Yesterday was one of those days when I usually wake up late, work out and binge watch movies. So I decided to hit up my friends invite them for dinner or late night coffee. It was kind of spontaneous and I’m glad we were complete last night. We went to a restaurant where there was a nice view of the surroundings, chatted up a bit self update and a little more girl gossips. Last night was a very familiar and homey feeling with the girls. I hope to do more of these.
Rainy Day On A Tuesday
😭 I love days like this.
Last day of the month of October! Time is running to fast, don’t you think so?!
Today is the start of the three non-working holiday for the celebration of All Souls and All Saints Day. There’s no other perfect way to spend the first day of this holiday with a gloomy weather. I imagine people waking up to the sound of the rain with their messy hairs and a cup of coffee in their hand. It just feels so peaceful today. I can’t describe my love for the rain.
See, I was craving for Takoyaki so I decided to bring my siblings to my favorite Takoyaki place. We drove even though it was raining cats and dogs! My brothers are headed to my dad’s place anyway, so we had to eat first and they had to drop me off again. After my craving was satisfied, I didn’t exactly plan to stay in bed and sleep the day ’cause I wanted this day to be productive sort of, so I decided to play piano and master a piece. The last piece I memorized was the song Only Hope by Mandy Moore. I remember my two brothers got interested in playing piano because of that song. Ever since, they can’t stop playing piano and now they play it better than I do. But after a while, my fingers were feeling pretty sore already so I stopped.
It is already 1pm in the afternoon and I feel like the clock is ticking so fast. Probably because I’ve been busy up until I stopped playing the piano. What to do next now? I was thinking I could redesigned my whole blog. Or I could write on my diary notebook. Or maybe just watch a movie on Netflix but that would be ruining my productive day.
Tomorrow, my family and I will be heading to my grandma’s place to celebrate the holiday. Besides, all our loved ones were buried in that place so it’s just right to be there.
It’s so nice having this kind of weather, you know! It makes me feel kinds of sentiments. Or maybe…now that I think about it, the cuddle weather has come! I wish there was someone to cuddle with. Just kidding, my Pooh bear is enough to keep me company. But yes, my favorite has finally come. The time for wearing cute sweaters, sipping coffee while reading a book, giving gifts and receiving them, gosh just thinking about all those makes me excited. I had a pretty bad Christmas last year when I just came back from the USA because of the typhoon. Hopefully this year, may I have the best one. 🙂 I’ve babbled a lot now. Rain can do that to me.
In life, it’s seldom we found someone who gets us. Someone who we instantly love the moment we meet them. It’s such a rare occasion that when that certain person comes, we grab them and make sure they feel safe and loved. In most cases, people expect this to advance into some kind of romantic intimacy—which is ridiculous, really. On the other hand, it may lead to a long-life friendship. So let me throw a question, if you meet someone who really gets your vibe and interests in life, what kind of relationship would your inner-self choose to have with that someone—as a friend or a lover? It’s a tricky question, I know. The answer gets complicated the more you think about it. Ha.
My answer? I always go for friendship. But isn’t that always the case or mostly how it is for everyone? I mean, doesn’t a relationship begins at something before being lovers? And there’s nothing quite like how we, Millennials, deal with being in a ‘relationship’. There are even the so-called stages of relationship amongst 20-somethings that start out as being friends > talking stage > friends with benefits > hooking up > dating > exclusivity/to being lover. It’s one hella ride for young people to be in love, nowadays. No wonder Millennials are tagged to be the worst generation and no doubt about how older generations are laughing at us right now.
Having a fair share of my being part of the Millennial generation, I’ve experienced this roller coaster ride of being in a relationship myself. The one thing I can say is it’s just not for me. I might have done it wrong but I’ve had enough for now. I’ll choose friendship over love not because it will be the safe choice but because I’ve been there done thatrelationship thing and now I know better than to risk any good friendship with love. I’m not saying I’m all closed door for finding love but it’s not something that I am expecting to come in my life anytime soon. Setting my mind to that note, it keeps me from jumping to conclusions and expecting to find love in every guy that I meet. At the same time, without the expectations of any kind, it lets me create a deeper connection with someone I truly find interesting. It’s like I don’t have to worry about being the perfect girl because who’s judging, right? 🙂 No one but a good friend of mine.
Lovers just take it to different level, you know? Sure, there’s no doubt about how colorful our lives when they are there. No one can actually make us feel the same way that they do to us. It’s magical and how we wish it would never end. But have you had any relationship with someone that it ended badly, but then you realize you were so good together as friends than lovers, that you wish you could turn back time and just be friends instead? It’s a shame, isn’t it? Makes you regret just enough to wish for things to go back to the way you were as friends. That’s why I’ll always choose friendship over love.
Some people ask me what if you could have found your true happiness with that someone, but you settled as friends so you ended up throwing away the one shot deal? Honestly, I’m not worried. I’ve never been worried about missing my chances at being happy with someone because I know it’s not something that I could never find in myself. I produce my own sunshine and happiness. We all do! It’s on me to share it to other people. I never needed someone to make me feel whole because I am complete whether someone is holding my hand or not.
So what I need is a friend who knows me well, who’ll understand my tantrums and deal with it. Someone I can laugh with and share my stories with. A friend who I can talk whatever with no boundaries whatsoever. A friend who can be my plus one in parties and get drunk with. One who’ll ask me to a slow dance even with a pop music playing. A guy my parents can be comfortable with. Just someone who gets me. I have always believed that two opposite genders can have a platonic relationship. Being anything more than friends is just another label. What matters is the strong foundation and relationship I have with that person. If it turns out that my best friend is the one, wouldn’t that be great?! But if not, a best friend for life is not a loss love at all.
Choose carefully. And learn to love yourself.
My cute ass was dragged all weekday for IELTS review last week, and as if that weren’t enough, I had to speak in front of everyone every damn day. It was the speaking module week, that’s why. I just got so nervous without any warning and I usually can’t speak straight when I’m scared! I kept trying to shake off the uneasiness by thinking about funny or good memories but it was no help. Really, the more I tried the more it worsened.
Just earlier, I asked a friend a question that resulted to a misunderstanding between us. What happened was that friend replied something stupid to my question making me feel like a fool. And now I’m hurt that’s why, I’m drawing away my attention to anything that won’t trigger my mind to remember the incident.
So today I find myself asking what is a good distraction from things I don’t want to think?
After a thought…
All I can think about is I’m crazy to assume that any diversion would work. I realize I probably just have to face it head-on and give myself a break. Well, how about just speaking freely not caring about possible mistakes or just letting myself stutter until I can finally fucking deliver it clearly? Like why worry about that friend when I know it wouldn’t be a freakin’ lost if I lose that one person? I mean just do your thing and stop worrying, self.
It makes sense, right? I can’t worry about everything all at once. There’s just so much to do and only hours in a day. Just one fucking thing at a time. If certain fate is meant to be yours, then what’s the rush? I know it is easier to say and realize all of these things than actually doing and applying it in life. But I think when you know what’s going on, you’ll actually find a way to make it right—well, at least you’ve made you’re first step to the lifeline.
What is one thing that you cannot overlook to a person or to a guy in particular? Because there could just be one quality in a person that could totally put off your interest in them. Like for example, guys with big egos is a big big no for me.
Tho what I’m gonna share is nothing in reference with Dating Deal Breakers or something romantic, it’s just one of the things I hate about in a guy.
Why am I suddenly talking about deal breakers? 🙂 ‘Cause I just had an encounter with one of my guy friend and he’s totally being above the clouds. He thinks that he’s too awesome that all of us would bow down to him. Like hell we would. Just because I’m being nice doesn’t mean I tolerate his cockiness. 🙂 I’m just being nice, that’s all. Tho I’m not sure if he knows what’s going on behind the scenes. My friends think that he’s too full of himself and they’re like being nice to him just for old times’ sake.
I know I might seem hypocrite but I’ve never told this to anyone and the reason I’m writing about this now is because he had done an indefensible act. I can’t tell you what it really was but it was something that really pushed me to the limit. I was blown away so bad, I didn’t have enough time to react properly to his remark and all I manage was to laugh it out. And luckily, he never saw the shock through my reaction so he just went on and on. What a prick. So I’ve managed to completely change the way I think about him now.
Shut it down. Deal Breaker.
I’ve been wanting to tell this to my friend. That I am in friend-love with him. But I’ve lost my chance not too long ago. Things kind of got weird between us and I don’t want to add more confusion to what we are already having. I guess things could never be back to normal between us.
Read this web comic by Yumi Sakugawa:
I know there aren’t perfect ones here on earth. I also couldn’t judge them for what they are. They are just being who they are. But there are times that I couldn’t help it myself you know, like I’m a lioness in need to go out of its lair to release its rage and do the roaaaar!
I wanna shout in front of their faces and tell them that they’re not just right anymore or simply maybe a two word woud do, “FUCK OFF”. That whatever thing their doing has to stop.
I do know my limits and when I don’t, I know when to say sorry. I know how to act civil, atleast that’s what I thought I am.
My point is!! I don’t know!
I’ve been really frustrated with how things are going right now. Bullshit here and there. Fights here and there. Screams here and there. Disappointments everywhere!
Why can’t I just accept that these things happen? They’re part of what’s supposed to be my LIFE. Well, maybe I’ve had enough!! Maybe it’s time, I punch LIFE and live a life. That doesn’t make sense, right? I know.
I know! Because nothing in my life make sense right now! Like what the hell am I talking about?
Just go to hell!