Everyday

What I’m Going Through

Can I say sorry? I know I’ve been AWOL for quite some time now. But I swear I had tried composing a post or two this whole time, I just couldn’t bring myself to hit the publish button. I am not sure where to start actually. It feels like a lot has happened especially these past two months with regards to myself, family and friends. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and that was probably the reason why I chose to remain silent for the past several weeks. I figured it was better to take this on privately while I was still going through it. Anyway, now that I am feeling a ton better I’m finally in a mood to chitchat with you guys! 😛

This summer, I applied for school in Canada. AND I GOT INTO IT I’M SO FREAKING HAPPY YOU GUYZZZ! Okay, relax G. 😂🙄 Initially, I applied for Fall(September) 2017 but unfortunately, my chosen program was already full for Fall term so they had to accept me for the next intake(January 2018). It was a bit of a downer because I already was looking forward to so many things but most importantly I wanted to get back on the track already. Because you know, it’s been half a year and I don’t know I’m just getting antsy day by day that’s it’s driving me nuts. So yeah, I mean do I have a choice not to accept it? Hell no, girl. So I give them my BIG YES and paid for the first term.

I was halfway done—no, actually I was like two steps before super done done—with my visa requirements; FBI clearance and general medical check-up are the only major ones left to do. The first one which is the FBI was quite tricky. I wasn’t sure about my fingerprint(one of the requirements for FBI request) if it’s a verified one or not but I guess I’ll know when they mail me back or whatever. The second one which was the medical freaking general check-up. *trying to be calm as possible* This thing got me fucked up. Yo, I was diagnosed with some shit. So clearly, I have to stay put for a LONG PERIOD of time and be healthy as fuck. Girl, I ain’t no kidding when I say LOOONG PERIOD of time, they told me I can’t leave the country for another half a year. And I was like you’re kidding, right? And they were like ‘Nu-uh girl you got no choice’.

So long story short, I got kind of depressed I mean who wouldn’t be, right??? But all is getting better now. A lot of people continue to cheer me up and tell me how things happen for a reason. Although it was a struggle of emotions at first, I stayed strong and still try to beat whatever sickness I have to survive. My new chapter hasn’t started yet and I’m not about to give up now. 🙂

Love you guys to the moon and back!

xoxo,

G

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Experience, Friends, Happy Thoughts

Before And After Me

I used to love going out like A LOT.  And by that I meant drinking til I’m passed out drunk, going home past 12am, doing hella crazy stuff or YOLO for short. People who know me back in college can easily pinpoint me as one of those gals who is down for anything crazy and illegal. I don’t do drugs or anything major like that but more subtle things like drunk driving or anything alcohol-involved. I wasn’t always like that though…

Back before I became so open-minded and liberal-kinda, I was this geek girl who was a KPOP, JPOP, Kdrama, Jdrama, anything international-language-that-you-can’t-even-pronounce drama fan. I was this student who participated in Sudoko challenges in school. I even joined the Rubik’s cube challenge back in college with no friends to support me because my interests were too odd for them. I lost in round one though, but it didn’t matter because I felt fulfilled trying my best. I WAS THAT SIMPLE GIRL. Literally. I remember in my first year of college, I only had four or five t-shirts and two pairs of pants to wear at school. Everything I had was oversized shirts except for this one blue- striped blouse that I bought before school started. I was wearing it every week it became impossible for every single one of my block mates to have missed. How’d I know? A few years later, one of them confessed she could still draw that blouse by heart. See? I was this home-to-school school-to-home girl. But then life got in the way and decided to revamped my life. I started hanging out after class more. I learned how to wear skinny jeans. I got conscious and decided that three cups of rice per meal was more than a mortal sin. Although, I allowed it on my menstrual periods because damn girl give me some slack! Thinking about it now, I did became another person. I didn’t realize it back then because I was too preoccupied with the changes happening to me. My mom got pretty upset of what was happening and then the confused little girl inside me threw a tantrum and did bad things. You know, usual stories about good girl gone bad.

When it became too much, I begged my mom to get me out of the country. I was then in the U.S. for a year. Got what I finally wanted and learned to love myself again. I found myself beginning to return to who I was before. Even though, I couldn’t be the perfect replica of my older version I can say I have improved a lot for the better. Despite all of the hardship, I am very thankful for the lessons and experiences. I wouldn’t be me now if it weren’t for those.

But then, I came home late last year and got pretty depressed for a couple of months. Maybe because reality hit me again. My indecisive self could not keep up with things. Nowadays, I don’t hang out with my friends because I feel like I’m lagging behind them. I feel we have this friendship gap probably because I was absent for a year or I’m not in the same stage as them anymore. Also, the usual family dramas keeps on hunting me everyday. It’s sad and it did get into me. I almost fell into my bad habits. Almost. Instead, I chose the path that I didn’t choose before. I dealt it with positivity. I very much thank God because every single time that I almost did something bad, something will happen that won’t made me do it. It wasn’t just once but many times. It’s as if a sign from the universe not to give in to temptations. And I’m very thankful for that. Thankful for the never ending support and guidance from my family and God.

Now, I feel better than I have felt in years. Not just temporary happiness that you feel when you bought a new toy and the next day you’re like meh but that peace you know is lingering inside you no matter what stroke of bad luck you may encounter. I know this may not last. Nothing is. But for now, I am choosing to embrace this and be better as long as I can. Who knows? I may be eating my words in a few months but for now I am just really happy I got to have the chance to feel light and at peace again.

Xoxo,

G

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Everyday, Experience, Friends, Happy Thoughts

Late Nights

I’ve always been an early bird not a night owl. I find it hard to keep my eyes open when it’s past my bedtime (10pm) let alone pull an all-nighter. Tho there are times when I really need to sleep late like when there are finals week or a due project.

I’m proud to say now that I’ve achieved a week of sleeping past 12. Ha-ha. Though it’s not because of due projects or anything school stuffs but because of talking to my friends. Absurd, right? It’s not like they’re long distance or what. I can see them practically everyday. Every night, we vchat through Skype or if there’s many of us we used Oovoo. 😀 We couldn’t get enough of each other. Lol. And then on the morning(we’re classmates even), we talked about the night before.

It’s finals week again and tonight as tempting as it is to open and chat my friends, I can’t because I need to sleep and rest for tomorrow. So now, good night everyone and I’ll be drifting to dreamland. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite. 😉

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College, Dislike

I Think I Am In Friend-Love With You

I’ve been wanting to tell this to my friend. That I am in friend-love with him. But I’ve lost my chance not too long ago. Things kind of got weird between us and I don’t want to add more confusion to what we are already having. I guess things could never be back to normal between us.

Read this web comic by Yumi Sakugawa:
http://www.sadiemagazine.com/issue-no-11/arts-letters/comic/i-think-i-am-in-friend-love-with-you

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Dislike, Friends

They say no single two people in the world are platonic. Do you really believe that? Because I don’t. Maybe I’m talking about it one-sidedly.

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But whatever. Maybe I’m talking about a different degree of love.

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My point is, there’s always more to love than romance.

Ajwudhxids.
Nothing is more depressing than losing a great friend.
Uggh. Sorry about this one. I’m probably not making any sense whatsoever.

Platonic Love

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College, Dislike, Experience, Friends

It’s Just Not Right

I know there aren’t perfect ones here on earth. I also couldn’t judge them for what they are. They are just being who they are. But there are times that I couldn’t help it myself you know, like I’m a lioness in need to go out of its lair to release its rage and do the roaaaar!

I wanna shout in front of their faces and tell them that they’re not just right anymore or simply maybe a two word woud do, “FUCK OFF”. That whatever thing their doing has to stop.

Woosaa!

I do know my limits and when I don’t, I know when to say sorry. I know how to act civil, atleast that’s what I thought I am.

My point is!! I don’t know!

I’ve been really frustrated with how things are going right now. Bullshit here and there. Fights here and there. Screams here and there. Disappointments everywhere!

Why can’t I just accept that these things happen? They’re part of what’s supposed to be my LIFE. Well, maybe I’ve had enough!! Maybe it’s time, I punch LIFE and live a life. That doesn’t make sense, right? I know.

I know! Because nothing in my life make sense right now! Like what the hell am I talking about?

Just go to hell!

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