Bonjour, ça va?

Today, today, today, today. Today, I opened the store and mom took the day off. I had a rough morning, to begin with! I ended up messing the computer server, so I had no choice but to call and ask for my mom’s help. I was losing it very much. Do you ever have times when everything just goes wrong and you’re not even lifting a finger to cause anything at all? Like the disaster just comes to you. I just had my freaking period, what could have been triggering me? And I’m eating a lot too, more than my usual.

A friend today even provoke the crap out of me and bitch I played it cool. I wouldn’t stoop lower just for you. On the other side of this thing, I’m actually glad I’m finally mad at this person. Like you know what? I’ve had enough of your bullshit. The magic is gone and I’m not about to make you make me feel any lesser now.

On a lighter note, the medical clinic I had been exchanging emails about my medical status had finally submitted my application to the embassy. I can’t believe it. This was what I had been hoping and waiting for, for the last 6 months, and now it has been done. Thank you, self, for being strong and believing in your own capability that you can go through it. And we did. I did it. Now, the only thing to wait for is the decision for my student permit. I have not been wanting to write something about my anticipation for the visa decision because I felt like in some ways, I was going to jinx it, but fuck it. I have been also researching about my future stay in Canada like my place to stay, part-time jobs, activities to do, and some basic stuff. But at the same time, this feels a little scary doing this because I’ve been on this road before. I had done my research and whatnot, only to be crushed by the news that I was sick. And so, as I am in this road again, I always, always begin with telling myself that if, for some reason, things could go wrong again, I should be mentally and emotionally be prepared about it.

You see, most of the time, in most things in life, it’s not a straight path at all. Most times, it’s a struggle between being an optimist and a realist. You can’t just stay positive and not think about all the possible negative outcomes that could happen. Likewise, you can’t just be dreading and hoping for the worst because the way of thoughts and the way of actions are two intertwined things in this universe. And so right now, I am all over the places. I see now that that’s probably the reason why I’m a walking ticking bomb lately. This is that final point where I know that either of two things in my life is about to happen. Either I chase my dream to Canada and have the life I want or I stay and make it work here. And I am not going to lie that as much as I stay positive and all that shit, I do think about the idea of not getting a yes on a student permit. Of course, I think about that all the time. I even get nights now where my late-night thoughts are consumed by this horrible possibility. It’s scaring the fuck out of me, okay? Forgive me for the outburst of profanities here.

On a much much happy note, today is my baby brother’s birthday! 🙂 He just turned 15, but he looks so grown up now. What is it with young kids looking and acting so mature at a young age? When I was at his age, I was proudly showing my flabs to my friends. But kids these days, they make out the majority of every gym spaces right now. I can’t even. Or I’m just getting old and starting to be one of those old people who constantly compare themselves to younger generations like, ugh kids these days don’t even talk in person but just plant their faces on their phones. Lol. But I am a proud ate with my siblings. They are the kinds of kids parents are praying for to have. So I will be closing the store early because we’ll be having a small family dinner.

This is a lengthy post now, I know. But on my defense, this is to make up for the days when I have such intense thoughts that I couldn’t even write what those are about. I just wanted to say more about how I’m hoping, really hoping for the best for me. And that is to get my student permit. I don’t want to let this opportunity pass and regret it for the rest of my life. It’s just that now that I am 22—the average age of a graduate student—I wanted to be able to start and focus on things, career-wise. And yes, it’s starting to dawn on me that I’m an adult now, that I have to be responsible for my own and start to take care of other people too. I’m glad that I have these options to choose from like having to study abroad and not be forced to work and be financially responsible for my family. For this, I am eternally blessed in more ways I could ever imagine. I pray that whatever the future holds, there would be guidance to walk me through this life.

Finally, I won’t be posting for another week or so. I will be celebrating this coming long weekend with my friends at La Union for 3 days. Should be one hella weekend. But I mean, it’s totally going to be a wholesome weekend getaway for me, since I’m not up for some wild nights. I don’t even drink anymore. I’m afraid I won’t really keep up with people having fun if I’m sober, so I definitely arranged my budget on food twice as high than I normally would because I would have to busy myself eating than be drinking mojitos.

Wow, you’ve made it this far?! Kudos to you. Thank you so much for reading my lengthy blog post. Leave a comment down below on what your plans for the upcoming long weekend or just about anything at all. I’d like to get to know my readers better. And I don’t bite. *wink*

salut à mes lecteurs



Merry Christmas 🎄

Merry Christmas! Honestly, this day couldn’t get any more ordinary than our usual day. But it’s nice to be alive and feel the magic in the air where people who you haven’t talked in a while drops a greeting on your Messenger, ampao from Santa Claus and foods at Noche Buena that are quite enough to last for a month. Not much any positivity to share right now. So you guys have a merry christmas and enjoy the holidays with the fambam.



happy kiddo ^__^

I’m proud and earning. LOL. It’s not much but it’s definitely making me want to wake up early every morning. It’s like, finally! Looking forward to a work that I definitely enjoy. Hehe. I’m a blessed kid. I just am.

I can’t wait to see my brother later. He’s coming home with us to celebrate the holidays. I can feel mother’s excitement this far.

Alrighty. Talk to you guys tomorrow.


Long Thoughts on a Long Night

Ah. Tonight’s going to be a long night again. I’m traveling to Manila by car tonight for my monthly medicine refill. I’m with my baby sis. She’s eagerly seated beside me and I bet she’s feeling some kind of independency right now. She just challenged me to stay awake throughout the whole journey. Saying she doesn’t need sleep. Annoying but cute. I’m on my usual position seated just behind the driver’s seat. My feet extended in front of me, blanket set on my entire half, earphones plugged in my ears listening to Love by Finding Hope, pillow on my lap and scarf snaked around my neck looks like I’m all set. Perfect. Did I mention it’s raining?

I’d say this year has been all about being idle, literally and mentally. It didn’t leave me much choice. The unfortunate happenings, I mean. Although somehow, maybe I could’ve done something to be busy. But this gave way to discovering the things that are important to me. It’s like finding a hidden treasure in my life. I’m like one of those kids starring at the movie The Goonies where they went out for an adventure to find a hidden treasure. Only in my version, I’m just stationary most of the time. They have the saying with one leaving comes a better one. And something just keeps leaving in my life only to be replace by something better and even more better with the next thing that comes. Or maybe it’s just the way I perceived it. I always look for a reason to be thankful. My motto in life is one of those clichés, “Everything happens for a reason.”

‘Tis The Season For Love ❤

5 more days until the hanging of stockings. I wish my Santa won’t be cheap this year. Hahaha I am just dropping by. I decided that I will be leaving a little realization every day until Christmas to talk about my learnings or just what I feel about. Also, taking a little bit break from all the work and stuff.

With the recent events, I’ve never been happy, motivated and excited in a very long time. I just wish that everyone is feeling the same thing that I do especially it’s Christmas season. No matter how cliché that sounds, ’tis the season for love, and we should all try to at least be happy and welcome the New Year with a good vibe. I know I wouldn’t have said it 3 years ago when I was feeling miserable and empty, but now I’m just very grateful it happened. It wasn’t exactly what I had been picturing when I was a kid on how I would be as an adult. It’s true, it has been a little bit bumpy on my journey—hell, most of the times, I was and still am just confused as to whether take a left or right—but no one ever claimed that life is a no-brainer. So there you go. I’m clinging to life as much as possible and making the most out of it. Haha I mean, I don’t know about making the most out of it for now. But I am at peace—at the moment, I guess—and I know a lot of people don’t have that, so I’m thankful.

Ho Ho Ho,

The Script in Manila

This post should have been made a month ago! I can’t believe how my life got so much hectic and drama these past few weeks that I forgot to share this major event happening. THE SCRIPT is coming in Manila in April 2018. The perfect time before I fly out of the country for good. I can’t think of a better last month ender here in the Philippines.

But the thing is, I can’t attend. Hahaha. As much as I BADLY want to, I can’t afford it really. I have already used my Christmas gift from my mom—and yes, it’s not even Christmas yet lol—and I’m sure my dad won’t be as generous as to give me money for some boy band. I mean, besides that no one really is willing to attend it with me. My friends are either not a die-hard fan or just didn’t care! *faints* Don’t worry, I may have long prepared myself to be calm and not be disappointed regarding this things. After all, there are worse thing than not being able to attend to one of my dream concerts. I have like major three dream concerts that I want to attend to ever since and The Script is one of them. This is so heartbreaking more than anything. It’s not even 2018 and I’m already dreading something for next year!

Oh well, life just gets more exciting and exciting for me. No, really. Despite how disappointed I may seem, it’s just a concert. I actually want to attend their concert in their homeland which is my dream country too. So, if this one isn’t meant for me maybe I should just stick and wait for my original plan to happen.


Catching Up With Old Friends

Yesterday was one of those days when I usually wake up late, work out and binge watch movies. So I decided to hit up my friends invite them for dinner or late night coffee. It was kind of spontaneous and I’m glad we were complete last night. We went to a restaurant where there was a nice view of the surroundings, chatted up a bit self update and a little more girl gossips. Last night was a very familiar and homey feeling with the girls. I hope to do more of these.


Rainy Day On A Tuesday

😭 I love days like this.

Last day of the month of October! Time is running to fast, don’t you think so?!

Today is the start of the three non-working holiday for the celebration of All Souls and All Saints Day. There’s no other perfect way to spend the first day of this holiday with a gloomy weather. I imagine people waking up to the sound of the rain with their messy hairs and a cup of coffee in their hand. It just feels so peaceful today. I can’t describe my love for the rain.

See, I was craving for Takoyaki so I decided to bring my siblings to my favorite Takoyaki place. We drove even though it was raining cats and dogs! My brothers are headed to my dad’s place anyway, so we had to eat first and they had to drop me off again. After my craving was satisfied, I didn’t exactly plan to stay in bed and sleep the day ’cause I wanted this day to be productive sort of, so I decided to play piano and master a piece. The last piece I memorized was the song Only Hope by Mandy Moore. I remember my two brothers got interested in playing piano because of that song. Ever since, they can’t stop playing piano and now they play it better than I do. But after a while, my fingers were feeling pretty sore already so I stopped.

It is already 1pm in the afternoon and I feel like the clock is ticking so fast. Probably because I’ve been busy up until I stopped playing the piano. What to do next now? I was thinking I could redesigned my whole blog. Or I could write on my diary notebook. Or maybe just watch a movie on Netflix but that would be ruining my productive day.

Tomorrow, my family and I will be heading to my grandma’s place to celebrate the holiday. Besides, all our loved ones were buried in that place so it’s just right to be there.

It’s so nice having this kind of weather, you know! It makes me feel kinds of sentiments. Or maybe…now that I think about it, the cuddle weather has come! I wish there was someone to cuddle with. Just kidding, my Pooh bear is enough to keep me company. But yes, my favorite has finally come. The time for wearing cute sweaters, sipping coffee while reading a book, giving gifts and receiving them, gosh just thinking about all those makes me excited. I had a pretty bad Christmas last year when I just came back from the USA because of the typhoon. Hopefully this year, may I have the best one. 🙂 I’ve babbled a lot now. Rain can do that to me.



Oh No, He Just Dropped The Bomb

I wasn’t sure if the world was conspiring against the last post I made, but someone just confessed feelings to me. It totally took me by surprise as we were talking about mundane topics when he suddenly jump into all seriousness. Confusion more than flattery was what I felt after he dropped the bomb. How could he just throw away what we have?? Was our current relationship not enough for him? It’s saddening, friend. I can probably just count my true friends in my two hands. I’m not saying anything has to change between us but I can’t act as if I heard nothing. At least, I am not someone who can act normal after confessions.

We’ll see.



As Friends or As Lovers?


In life, it’s seldom we found someone who gets us. Someone who we instantly love the moment we meet them. It’s such a rare occasion that when that certain person comes, we grab them and make sure they feel safe and loved. In most cases, people expect this to advance into some kind of romantic intimacy—which is ridiculous, really. On the other hand, it may lead to a long-life friendship. So let me throw a question, if you meet someone who really gets your vibe and interests in life, what kind of relationship would your inner-self choose to have with that someone—as a friend or a lover? It’s a tricky question, I know. The answer gets complicated the more you think about it. Ha.

My answer? I always go for friendship. But isn’t that always the case or mostly how it is for everyone? I mean, doesn’t a relationship begins at something before being lovers? And there’s nothing quite like how we, Millennials, deal with being in a ‘relationship’. There are even the so-called stages of relationship amongst 20-somethings that start out as being friends > talking stage > friends with benefits > hooking up > dating > exclusivity/to being lover. It’s one hella ride  for young people to be in love, nowadays. No wonder Millennials are tagged to be the worst generation and no doubt about how older generations are laughing at us right now.

Having a fair share of my being part of the Millennial generation, I’ve experienced this roller coaster ride of being in a relationship myself. The one thing I can say is it’s just not for me. I might have done it wrong but I’ve had enough for now. I’ll choose friendship over love not because it will be the safe choice but because I’ve been there done thatrelationship thing and now I know better than to risk any good friendship with love. I’m not saying I’m all closed door for finding love but it’s not something that I am expecting to come in my life anytime soon. Setting my mind to that note, it keeps me from jumping to conclusions and expecting to find love in every guy that I meet. At the same time, without the expectations of any kind, it lets me create a deeper connection with someone I truly find interesting. It’s like I don’t have to worry about being the perfect girl because who’s judging, right? 🙂 No one but a good friend of mine.

Lovers just take it to different level, you know? Sure, there’s no doubt about how colorful our lives when they are there. No one can actually make us feel the same way that they do to us. It’s magical and how we wish it would never end. But have you had any relationship with someone that it ended badly, but then you realize you were so good together as friends than lovers, that you wish you could turn back time and just be friends instead? It’s a shame, isn’t it? Makes you regret just enough to wish for things to go back to the way you were as friends. That’s why I’ll always choose friendship over love.

Some people ask me what if you could have found your true happiness with that someone, but you settled as friends so you ended up throwing away the one shot deal? Honestly, I’m not worried. I’ve never been worried about missing my chances at being happy with someone because I know it’s not something that I could never find in myself. I produce my own sunshine and happiness. We all do! It’s on me to share it to other people. I never needed someone to make me feel whole because I am complete whether someone is holding my hand or not.

So what I need is a friend who knows me well, who’ll understand my tantrums and deal with it. Someone I can laugh with and share my stories with. A friend who I can talk whatever with no boundaries whatsoever. A friend who can be my plus one in parties and get drunk with. One who’ll ask me to a slow dance even with a pop music playing. A guy my parents can be comfortable with. Just someone who gets me. I have always believed that two opposite genders can have a platonic relationship. Being anything more than friends is just another label. What matters is the strong foundation and relationship I have with that person. If it turns out that my best friend is the one, wouldn’t that be great?! But if not, a best friend for life is not a loss love at all.

Choose carefully. And learn to love yourself.



Word Prompt #7 Best Achievement

Word Prompt #7:

Best Achievement 🏆

I DON’T HAVE ANY BEST ACHIEVEMENT. LOL okay what can I talk about here…I guess the fact the I had traveled and visited great states in the United States while working on my own was something that I am proud of. For a year, it was like I was having my gap year. I was working, learning and earning! Now, I’m off to another adventure and hopefully the beginning of my career. I’ll be sharing my next agenda in a few months. 🙂


Word Prompt #2: This Month’s Aim

Word Prompt #2:

This Month’s Aim

Basically, one of my aims for this month is to successfully finish this 30-day word prompt. Another, I am finally starting my own vlog channel you guys! I can’t contain my excitement. I ordered the camera last week and it’s coming next week. So that’s another thing to look forward to this month: to get my hands on Canon G7 mark II. I really feel like I will do better in this vlogging thing because ever since I was a kid I have been capturing videos and editing them. I must have gotten this hobby from my dad. Hmm. One thing I got from him that I’m thankful. 👍🏻

And go subscribe to my YouTube channel! THANK YOU!!! MWA

Word Prompt #1: How I Got Into It

Word Prompt #1:

How I Got Into It

It started back in my first or second year of college. I was in this computer class that required us to create a personal blog to be submitted at the end of the semester. It made me curious more than annoyed since I already had my Tumblr blog back then. I settled for WordPress as my platform and been writing ever since. It wasn’t always easy to share my thoughts. I felt shy and exposed whenever I did. But I felt the satisfaction whenever I hit the publish button. Somehow, it releases a fraction of the burden inside me. And since then, I just open and write whenever I’m being drowned by emotions. I never thought I’d made this into a money-earning blog but just a personal one where anyone close or stranger could read it just cause they’d stumble upon it.

Before And After Me

I used to love going out like A LOT.  And by that I meant drinking til I’m passed out drunk, going home past 12am, doing hella crazy stuff or YOLO for short. People who know me back in college can easily pinpoint me as one of those gals who is down for anything crazy and illegal. I don’t do drugs or anything major like that but more subtle things like drunk driving or anything alcohol-involved. I wasn’t always like that though…

Back before I became so open-minded and liberal-kinda, I was this geek girl who was a KPOP, JPOP, Kdrama, Jdrama, anything international-language-that-you-can’t-even-pronounce drama fan. I was this student who participated in Sudoko challenges in school. I even joined the Rubik’s cube challenge back in college with no friends to support me because my interests were too odd for them. I lost in round one though, but it didn’t matter because I felt fulfilled trying my best. I WAS THAT SIMPLE GIRL. Literally. I remember in my first year of college, I only had four or five t-shirts and two pairs of pants to wear at school. Everything I had was oversized shirts except for this one blue- striped blouse that I bought before school started. I was wearing it every week it became impossible for every single one of my block mates to have missed. How’d I know? A few years later, one of them confessed she could still draw that blouse by heart. See? I was this home-to-school school-to-home girl. But then life got in the way and decided to revamped my life. I started hanging out after class more. I learned how to wear skinny jeans. I got conscious and decided that three cups of rice per meal was more than a mortal sin. Although, I allowed it on my menstrual periods because damn girl give me some slack! Thinking about it now, I did became another person. I didn’t realize it back then because I was too preoccupied with the changes happening to me. My mom got pretty upset of what was happening and then the confused little girl inside me threw a tantrum and did bad things. You know, usual stories about good girl gone bad.

When it became too much, I begged my mom to get me out of the country. I was then in the U.S. for a year. Got what I finally wanted and learned to love myself again. I found myself beginning to return to who I was before. Even though, I couldn’t be the perfect replica of my older version I can say I have improved a lot for the better. Despite all of the hardship, I am very thankful for the lessons and experiences. I wouldn’t be me now if it weren’t for those.

But then, I came home late last year and got pretty depressed for a couple of months. Maybe because reality hit me again. My indecisive self could not keep up with things. Nowadays, I don’t hang out with my friends because I feel like I’m lagging behind them. I feel we have this friendship gap probably because I was absent for a year or I’m not in the same stage as them anymore. Also, the usual family dramas keeps on hunting me everyday. It’s sad and it did get into me. I almost fell into my bad habits. Almost. Instead, I chose the path that I didn’t choose before. I dealt it with positivity. I very much thank God because every single time that I almost did something bad, something will happen that won’t made me do it. It wasn’t just once but many times. It’s as if a sign from the universe not to give in to temptations. And I’m very thankful for that. Thankful for the never ending support and guidance from my family and God.

Now, I feel better than I have felt in years. Not just temporary happiness that you feel when you bought a new toy and the next day you’re like meh but that peace you know is lingering inside you no matter what stroke of bad luck you may encounter. I know this may not last. Nothing is. But for now, I am choosing to embrace this and be better as long as I can. Who knows? I may be eating my words in a few months but for now I am just really happy I got to have the chance to feel light and at peace again.



Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

I saw this book recommendation in GoodReads the other day when I was searching for something worth reading and it didn’t disappoint me at all. In fact, I haven’t done a book-worth-to-post since after my reaction to Love, Rosie.

So this book is a compilation of poems about four things: the hurting, the loving, the breaking and the healing. If it kind of sounds familiar, you’re probably thinking of the works of Lang Leav. I’m a fan of both but I would say I could relate more to the work of Rupi Kaur from page one to the last one. And I like how some of the poems have their corresponding illustration which make it much deeper than it already is.

Why don’t I share with you some of my favorite poems included in Milk and Honey…

These are screenshots from my iBook. Here goes…


Right here is my favorite… 🙂