerks forward again. And I mean this time a STRONG kind of jerking! Good thing my reflexes are fast. πŸ™Š Kidding, but I survived! That counts.

β€’UTI
Need I say more πŸ˜‚

β€’On my way home
Just when I thought my night was in peace, I tripped on my way home. Ouch! That sensitive part of the leg again!!! 😑 And hooray I was really trying to hold my patience cause in just a few minutes I’d be home but then! I don’t know what’s with this day… The world seems to be conspiring against me. The. Guy. I’ve. Been. Avoiding…was in the same ride with me. I couldn’t hold to just ignore him ’cause he’d be suspicious so I said hi first and immediately put my earphones back before he could start to chitchat me. The ride couldn’t get any faster! It was really awkward and much to my stupidity, I took off the ride and noticed the place was all too unfamiliar. Figures I took off to the wrong street. Smartass.

To my surprise, my favorite uncle in the whoooole universe dropped by with her wife and cute little baby. Also, tonight’s dinner was awesome! None other than my favorite Adobo! πŸ˜€ I guess this day isn’t bad after all. At the end of the day, I got to see my adorbable sister, my caring lola and my mom. I’m grateful enough not to mind those small matters! And hey, I only got one last exam for this semester then I’m done! 😌 Sem break here I come! πŸ˜” Ughh… Why does my heart all of a sudden feel weird. Guess it’s gonna miss someone over the vacation. πŸ’ Let’s not fret about it!

😘😘😘😘

slowly drifting wave after wave

AUGUST FIRST

So much happenings this first day of the month. What a way to start August! Not to mention, this month would probably the suckiest month of the first semester. No holidays or activities whatsoever and that means no time for vacay!

So here’s what happened this day. First thing, my uncle died yesterday (Okay so not really a happening that happened for today but bitch please βœ‹). Second, my baby sister got hospitalized last night due to a high fever. It always happen when her birthday’s coming. Poor cute little thing has to experience it for the second time now. Third, tomorrow’s my midterms exam on my two major subjects and I haven’t even opened my notes! Fourth, my dad got drunk way faster than I did(Not a bad thing but whatever). And lastly, it’s 11:13pm (ohmy, missed 11:11 😦 ) and I’m still wide awake. Everyone’s asleep now. Worst case is I haven’t studied for my exams tomorrow. Good luck to me!

Tomorrow’s another day! Carry on, bitches.

Hangover Overload

Can’t get over the fact that things aren’t doing well ya know. Or maybe not that it’s not doing well. It’s just that things have their endings. And there are things that might have ended for me and that’s just sad. Or maybe it’s just a plain hangover!

I’m not totally gonna be specific here so Ima use the word ‘thing’ on this whole shit. Whatever. Okay so, thing one. I know I DID handle it right. Just that when I’m kinda used to having it around me and you know there came a point when I totally want to say ‘the words’. But that thing just suddenly broke things off. I mean I know I don’t make sense right now but IDGAF. And so you know, even tho I told myself it’s gonna be okay. I still gave it a chance and waited for it to be fixed. I gave it a day. Waited for it and I even told myself I’m ready to give my best you know. I mean I did give my best for that thing. And I’m willing then to give more than what I think was my best. But nothing happened so I decided to end it at night. And at that point, was the end of any possibilities. But then I found myself with it again the next day. I wanted to know its condition so I checked up on it. Found out it’s doing more than fine. Found out there were scrapes underneath it tho. Why hadn’t I noticed it before? Idk. Must have covered it pretty well during those times. 😏 Smh. I told you, no promises. Fu. Loyal my ass. You hurt me right but you do it nice, eh.

Thing two!
Day two since that happened. Best thing. πŸ˜€ I’m trying to forget it now. Too much is bad for my system ya know. :)))

Thing threeee in relation with thing two. Ermm, let’s not ever forget about it, ayt?

This Is New

Oops. Late post this one.

I’ve got news to tell. A good one! I.Forgot.About.His.Birthday.

It may be a wonder to you which I think it really is. You see, there’s this guy that I liked a long long time ago and even though it didn’t work out for both of us, I still think of him occasionally. Not because I still have feelings for him, goodness gracious no. I never had that much feelings to begin with anyway. It’s just that I learned a lot from him and you know he’s been my friend too. So whenever his birthday is coming, my mind automatically starts to count down. Bwahaha! But just this year, I forgot his birthday!!! Alleluiah! That could mean something…that I was totally over him. I mean I was over him a long long time ago but you get what I mean like TOTALLY NADA.

*sigh

Originally, my plan was to blog all night. I’ve got loads of things to say and share. But as for my post earlier, you must have known I’m pissed and I still am. 😦

T.O.D.A.Y

What was I thinking?! Saturday is always a non-uniform day. Instead, went to school today wearing uniform.

Damn. I was walking my way confidently until my eyes swept to the groups of student crossing my path and I was like ‘Uhuh. They are wearing civilian. What’s up with them?’ and clueless as I was, just marched past them. Just when the weird vibes was getting off me and I’m about to climb the stairs, I saw my two friends and surprisingly they were also wearing civilian. And that’s the only time I realized that I was the weird one. But I thought today was Friday! Come on!

I was dumbfounded and I had no choice but to go on with my life and trudged towards my classroom. Good thing tho, there’s my father. I let him get my pants, a t-shirt and sandals. πŸ˜‰

Dang! After that, my embarrassing moment was done. Poof. πŸ™‚ Next thing I knew, I was in a restaurant with my friends eating sushi. Again. Anyway, god help me my friends were on chatting mode again! All of them were either Omegle-ing or Chatous-ing. What a word. Pfft. πŸ™‚ Funny thing happened, my best friend asked for a pic to the guy he’s been chatting with and she received a picture of the guy’s Ding Dong. Eck. Some horny sonofawhore. My bestie swore never to use Chatous again. Oh promises, promises. πŸ˜‰

Went home with a smile on my face but ended up scowling because of my brother. He spilled my secret to dad. Traitor. Now I’m not talking to him.

One helluva day. Hope y’all have had good day too.