After Grad

Everyoneโ€™s been busy. People are going out-of-town to escape this VERY MUCH familiar place. Theyโ€™re getting jobs and living the dream WHILE Iโ€ฆ I get to wake up early everyday and go to my dadโ€™s office and do the same thing everyday. I know what youโ€™re thinking that Iโ€™m being given extra credit for being the bossโ€™s daughter well ha ha ha ha cause you are very much wrong about that. But whatever, I just wanna get the hell outta this place. I honestly want to go and leave everyone behind. I know how selfish this may sound but I want to spend some time alone and I donโ€™t care how much they would miss me. I just want to be away. Itโ€™s like everyone keeps telling me to change my habits and all but Iโ€™m like how can I ever change if Iโ€™m breathing the same polluted air. I need to get out of this dirty bubble and find another healthy one. Itโ€™s going to be hard but Iโ€™m willing to take my chance. Itโ€™s just that no matter how hard I try at the end of the day, Iโ€™m always back to square one. Nothing good accomplished. So please just let me go. Let me live my life.

Go on tell me Iโ€™m always whining! ๐Ÿ˜’ This isnโ€™t your blog so if you want your opinion expressed, go home and create your own journal. Whatever. Ugh. Me is pissed. I need to be early tomorrow! I blame tonight’s flashes of lightning. I seem to be imagining that theyโ€™d be no work for tomorrow. But who am I kidding, right? ๐Ÿ˜‚

All right! Bye already! ๐Ÿ˜’

What Is Going On?ย 

Pretending so much to be happy when I’m rotting on the inside. I don’t know what it is that I’m still asking for. I mean I already heard the good news and that alone should make me jump and scream of happiness. But no, instead I feel down. Maybe this is what they call graduation jitters. I’m scared for what’s ahead of me. I don’t see myself doing good in my life. I feel blank like uncertainty of what future holds.

Honestly though, I think I know the reason why I’m miserable at the moment. I just don’t want to admit it. But I’m fine, so much fine. So much that I could cry at any moment. I actually think there’s a lump stuck in my throat. I could be walking down the street and shed tears without any warning. I could be looking at the mirror smiling and crying at the same time yet no one will ever know it’s not tears of joy. I could look like I’m paying attention but I’m actually spacing out. Does that even sound like fine to anyone? ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m going cray! 

I don’t want to be locked up in the house. My room isn’t exactly a therapeutic place either. I have dark orange curtains and a speaker that blares suicidal music so yeah it’s not helping. And I can’t go out at night just whenever and wherever I want. I’m not exactly a free bird. I mean I can be if I want to but the last time I did it, it was for someone and you know when someone doesn’t appreciate the risks that you do so you just stop bc you’re just human and it’s not like you’re asking something in return but a little love would be appreciated. But oh well, I’m done risking for a while. ๐Ÿ˜Š

This is getting out of hand. 

I wish to disappear. 

Good night. 

Sembreak!!!

Oh. My. Gosh.

The worst semester is now over! Finally! Breather. Happy to get rid of my school papers. Pfft. It’s not like it’s even worth keeping. Anyway! My last exam ended this morning and right after my exam my face was like ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜ Fuck this school it’s sembreak now! Haha but then again… I have subjects to retake next semester. FML.

Creative shot for tomorrow. Mixed emotions on that. I’m not sure on the whole thing though! I don’t have an idea as to what time I should be there. My clothes are…meh. But who fucking cares, right?

And then here goes one unexpected thing that just happened. One of my friends texted me her saloobin for me. And I was like ‘oh! I was kinda expecting this to happen but…’ still in the middle of night โŒ›๏ธ. I was glad she told me those things ’cause tellin me upfront is better than backstabbing me. ๐Ÿ”ช I think we had a misunderstanding about one thing tho and I was quick to explain myself that it wasn’t the case. Im hoping things will be okay. I mean just because I’m not freting over this friendship thing doesnt mean it’s not important to me. I’m just too tired to deal with things right now. I wanna die, alright!

Holy shit. And then I stalked someone and I almost wish I hadn’t done it. It’s really better to stay quiet now and let things be. I’m fine this way. I know what I did to you but do you even know how I’m doing right now. I bet you dont even know half about it. But anyway the thing is, I did tell you this was gonna happen, right? Blame me all you want but this is just gonna be how it is. Let’s quit making it harder than it already is.

I really don’t want to end my post in that tone. SO GUYS! The Script is live in Manila on April 17, 2015 and attending one of their concerts would cross one item in my bucketlist! My heart literally cant even when I heard the fantastic news. ๐Ÿ˜ Puhlease!!!! 11:11!!!

Yaaay! I’m so back myself now. ๐Ÿ˜€

Later, I’ll be going to Jen’s house because we we’re both invited to a friend’s graduation party. It’ll be an early dinner for us so maybe afterwards Jen and I will be hanging out.

Happy days are coming. ๐Ÿ™‚

Cheerless Mood

I should be happy right now. Today is the graduation celebration for my cousin. ๐Ÿ™‚ But dang I feel tired instead. I spend my whole day at our store. I should’ve been with my mom when she attended the baccalaureate mass this morning but I was on my way to our store. I had no choice but to give way to them.

Also, I woke up early this morning around 3:30 AM and checked my phone. My friend texted me that our grades were already posted. And so I checked my account and went into grades section and goddamnit I wish I could turn back the time at that moment when I saw my score because I didn’t think it was possible for me to sleep again.

With all these and that, I am hoping to be forgiven with my cheerless mood. I just couldn’t bring myself to lighten up. I just can’t, okay?

And one thing more, I think I’m starting to get attached to someone. Ghaad seriously, when will I learn?