Chicago Diaries

Bday Wishes

It was Kumpi’s birthday yesterday. I honestly thought it wasn’t until next month but turned out he needed to greet himself during our conversation as a reminder. Embarrassing. So Kumpi is one of my found friends in Chicago. We had the best time or rather I had the best time whenever we’re together on weekends or whenever. He was my concert buddy during Colbie Calliat’s tour in Chicago. Even though admittedly, he was kind of like half asleep during the whole thing because he found the songs real dull. Then during one of Colbie’s dreamy songs, he just looked at me and I was like dude what and told me he’d do anything this boring if it would me make this happy. Aww. He was the one who dragged me all the way to see the great Niagara Falls. Man, it was magical—both the scenery and the fact that I was with him. We also went to New York City. He had his class nearby and I tagged along and got the chance to walked in my heels—which was kind of a bad idea in the first place— around the city that never sleeps. Anyway, this guy tops everyone I met in Chicago. He is such a responsible guy and I thank him for being sober for so many night outs that we’ve had just so he could take care of my drunken ass every time. I even remember giving him a hard time one night because I was talking non-stop and I know I was starting to get on his nerve. What can I say, I was being such a girl. I love how driven he is in his career that he inspires me to be the better version of me in some ways. I like how casual things are with us, it’s like I don’t even have to make an effort to stand out when I’m with him because he doesn’t mind those things and I also am not the kind of person to change myself just for the other person. So now, I only wish for him to finally get the job and stability that he has so long been working for. I wish that I could have him as a friend for as long as it’s possible. Someday, I hope our paths will cross again because you know…you haven’t even tried eating balot. I know how badly you want to try it. Don’t worry! You’ll have your chance, Meanie.

Love,

Fats

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Dislike, Experience, Friends, Love

Loud Mind of Mine

My cute ass was dragged all weekday for IELTS review last week, and as if that weren’t enough, I had to speak in front of everyone every damn day. It was the speaking module week, that’s why. I just got so nervous without any warning and I usually can’t speak straight when I’m scared! I kept trying to shake off the uneasiness by thinking about funny or good memories but it was no help. Really, the more I tried the more it worsened.

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Just earlier, I asked a friend a question that resulted to a misunderstanding between us. What happened was that friend replied something stupid to my question making me feel like a fool. And now I’m hurt that’s why, I’m drawing away my attention to anything that won’t trigger my mind to remember the incident.

So today I find myself asking what is a good distraction from things I don’t want to think?

After a thought…

All I can think about is I’m crazy to assume that any diversion would work. I realize I probably just have to face it head-on and give myself a break. Well, how about just speaking freely not caring about possible mistakes or just letting myself stutter until I can finally fucking deliver it clearly? Like why worry about that friend when I know it wouldn’t be a freakin’ lost if I lose that one person? I mean just do your thing and stop worrying, self.

It makes sense, right? I can’t worry about everything all at once. There’s just so much to do and only hours in a day. Just one fucking thing at a time. If certain fate is meant to be yours, then what’s the rush? I know it is easier to say and realize all of these things than actually doing and applying it in life. But I think when you know what’s going on, you’ll actually find a way to make it right—well, at least you’ve made you’re first step to the lifeline.

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Sem Break (:

Sembreak!!!

Oh. My. Gosh.

The worst semester is now over! Finally! Breather. Happy to get rid of my school papers. Pfft. It’s not like it’s even worth keeping. Anyway! My last exam ended this morning and right after my exam my face was like 😀 😁 Fuck this school it’s sembreak now! Haha but then again… I have subjects to retake next semester. FML.

Creative shot for tomorrow. Mixed emotions on that. I’m not sure on the whole thing though! I don’t have an idea as to what time I should be there. My clothes are…meh. But who fucking cares, right?

And then here goes one unexpected thing that just happened. One of my friends texted me her saloobin for me. And I was like ‘oh! I was kinda expecting this to happen but…’ still in the middle of night ⌛️. I was glad she told me those things ’cause tellin me upfront is better than backstabbing me. 🔪 I think we had a misunderstanding about one thing tho and I was quick to explain myself that it wasn’t the case. Im hoping things will be okay. I mean just because I’m not freting over this friendship thing doesnt mean it’s not important to me. I’m just too tired to deal with things right now. I wanna die, alright!

Holy shit. And then I stalked someone and I almost wish I hadn’t done it. It’s really better to stay quiet now and let things be. I’m fine this way. I know what I did to you but do you even know how I’m doing right now. I bet you dont even know half about it. But anyway the thing is, I did tell you this was gonna happen, right? Blame me all you want but this is just gonna be how it is. Let’s quit making it harder than it already is.

I really don’t want to end my post in that tone. SO GUYS! The Script is live in Manila on April 17, 2015 and attending one of their concerts would cross one item in my bucketlist! My heart literally cant even when I heard the fantastic news. 😁 Puhlease!!!! 11:11!!!

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Dislike

Deal Breaker

What is one thing that you cannot overlook to a person or to a guy in particular? Because there could just be one quality in a person that could totally put off your interest in them. Like for example, guys with big egos is a big big no for me.
Tho what I’m gonna share is nothing in reference with Dating Deal Breakers or something romantic, it’s just one of the things I hate about in a guy.

Why am I suddenly talking about deal breakers? 🙂 ‘Cause I just had an encounter with one of my guy friend and he’s totally being above the clouds. He thinks that he’s too awesome that all of us would bow down to him. Like hell we would. Just because I’m being nice doesn’t mean I tolerate his cockiness. 🙂 I’m just being nice, that’s all. Tho I’m not sure if he knows what’s going on behind the scenes. My friends think that he’s too full of himself and they’re like being nice to him just for old times’ sake.

I know I might seem hypocrite but I’ve never told this to anyone and the reason I’m writing about this now is because he had done an indefensible act. I can’t tell you what it really was but it was something that really pushed me to the limit. I was blown away so bad, I didn’t have enough time to react properly to his remark and all I manage was to laugh it out. And luckily, he never saw the shock through my reaction so he just went on and on. What a prick. So I’ve managed to completely change the way I think about him now.

Shut it down. Deal Breaker.

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College, Dislike

I Think I Am In Friend-Love With You

I’ve been wanting to tell this to my friend. That I am in friend-love with him. But I’ve lost my chance not too long ago. Things kind of got weird between us and I don’t want to add more confusion to what we are already having. I guess things could never be back to normal between us.

Read this web comic by Yumi Sakugawa:
http://www.sadiemagazine.com/issue-no-11/arts-letters/comic/i-think-i-am-in-friend-love-with-you

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College, Dislike, Experience, Friends

It’s Just Not Right

I know there aren’t perfect ones here on earth. I also couldn’t judge them for what they are. They are just being who they are. But there are times that I couldn’t help it myself you know, like I’m a lioness in need to go out of its lair to release its rage and do the roaaaar!

I wanna shout in front of their faces and tell them that they’re not just right anymore or simply maybe a two word woud do, “FUCK OFF”. That whatever thing their doing has to stop.

Woosaa!

I do know my limits and when I don’t, I know when to say sorry. I know how to act civil, atleast that’s what I thought I am.

My point is!! I don’t know!

I’ve been really frustrated with how things are going right now. Bullshit here and there. Fights here and there. Screams here and there. Disappointments everywhere!

Why can’t I just accept that these things happen? They’re part of what’s supposed to be my LIFE. Well, maybe I’ve had enough!! Maybe it’s time, I punch LIFE and live a life. That doesn’t make sense, right? I know.

I know! Because nothing in my life make sense right now! Like what the hell am I talking about?

Just go to hell!

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