I positioned myself where I could both hear and see what everybody else is doing. I am having a great day so far. It’s 3 PM and they’re in the middle of fishing some tilapias while I retreat myself in a secluded corner where I can write my thoughts. Today, I came to visit grandmother in Tigaon, a more province place than where I live. Growing up in this town makes me appreciate the simple life and understand the simple ways of life.
Earlier, I walked my bare feet on the soil to get some fresh eggs to the farm. I shrieked loudly like some sassy city girl when my foot submerged to the mud knee-high. It was too late for me to turn back and so I moved forward. It was another humbling experience for me. My uncle has a pool that is 5 feet high. My brother, sister and I ended up cleaning and brushing the pool because we plan on using it. It was so fun exerting such hard work together with them. I will definitely miss this.
This moment is so rare that we’re complete together. Now that we’re growing up, the chances of us getting all complete in one place are thinning. And so, I cherish every moment I get with them that’s why I decided to write down this moment. I always want to take a break from everything that’s happening because I would want this to be remembered forever or even etched somewhere in a writing or a picture. Now, I have to get back and live this moment with them.
I thank you for your precious time for reading this.
As you may know, I have been waiting for my visa decision to come. And it finally came last Thursday. I GOT APPROVAL OF MY STUDENT PERMIT IN CANADA! Wohoooo. The reason I didn’t post it as soon as I got the word is that I was too happy and emotional to do anything else besides BEING HAPPY lol. I literally shouted and cried when I heard the news. It was given to me by Ms. Karen, my visa coordinator.
The very next day I found out that I’m going to Canada, I bought a one-way ticket. I’ll be leaving next month. My summer term won’t start until the month of May, but I want to be able to adjust weeks before my class starts. Besides, I have to settle some things first like my social security number, bank account, and other important stuff.
I feel so blessed that this moment has finally come. I never actually thought about getting it in the first place, I guess, which I know is a total wrong mind set to have. But like I said, I had been down that road before of waiting and being rejected and I was just afraid of getting my hopes up ever again. But I got! I got it. I got it.
Thank you for those who never lose their faith in me. I love you all.
Why do things have to go so bad, right? Why can’t we just have some consistency in life that we don’t have to adjust and everything? More often than not, life is unfair. I’m pretty sure a lot of people would attest to that one. Life isn’t some kind of a one-way lane for everyone. Instead, it’s all about those crazy intersections that turn green all at once. I honestly thought my life was perfect back when I was a kid. At that time, my perception was blinded by ideal fantasies of what life should be. Until one day, reality finally knocked on my door, tricked me into looking the other way and stabbed me in the back. Life became pretty tricky after that. It seemed like one day I have it all figured out and the next day, it gives me another whole set of challenges from some unknown dimension.
I know perfectly well that life is supposed to be this way, that it’s meant to be this hard and knotty. Because how else am I supposed to appreciate happiness without sadness, right? And so, I don’t even know why I’m still writing my angst and depression despite knowing that life isn’t supposed to be some kind of a fairytale with a happy ending. I’m just so caught up in my emotions right now. It’s all bottled up and I can’t even let it out. I feel like talking about it out loud would be some kind of way of acknowledging that it is happening. And I’m not ready to accept that reality yet, possibly never. I hope for change to come into my life soon that I can selfishly walk away from this and never have to face it. I take it that walking away to the problems won’t solve any of it. But in this case, if I could run away every time at every chance I get, I would.
Wanna know what I’ve been up to lately? Well, I am now a certified first aider. I just finished my training two days ago. It was hella fun, I’m telling ya. So yes, I learned about doing CPR, rescue breathing, bandages and some other basic stuff. Totally amazing! Hahaha. One of my friends told me ‘kung ano ano nalang’ meaning like you’re so random—that’s the closest I could think of a translation lol sorry if it didn’t do any justice. And yes, I was pretty much so bored I thought why not sign up for a first aid class.
Fast forward to now, I’m currently on the road of editing another video. Finally, right? Another inspiration has landed on me and I am not letting it go. That’s according to Big Magic, my new favorite self-guided book. It says that once the inspiration shows up, use it until it leaves you because it’s not going to be with you all the time, which is basically true to me. I don’t always feel the urge to do things just sometimes maybe when I’m being visited by the god of inspiration.
But here’s a hiccup to that, I can’t stop watching vlogs. HAHA. I have this new favorite Japanese vlogger. His YouTube channel name is FumiShun BASE. In such a short span of time, I think I may have already watched almost all of his video. I find him so funny and interesting. Not just that, but I have a crush on Yuyu—not sure if I remember his name correctly—because he kinda reminds me of Oguri Shun, which is another one of my fave Japanese actors. Uggh, Japan. Take me there!!!!
Lately, I’ve been going on and on about how sad I am. But generally, I’m a contented person and so I get easily happy for small things in life. These are some doses of sunshine in my life right now:
1. Finding film cameras and collecting negatives
Yes, you read that right. I am into film camera since forever. My obsession has finally come into its 150% craziness. The last time I’ve used an actual film camera was back in college so that’s like 3 or 4 years back. But my latest purchase was a Holga camera that has 120 film, which I don’t really use because that kind of film is very scarce.
Instead, I’ve been using these other film cameras. Yep, I’m a camera hoarder.
All of them use a 35mm film, except for that colorful one—that’s the Holga one, so the film for the rest is pretty accessible anywhere.
Originally, I’ve only really owned three of them. But since I told you, I’ve been a total shit crazy about vintage cameras lately, I’ve been asking out my relatives and friends if they have their old film cameras. Luckily for me, I’ve hauled two film cameras from my mom’s dear friend and actually one of the cameras turned out to be my favorite of all. It’s the Yashica camera. It has a very beautiful vintage structure with the straps and everything. I’m totally in love.
Here’s some negatives: flowers and creepy me
2. Reading a New Book: Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
If the name seems familiar to you, that’s because this book was written by the same author who wrote the book Eat, Pray, Love. This was given to me as a Christmas gift from my mom. One day, I was so bored I ended up reading it out of nowhere and it was the best random thing that I could have ever done at that point.
Kind of ashamed to say that this is my only first read for this year. I’m running way behind my targeted read books for the year. But anyway, I should say this does not disappoint me at all, and I’m just halfway from finishing it! It talks about inspirations and how it comes and goes within an individual. And that whenever that inspiration landed on you, you should immediately claim it or else, just like everything else, it doesn’t wait for you and will move on to the next person.
It’s actually the first book I’ve read that isn’t a novel or has a story behind it. I definitely recommend it if you’re looking for an inspirational book and you’re feeling a little lack of inspirational spirit.
3. Listening to Japanese Tracks
Anything Japanese related excites me. But nothing makes me feel more happy, excited, sad, and almost everything at the same time than listening to my Japanese playlist. The list just keeps adding as years passed by. It’s been a decade, I think since I first started this playlist. It never gets old, never will. It brings back the old memories, the joy, the innocence, the nostalgic feeling, the mixed emotions, all of it. Mostly, whenever I listen to this playlist, I feel like I’m being traveled back to the time when everything was simply carefree. That particular stage in my life where I would gladly choose to stay forever if I were to be given a chance.
4. Happy Moments with Friends
I don’t really go out much these days, just because I don’t think anything is ever worth exerting effort really, except maybe if I were to do something for my own sake. When I sometimes get invited to hang out, I’m always hesitant at first. It’s not them but it’s just my social anxiety disorder playing a huge part in this decision. But I don’t want to seem too antisocial really because I don’t think that’s a good practice either, so I just obliged myself to at least put on decent clothes and face them.
And it always ends up pretty fantastic—me having the best time of my life with all the catching up and jokes. I would say it’s very much the same when I go watch a Filipino movie at the cinema. I always roll my eyes and tell myself that I’m not going to enjoy it but I always ended up saying oh that’s not too bad, I loved it actually. I know, I’m pretty judge-y like that.
I don’t really focus on my friends nowadays, meaning I don’t really get to spend time as much as I did before. We’re pretty busy now. With all the work schedules and my own lazy bum schedule, we just don’t find that much time to reconnect as often as we should. But at the same time, it doesn’t really change the fact that we always have fun when we get together.
5. Taking Footages and Pictures
I got my Canon G7x II with me anywhere I go, literally! I don’t really post these things a lot on my social media, just because I don’t think there’s a need for it at all. I just really do it for the keepsake. Although the thought of editing and compiling videos excites me to the bones, sometimes there’s just not enough inspiration to do it. You know what I mean? Actually, my friends sort of call me a ‘vlogger’ because I carry my camera all the time anywhere I go, but I don’t really go like talking to my cam.
It’s funny that sometimes even my mom would be like ‘where’s your cam? Aren’t you gonna vlog it?’. And I’ll be like really dumbfounded that she would say that.
I guess, it just surprises me at all that everyone noticed that I do what I do. And I’m kind of proud that I’m recognized for it. It’s something that I can surely say I love doing and it makes me freaking happy.
So yes, that would be all. Really, what could I ask for more distractions in life? Right?! I hope you enjoyed reading this. It’s been a couple of lazy days for me just staying at home and not really going anywhere. So I got all this time to make posts.