Catching Up With Old Friends

Yesterday was one of those days when I usually wake up late, work out and binge watch movies. So I decided to hit up my friends invite them for dinner or late night coffee. It was kind of spontaneous and I’m glad we were complete last night. We went to a restaurant where there was a nice view of the surroundings, chatted up a bit self update and a little more girl gossips. Last night was a very familiar and homey feeling with the girls. I hope to do more of these.

10.31.17

Rainy Day On A Tuesday

😭 I love days like this.

Last day of the month of October! Time is running to fast, don’t you think so?!

Today is the start of the three non-working holiday for the celebration of All Souls and All Saints Day. There’s no other perfect way to spend the first day of this holiday with a gloomy weather. I imagine people waking up to the sound of the rain with their messy hairs and a cup of coffee in their hand. It just feels so peaceful today. I can’t describe my love for the rain.

See, I was craving for Takoyaki so I decided to bring my siblings to my favorite Takoyaki place. We drove even though it was raining cats and dogs! My brothers are headed to my dad’s place anyway, so we had to eat first and they had to drop me off again. After my craving was satisfied, I didn’t exactly plan to stay in bed and sleep the day ’cause I wanted this day to be productive sort of, so I decided to play piano and master a piece. The last piece I memorized was the song Only Hope by Mandy Moore. I remember my two brothers got interested in playing piano because of that song. Ever since, they can’t stop playing piano and now they play it better than I do. But after a while, my fingers were feeling pretty sore already so I stopped.

It is already 1pm in the afternoon and I feel like the clock is ticking so fast. Probably because I’ve been busy up until I stopped playing the piano. What to do next now? I was thinking I could redesigned my whole blog. Or I could write on my diary notebook. Or maybe just watch a movie on Netflix but that would be ruining my productive day.

Tomorrow, my family and I will be heading to my grandma’s place to celebrate the holiday. Besides, all our loved ones were buried in that place so it’s just right to be there.

It’s so nice having this kind of weather, you know! It makes me feel kinds of sentiments. Or maybe…now that I think about it, the cuddle weather has come! I wish there was someone to cuddle with. Just kidding, my Pooh bear is enough to keep me company. But yes, my favorite has finally come. The time for wearing cute sweaters, sipping coffee while reading a book, giving gifts and receiving them, gosh just thinking about all those makes me excited. I had a pretty bad Christmas last year when I just came back from the USA because of the typhoon. Hopefully this year, may I have the best one. 🙂 I’ve babbled a lot now. Rain can do that to me.

Love,

G

As Friends or As Lovers?

1.png

In life, it’s seldom we found someone who gets us. Someone who we instantly love the moment we meet them. It’s such a rare occasion that when that certain person comes, we grab them and make sure they feel safe and loved. In most cases, people expect this to advance into some kind of romantic intimacy—which is ridiculous, really. On the other hand, it may lead to a long-life friendship. So let me throw a question, if you meet someone who really gets your vibe and interests in life, what kind of relationship would your inner-self choose to have with that someone—as a friend or a lover? It’s a tricky question, I know. The answer gets complicated the more you think about it. Ha.

My answer? I always go for friendship. But isn’t that always the case or mostly how it is for everyone? I mean, doesn’t a relationship begins at something before being lovers? And there’s nothing quite like how we, Millennials, deal with being in a ‘relationship’. There are even the so-called stages of relationship amongst 20-somethings that start out as being friends > talking stage > friends with benefits > hooking up > dating > exclusivity/to being lover. It’s one hella ride  for young people to be in love, nowadays. No wonder Millennials are tagged to be the worst generation and no doubt about how older generations are laughing at us right now.

Having a fair share of my being part of the Millennial generation, I’ve experienced this roller coaster ride of being in a relationship myself. The one thing I can say is it’s just not for me. I might have done it wrong but I’ve had enough for now. I’ll choose friendship over love not because it will be the safe choice but because I’ve been there done thatrelationship thing and now I know better than to risk any good friendship with love. I’m not saying I’m all closed door for finding love but it’s not something that I am expecting to come in my life anytime soon. Setting my mind to that note, it keeps me from jumping to conclusions and expecting to find love in every guy that I meet. At the same time, without the expectations of any kind, it lets me create a deeper connection with someone I truly find interesting. It’s like I don’t have to worry about being the perfect girl because who’s judging, right? 🙂 No one but a good friend of mine.

Lovers just take it to different level, you know? Sure, there’s no doubt about how colorful our lives when they are there. No one can actually make us feel the same way that they do to us. It’s magical and how we wish it would never end. But have you had any relationship with someone that it ended badly, but then you realize you were so good together as friends than lovers, that you wish you could turn back time and just be friends instead? It’s a shame, isn’t it? Makes you regret just enough to wish for things to go back to the way you were as friends. That’s why I’ll always choose friendship over love.

Some people ask me what if you could have found your true happiness with that someone, but you settled as friends so you ended up throwing away the one shot deal? Honestly, I’m not worried. I’ve never been worried about missing my chances at being happy with someone because I know it’s not something that I could never find in myself. I produce my own sunshine and happiness. We all do! It’s on me to share it to other people. I never needed someone to make me feel whole because I am complete whether someone is holding my hand or not.

So what I need is a friend who knows me well, who’ll understand my tantrums and deal with it. Someone I can laugh with and share my stories with. A friend who I can talk whatever with no boundaries whatsoever. A friend who can be my plus one in parties and get drunk with. One who’ll ask me to a slow dance even with a pop music playing. A guy my parents can be comfortable with. Just someone who gets me. I have always believed that two opposite genders can have a platonic relationship. Being anything more than friends is just another label. What matters is the strong foundation and relationship I have with that person. If it turns out that my best friend is the one, wouldn’t that be great?! But if not, a best friend for life is not a loss love at all.

Choose carefully. And learn to love yourself.

xoxo,

G

Subscribe on my YouTube Channel1

Screen Shot 2017-09-26 at 9.09.20 AM.png

100 SUBSCRIBERS IN YOUTUBE?! You guys are the best!!!!!

Last 4 months, I began being active in the YouTube community wherein I constantly post—is posting two videos in four months considered constant?—and actively comment on videos to sub on my channel haha. It gives me great joy to share my videos on the internet. Of course, there’s the hope of getting known duh, but nope it’s not my first priority. These past months, I have learned to love YouTube. I have been watching nonstop YouTube videos about almost anything but mostly about travel vlogs and tutorials on cinematic videos. I have also learned more stuff about editing and using transitions to enhance and to make sick edits lol oh yeah. I can’t explain how much excitement I feel when I edit or when I take videos of myself and other people. Even my friends now call me “vlogger”, I don’t exactly feel shy when I vlog around but I’m not totally confident yet. I haven’t even got past the point of being able to talk in front of the camera with my friends around. I mean I hate speaking in front of people I have the phobia and all but I just love the concept of vlogging that it makes it want to overcome that fear. Ever since I was kid, I have been recording through my phone and camera. I remember using Windows Movie Maker to compose a compilation of my photos and make it into a video with background music.

Anyway, I am planning to upload videos for as long as it gives me happiness. It’s actually quite fun and rewarding to be able to receive comments and love from people you don’t know! I feel like this is my one of my true hobbies in life. And I think I’m going to be doing this for a long time.

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO MY CHANNEL!!!! IT WOULD MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND MY DREAMS. I subscribe back, you guys! I’m actually looking to do a collab. Hmu if you want! 🙂

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCouX1vaDY-aqCP3Jw9EzCdw

Love,

G

Before And After Me

I used to love going out like A LOT.  And by that I meant drinking til I’m passed out drunk, going home past 12am, doing hella crazy stuff or YOLO for short. People who know me back in college can easily pinpoint me as one of those gals who is down for anything crazy and illegal. I don’t do drugs or anything major like that but more subtle things like drunk driving or anything alcohol-involved. I wasn’t always like that though…

Back before I became so open-minded and liberal-kinda, I was this geek girl who was a KPOP, JPOP, Kdrama, Jdrama, anything international-language-that-you-can’t-even-pronounce drama fan. I was this student who participated in Sudoko challenges in school. I even joined the Rubik’s cube challenge back in college with no friends to support me because my interests were too odd for them. I lost in round one though, but it didn’t matter because I felt fulfilled trying my best. I WAS THAT SIMPLE GIRL. Literally. I remember in my first year of college, I only had four or five t-shirts and two pairs of pants to wear at school. Everything I had was oversized shirts except for this one blue- striped blouse that I bought before school started. I was wearing it every week it became impossible for every single one of my block mates to have missed. How’d I know? A few years later, one of them confessed she could still draw that blouse by heart. See? I was this home-to-school school-to-home girl. But then life got in the way and decided to revamped my life. I started hanging out after class more. I learned how to wear skinny jeans. I got conscious and decided that three cups of rice per meal was more than a mortal sin. Although, I allowed it on my menstrual periods because damn girl give me some slack! Thinking about it now, I did became another person. I didn’t realize it back then because I was too preoccupied with the changes happening to me. My mom got pretty upset of what was happening and then the confused little girl inside me threw a tantrum and did bad things. You know, usual stories about good girl gone bad.

When it became too much, I begged my mom to get me out of the country. I was then in the U.S. for a year. Got what I finally wanted and learned to love myself again. I found myself beginning to return to who I was before. Even though, I couldn’t be the perfect replica of my older version I can say I have improved a lot for the better. Despite all of the hardship, I am very thankful for the lessons and experiences. I wouldn’t be me now if it weren’t for those.

But then, I came home late last year and got pretty depressed for a couple of months. Maybe because reality hit me again. My indecisive self could not keep up with things. Nowadays, I don’t hang out with my friends because I feel like I’m lagging behind them. I feel we have this friendship gap probably because I was absent for a year or I’m not in the same stage as them anymore. Also, the usual family dramas keeps on hunting me everyday. It’s sad and it did get into me. I almost fell into my bad habits. Almost. Instead, I chose the path that I didn’t choose before. I dealt it with positivity. I very much thank God because every single time that I almost did something bad, something will happen that won’t made me do it. It wasn’t just once but many times. It’s as if a sign from the universe not to give in to temptations. And I’m very thankful for that. Thankful for the never ending support and guidance from my family and God.

Now, I feel better than I have felt in years. Not just temporary happiness that you feel when you bought a new toy and the next day you’re like meh but that peace you know is lingering inside you no matter what stroke of bad luck you may encounter. I know this may not last. Nothing is. But for now, I am choosing to embrace this and be better as long as I can. Who knows? I may be eating my words in a few months but for now I am just really happy I got to have the chance to feel light and at peace again.

Xoxo,

G

7 Things I Miss About Living in the U.S.

For those who doesn’t know, I was fortunate enough to live abroad for about a year and a month for my internship. My placement was in Chicago and I had the best time ever in my life. But now that I am back in the Philippines, I can’t help but miss a few things. Actually, it’s a lot of things but I don’t think I have enough time to enumerate it all. 😅 So here are some:

Freedom

I was all alone for a year. No parents. No relatives. Sure, I got to talk to them via Skype for almost everyday but with the different timezones and whatnot, it’s just hard to keep up so there was no one telling me what to do and what time I should be going home. It was freeing since I haven’t really experienced NOT living with my parents before my internship. But when I came back and had to meet my friends after a long time,  I was set with a curfew. I honestly can’t say I did not expect it coming but to be able to actually experienced it again was quite unbelievable. But really it’s not all about going out and stuff, it’s also about freedom to travel anywhere I wish and whomever I want. There’s also the freedom to make decisions on my own.

Screen Shot 2017-04-10 at 10.18.48 PM.png

Winter Season

True to its name as the Windy City, Chicago’s wind can be very harsh especially to those from tropical countries like me. I remember my first day of work, I thought I was all covered good for the fall weather and went straight to open the door ready to go to work thinking the cold couldn’t be that bad but as soon as I stepped out of the door, I could hear the loud swishing of the wind. I was so wrong. I never felt so exposed in my life! The wind blew past my whole body as if I was not wearing anything. I immediately went back inside and gather my gloves, scarf and extra jacket. It was probably because I was still adjusting to the harsh weather, but still…poor me. I had to adjust for months for the cold weather. And just when my body was already settling in, I’m back again in my country experiencing heat wave everyday. I realize that if it’s cold, I can at least shield myself by wearing coats and hats and still feel okay but there’s no going around if it’s hot. Unless of course, you install an internal fan in your shirt.

bca765424c7aa5dacd5a81469b49efcf.jpg

Dating

I never was the kind of person open in dating other people but that was before I went to Chicago. The first time I decided to meet up with someone, I bought this draft beer at 711 and jugged the whole thing thirty minutes before the meet up. Why the beer? I can never do meet ups with strangers let alone talk with them SOBER. Reckless? Maybe. So yeah, we met at the train station near my office and since we were going the same direction, we rode the train together. The guy was slurring all the time it was so hard for me to make out on what he’s saying. I swear half the time I just nod whenever I felt like he’s done talking. I had an OKAY time and never called the guy again. Nevertheless, it was a first and nice experience I had. Back here, I don’t even dare open Tinder. Yucky. In fact, it seems like my sexual hormones has been shut off the moment I set my foot back in this country. It’s probably because Filipinos don’t interest me that much. I prefer getting to know someone from other places foreign to me. It’s lovely and exciting, for me. 🙂

Stress-free Life

I don’t mean to sound unfair and ungrateful, but with all the pre-exisiting family dramas plus my personal struggles mixing up, they just don’t add up to my list of reasons-to-look-forward-to-when-I-come-back-home/reasons-to-stay. Nu-uh.

Screen Shot 2017-04-10 at 10.22.36 PM.png

The People

I’m not sure how to explain this without sounding bias. I’ve only been to other Asian countries but never outside the continent before and I can tell you people in the West are very genuine and nice, in general. Of course, I can’t say that much since I’ve only live there—particularly in Chicago—for a year.  🙄 But like honestly, people would open doors for you, even WOMEN would do that. Also, 7 out 10 people would randomly greet or smile at you. Back here if some stranger do that, one would be very skeptical and think maliciously already. It’s funny. And kind of unfair that I’m thinking so negatively for my people but it’s the naked truth.

No One Gives A Fuck

I may be the the type of girl who does not care of what she wears, most of the time. I do get conscious though, when there’s like an event or something—I think that’s only normal—but definitely besides those, I don’t care. As a foreigner, I was conscious at the way I dressed at first but actually you’d be surprise how people don’t give a fuck about what you’re wearing. They dress up however they want. A lot of times, I had encountered males and females having such out-of-this-planet type of colour in their hair and I just found fascinating that they weren’t conscious about it and wish I could have the courage to do something like that. But here in the Philippines, people are just naturally judgy especially women. How did I know that? Well, I may have been one of those women from time to time. Yeah, shame on me.

Screen Shot 2017-04-10 at 10.32.45 PM.png

My Dream Lives Up In There

Finally, this feels like the main reason why I miss living abroad. I feel like ever since I got home, my life has been on pause. Of course, I know it’s not entirely true because everyday I deal with stuff that makes me grow as a person. Things such as being considered grown up therefore having much responsibilities than before, the realization that I am not the same person as I was before I left and things like that. I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy here but I really see myself working my way up somewhere else. That I could accomplish something for myself. But you know what? I don’t dream of being a president of some company. I don’t dream of owning a castle. Although I know I wasn’t born to just pay bills and die, I only want enough for me and my family for the present and the future. And I wish I could say that I could get it all here where I grew up and I probably could easily get it, but still no. It’s already very much tangled up that I’d rather start from the bottom somewhere else far than have everything but happiness. After all, happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road. And my map says the start of that journey is not here.

Yes, those are some that made the list of why I miss living in abroad. I may sound a little into living away home but that does not mean I hate it here. I love it mainly because I have my family here. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the country. Just so happens that I fell deeply in love in other places. So yes, I’m a girl who has such a big lust to get away and see the world.

Photo credits: Pictures taken from https://www.instagram.com/chicagobucketlist/ and Pinterest.com

Loud Mind of Mine

My cute ass was dragged all weekday for IELTS review last week, and as if that weren’t enough, I had to speak in front of everyone every damn day. It was the speaking module week, that’s why. I just got so nervous without any warning and I usually can’t speak straight when I’m scared! I kept trying to shake off the uneasiness by thinking about funny or good memories but it was no help. Really, the more I tried the more it worsened.

tumblr_o2osjuuClx1uyd1nso1_500.gif

Just earlier, I asked a friend a question that resulted to a misunderstanding between us. What happened was that friend replied something stupid to my question making me feel like a fool. And now I’m hurt that’s why, I’m drawing away my attention to anything that won’t trigger my mind to remember the incident.

So today I find myself asking what is a good distraction from things I don’t want to think?

After a thought…

All I can think about is I’m crazy to assume that any diversion would work. I realize I probably just have to face it head-on and give myself a break. Well, how about just speaking freely not caring about possible mistakes or just letting myself stutter until I can finally fucking deliver it clearly? Like why worry about that friend when I know it wouldn’t be a freakin’ lost if I lose that one person? I mean just do your thing and stop worrying, self.

It makes sense, right? I can’t worry about everything all at once. There’s just so much to do and only hours in a day. Just one fucking thing at a time. If certain fate is meant to be yours, then what’s the rush? I know it is easier to say and realize all of these things than actually doing and applying it in life. But I think when you know what’s going on, you’ll actually find a way to make it right—well, at least you’ve made you’re first step to the lifeline.

Everyday Routine

If you must know my employment status, I am throwing it right here. I’m jobless... Not being proud about it or whatever, just tryna start a post. 😫✌🏼

It’s only been two weeks so there’s not much grand update for me. So as I’ve already mentioned in my previous post, I am my baby sister’s personal driver. Every morning I drop her off school and then run some personal errands before picking her up. Then we go straight to my dad’s house and have lunch with him and since Shobe has morning classes only, we spend some time watching movies and sleep after lunch. It would then be time to pick up my brother from school at 5:30pm and the three of us would go home.

Let’s say I don’t do all of those, that would only mean I’d be at Ocampo helping my mom’s business which means I would be the one opening and closing the store while my mom would stay here in Naga and have her day off. That being said, mom would be doing all those stuff mentioned above. Well, except of course, having lunch with dad!

So there you go, pretty much my schedule everyday! I’m not sure of working yet, I’m still trying to figure out things. 💩

11.12.2016

You know I sometimes spend my time reading life and love quotes and finding myself falling deeply in love with the moment. Then, I would argue to myself how just reading it makes me feel amazing; how much more in real life,right? I would feel so hopeful about love at the same time so sad I’d cry. But then just right after I’m done reading all the sappy quotes, all the drama and dreamy emotions die w/ the moment too. The same feeling you get when you try to remember the dream you’ve had the other night—the more you try to chase the memory the more it goes away. That exact feeling. And somehow, it’s sad for me that I can’t even hold on to that sentiment. I feel hopeless, whenever.

Last Dine Out With My Team

Today marks my remaining last 10 days at work(Springfield, IL, mostly). Lately, I have been working 12 hours a day with my team—and the rest of them still work at home—so not really complaining here lol. Because it’s the busy season, there’s no time to slack or even go to the gym which sucks but understandable on my part. I know it’s normal and it’s part of my training or whatever and everyone’s been very nice and considerate to me. I’m just glad that my efforts and hard work are being appreciated by my teammates.

As a tradition, the team takes out or treats their own teammate if he/she is leaving. So tonight, I was treated dinner together with my team! I feel so special! Earlier they asked me where I wanted to eat and I said anything Japanese and my manager was like are you sure and she started searching on Yelp. She goes on about the reviews of every restaurant lol she was so funny because she would really go on with all these negative comments and then skip on the next restaurant. 😪😅 Until finally, she found this place called Happy Sushi. Everyone on my team was being hesitant of the place but we still insisted to go there. We got off work early and went straight to the place. It was like less than 5 minutes away by car but we almost got lost! Crazy 😁

I was the first one to go inside the restaurant and I was really surprised to see that the place was so small. Like all of us barely fit because the place was packed and guess what there were just four small tables! I was about to give a helpless look to my colleagues when this waitress ushered us to a table inside—I though it was the kitchen entry—and we literally like passed thru their kitchen side kinda gross really but whatever haha. So when we were seated—btw there were four of us—we started looking with each other and trying not to laugh!  The place was ridiculously cramped but yeah we gave our orders after a while. It turns out, the food was amazing! Everyone liked it loved it! We were exchanging conversations while eating and before I know it I was in the hot seat. I found myself talking about my dating life to them. It was a nice kind of conversation, you know l didn’t find myself uncomfortable sharing what I’m experiencing and my views. The dinner was not boring and I feel like it wasn’t just a regular dine out because I get to really interact and talk to them so I really enjoyed every second with them tonight.

Glad to be in such a wonderful team!

 

 

 

 

Getting Ready to Say Goodbye 

I talked to a dear friend yesterday and she told me how she cannot find the words to write to which of course, I told her how I myself haven’t visited my own blog in a while. So here I am without any doubt about to ramble nonsense thoughts again.

Officially, I only have a month left in Chicago. You must be curious as to what I feel, eh? Well, I feel a lot of things! I have come to love Chicago or basically here in the United States. I have met a lot of people that changed my perspectives in life. I learned and proved to myself being independent is a good thing. Enjoying  my life without any responsibility is such a big privilege but like all other things in life, this amazing chapter has to end. So I am happy that in a short period of time, I had such a wonderful time with new found friends, family and myself. And although inevitably there are things I wish would stay permanent with me, life goes on and I could only hope for the best! It’s also funny how I miss home now more than ever. I find myself getting excited and homesick already. Looking back to my first few months, all I kept thinking was how on earth could I stay here and never go back but now…I miss home.

So, see you Philippines in a month! 😊

What’s weird

“It’s weird. I’ve finally come to terms with you being gone. I’ve even accepted the heartache. I don’t miss you anymore; I’m not crying over you anymore. I smile now. I laugh harder than ever. I’m genuinely happy. I can’t believe I’m able to say this, but I’m okay. I’m really okay.’

It still bothers me, sometimes, you know. But that’s it.

Lollapalooza ’16

Last July, I attended a music festival called Lollapalooza in Grant Park, Chicago. It should be in your summer-must to do list if you’re in Chicago. Like if there’s Coachella in California, Lollapalooza is the shit here. I went with one of my intern friends, Helen. She is from Columbia and she’s just plain crazy. Like me crazy. Lol. She made sure to buy a six-pack beer to chug before going to the event. So what happened since we couldn’t possibly drink the beers on the train, we started as soon as we got off so we looked like two thirsty drunk girls walking down the streets in the middle of the day.


Man, it was not easy to get in. The line was impossible like just thinking about it now makes me cringe. It was so hot that day we had to line up for over an hour. I had no hat or no sunscreen for reapplication. But once we made it…😭😄😄😄😄😄 it was worth it. We began to explore and take pictures. It was amazing! The enormous place itself, the people and their outfits, food stalls (lol), hundreds of portable toilets and jeez I can see people smoking weed everywhere!

We hop stages to stages, not caring which and who artists we’re going. We blend in with people and dance like there’s no tomorrow. 😃 It was awkward as hell at first, of course, but then I thought this people don’t even know me so I started not to care and dance the day away! I was all about jumping, shouting, raising my hand, moving like crazy and doing all those at the same time all day it was draining. I had to buy a beer every time to keep up!

My finale was Disclosure, but Helen chose Red Hot Chili Peppers. I wish to do both and even more, but it was impossible since every stage is like a mile apart lol. So I was like, fuck it, I can do this alone and join the crowd. Good thing though this guy came out of nowhere, who also couldn’t find his friends so we both dance the night away! See? I’m proud I took a leap of faith going solo. It ain’t that bad, as it turns out.

 

Awake

Scrambled thoughts as always…

Who would have thought I’d come to like working in Springfield? It’s only my second week and I’m already getting used to live here. Although, working hours here is longer than in Chicago I guess it’s okay. I mean I just accepted it I don’t wanna complain anymore. It’s better than doing nothing at all.

I know I said I’ll be posting story about my birthday but I haven’t found the inspiration to share at the moment. So let’s skip it for now, hopefully I won’t forget it tho I have been going out ever since I turned 21. It’s what I look forward to now: Friday and Saturday nights. You know, I’m doing the things that I know I want and even though at the end of the day part of me is tired and would just rather spend the day on my bed forever, I still want to explore. Because I know myself, and I’ll regret the things that I didn’t do when I knew I had the chance. Anyho, Vegas on the first of July! Did I guys tell you that? 😬 I cannot wait! My first West Coast visit wohooo. This better be awesome.

But reality check…

Four months. Only four months left here in the U.S.A. and buhbye already. I try not to think about it because I get sad every time. But hey, this won’t be the end. It’s just the beginning for me.