10.31.17

Rainy Day On A Tuesday

😭 I love days like this.

Last day of the month of October! Time is running to fast, don’t you think so?!

Today is the start of the three non-working holiday for the celebration of All Souls and All Saints Day. There’s no other perfect way to spend the first day of this holiday with a gloomy weather. I imagine people waking up to the sound of the rain with their messy hairs and a cup of coffee in their hand. It just feels so peaceful today. I can’t describe my love for the rain.

See, I was craving for Takoyaki so I decided to bring my siblings to my favorite Takoyaki place. We drove even though it was raining cats and dogs! My brothers are headed to my dad’s place anyway, so we had to eat first and they had to drop me off again. After my craving was satisfied, I didn’t exactly plan to stay in bed and sleep the day ’cause I wanted this day to be productive sort of, so I decided to play piano and master a piece. The last piece I memorized was the song Only Hope by Mandy Moore. I remember my two brothers got interested in playing piano because of that song. Ever since, they can’t stop playing piano and now they play it better than I do. But after a while, my fingers were feeling pretty sore already so I stopped.

It is already 1pm in the afternoon and I feel like the clock is ticking so fast. Probably because I’ve been busy up until I stopped playing the piano. What to do next now? I was thinking I could redesigned my whole blog. Or I could write on my diary notebook. Or maybe just watch a movie on Netflix but that would be ruining my productive day.

Tomorrow, my family and I will be heading to my grandma’s place to celebrate the holiday. Besides, all our loved ones were buried in that place so it’s just right to be there.

It’s so nice having this kind of weather, you know! It makes me feel kinds of sentiments. Or maybe…now that I think about it, the cuddle weather has come! I wish there was someone to cuddle with. Just kidding, my Pooh bear is enough to keep me company. But yes, my favorite has finally come. The time for wearing cute sweaters, sipping coffee while reading a book, giving gifts and receiving them, gosh just thinking about all those makes me excited. I had a pretty bad Christmas last year when I just came back from the USA because of the typhoon. Hopefully this year, may I have the best one. 🙂 I’ve babbled a lot now. Rain can do that to me.

Love,

As Friends or As Lovers?

In life, it’s seldom we found someone who gets us. Someone who we instantly love the moment we meet them. It’s such a rare occasion that when that certain person comes, we grab them and make sure they feel safe and loved. In most cases, people expect this to advance into some kind of romantic intimacy—which is ridiculous, really. On the other hand, it may lead to a long-life friendship. So let me throw a question, if you meet someone who really gets your vibe and interests in life, what kind of relationship would your inner-self choose to have with that someone—as a friend or a lover? It’s a tricky question, I know. The answer gets complicated the more you think about it. Ha.

My answer? I always go for friendship. But isn’t that always the case or mostly how it is for everyone? I mean, doesn’t a relationship begins at something before being lovers? And there’s nothing quite like how we, Millennials, deal with being in a ‘relationship’. There are even the so-called stages of relationship amongst 20-somethings that start out as being friends > talking stage > friends with benefits > hooking up > dating > exclusivity/to being lover. It’s one hella ride for young people to be in love, nowadays. No wonder Millennials are tagged to be the worst generation and no doubt about how older generations are laughing at us right now.

Having a fair share of my being part of the Millennial generation, I’ve experienced this roller coaster ride of being in a relationship myself. The one thing I can say is it’s just not for me. I might have done it wrong but I’ve had enough for now. I’ll choose friendship over love not because it will be the safe choice but because I’ve been there done thatrelationship thing and now I know better than to risk any good friendship with love. I’m not saying I’m all closed door for finding love but it’s not something that I am expecting to come in my life anytime soon. Setting my mind to that note, it keeps me from jumping to conclusions and expecting to find love in every guy that I meet. At the same time, without the expectations of any kind, it lets me create a deeper connection with someone I truly find interesting. It’s like I don’t have to worry about being the perfect girl because who’s judging, right? 🙂 No one but a good friend of mine.

Lovers just take it to different level, you know? Sure, there’s no doubt about how colorful our lives when they are there. No one can actually make us feel the same way that they do to us. It’s magical and how we wish it would never end. But have you had any relationship with someone that it ended badly, but then you realize you were so good together as friends than lovers, that you wish you could turn back time and just be friends instead? It’s a shame, isn’t it? Makes you regret just enough to wish for things to go back to the way you were as friends. That’s why I’ll always choose friendship over love.

Some people ask me what if you could have found your true happiness with that someone, but you settled as friends so you ended up throwing away the one shot deal? Honestly, I’m not worried. I’ve never been worried about missing my chances at being happy with someone because I know it’s not something that I could never find in myself. I produce my own sunshine and happiness. We all do! It’s on me to share it to other people. I never needed someone to make me feel whole because I am complete whether someone is holding my hand or not.

So what I need is a friend who knows me well, who’ll understand my tantrums and deal with it. Someone I can laugh with and share my stories with. A friend who I can talk whatever with no boundaries whatsoever. A friend who can be my plus one in parties and get drunk with. One who’ll ask me to a slow dance even with a pop music playing. A guy my parents can be comfortable with. Just someone who gets me. I have always believed that two opposite genders can have a platonic relationship. Being anything more than friends is just another label. What matters is the strong foundation and relationship I have with that person. If it turns out that my best friend is the one, wouldn’t that be great?! But if not, a best friend for life is not a loss love at all.

Choose carefully. And learn to love yourself.

xoxo,

Subscribe on my YouTube Channel1

100 SUBSCRIBERS IN YOUTUBE?! You guys are the best!!!!!

Last 4 months, I began being active in the YouTube community wherein I constantly post—is posting two videos in four months considered constant?—and actively comment on videos to sub on my channel haha. It gives me great joy to share my videos on the internet. Of course, there’s the hope of getting known duh, but nope it’s not my first priority. These past months, I have learned to love YouTube. I have been watching nonstop YouTube videos about almost anything but mostly about travel vlogs and tutorials on cinematic videos. I have also learned more stuff about editing and using transitions to enhance and to make sick edits lol oh yeah. I can’t explain how much excitement I feel when I edit or when I take videos of myself and other people. Even my friends now call me “vlogger”, I don’t exactly feel shy when I vlog around but I’m not totally confident yet. I haven’t even got past the point of being able to talk in front of the camera with my friends around. I mean I hate speaking in front of people I have the phobia and all but I just love the concept of vlogging that it makes it want to overcome that fear. Ever since I was kid, I have been recording through my phone and camera. I remember using Windows Movie Maker to compose a compilation of my photos and make it into a video with background music.

Anyway, I am planning to upload videos for as long as it gives me happiness. It’s actually quite fun and rewarding to be able to receive comments and love from people you don’t know! I feel like this is my one of my true hobbies in life. And I think I’m going to be doing this for a long time.

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Love,

7 Things I Miss About Living in the U.S.

For those who doesn’t know, I was fortunate enough to live abroad for about a year and a month for my internship. My placement was in Chicago and I had the best time ever in my life. But now that I am back in the Philippines, I can’t help but miss a few things. Actually, it’s a lot of things but I don’t think I have enough time to enumerate it all. 😅 So here are some:

Freedom

I was all alone for a year. No parents. No relatives. Sure, I got to talk to them via Skype for almost everyday but with the different timezones and whatnot, it’s just hard to keep up so there was no one telling me what to do and what time I should be going home. It was freeing since I haven’t really experienced NOT living with my parents before my internship. But when I came back and had to meet my friends after a long time, I was set with a curfew. I honestly can’t say I did not expect it coming but to be able to actually experienced it again was quite unbelievable. But really it’s not all about going out and stuff, it’s also about freedom to travel anywhere I wish and whomever I want. There’s also the freedom to make decisions on my own.

Winter Season

True to its name as the Windy City, Chicago’s wind can be very harsh especially to those from tropical countries like me. I remember my first day of work, I thought I was all covered good for the fall weather and went straight to open the door ready to go to work thinking the cold couldn’t be that bad but as soon as I stepped out of the door, I could hear the loud swishing of the wind. I was so wrong. I never felt so exposed in my life! The wind blew past my whole body as if I was not wearing anything. I immediately went back inside and gather my gloves, scarf and extra jacket. It was probably because I was still adjusting to the harsh weather, but still…poor me. I had to adjust for months for the cold weather. And just when my body was already settling in, I’m back again in my country experiencing heat wave everyday. I realize that if it’s cold, I can at least shield myself by wearing coats and hats and still feel okay but there’s no going around if it’s hot. Unless of course, you install an internal fan in your shirt.

Dating

I never was the kind of person open in dating other people but that was before I went to Chicago. The first time I decided to meet up with someone, I bought this draft beer at 711 and jugged the whole thing thirty minutes before the meet up. Why the beer? I can never do meet ups with strangers let alone talk with them SOBER. Reckless? Maybe. So yeah, we met at the train station near my office and since we were going the same direction, we rode the train together. The guy was slurring all the time it was so hard for me to make out on what he’s saying. I swear half the time I just nod whenever I felt like he’s done talking. I had an OKAY time and never called the guy again. Nevertheless, it was a first and nice experience I had. Back here, I don’t even dare open Tinder. Yucky. In fact, it seems like my sexual hormones has been shut off the moment I set my foot back in this country. It’s probably because Filipinos don’t interest me that much. I prefer getting to know someone from other places foreign to me. It’s lovely and exciting, for me. 🙂

Stress-free Life

I don’t mean to sound unfair and ungrateful, but with all the pre-exisiting family dramas plus my personal struggles mixing up, they just don’t add up to my list of reasons-to-look-forward-to-when-I-come-back-home/reasons-to-stay. Nu-uh.

The People

I’m not sure how to explain this without sounding bias. I’ve only been to other Asian countries but never outside the continent before and I can tell you people in the West are very genuine and nice, in general. Of course, I can’t say that much since I’ve only live there—particularly in Chicago—for a year. 🙄 But like honestly, people would open doors for you, even WOMEN would do that. Also, 7 out 10 people would randomly greet or smile at you. Back here if some stranger do that, one would be very skeptical and think maliciously already. It’s funny. And kind of unfair that I’m thinking so negatively for my people but it’s the naked truth.

No One Gives A Fuck

I may be the the type of girl who does not care of what she wears, most of the time. I do get conscious though, when there’s like an event or something—I think that’s only normal—but definitely besides those, I don’t care. As a foreigner, I was conscious at the way I dressed at first but actually you’d be surprise how people don’t give a fuck about what you’re wearing. They dress up however they want. A lot of times, I had encountered males and females having such out-of-this-planet type of colour in their hair and I just found fascinating that they weren’t conscious about it and wish I could have the courage to do something like that. But here in the Philippines, people are just naturally judgy especially women. How did I know that? Well, I may have been one of those women from time to time. Yeah, shame on me.

My Dream Lives Up In There

Finally, this feels like the main reason why I miss living abroad. I feel like ever since I got home, my life has been on pause. Of course, I know it’s not entirely true because everyday I deal with stuff that makes me grow as a person. Things such as being considered grown up therefore having much responsibilities than before, the realization that I am not the same person as I was before I left and things like that. I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy here but I really see myself working my way up somewhere else. That I could accomplish something for myself. But you know what? I don’t dream of being a president of some company. I don’t dream of owning a castle. Although I know I wasn’t born to just pay bills and die, I only want enough for me and my family for the present and the future. And I wish I could say that I could get it all here where I grew up and I probably could easily get it, but still no. It’s already very much tangled up that I’d rather start from the bottom somewhere else far than have everything but happiness. After all, happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road. And my map says the start of that journey is not here.

Yes, those are some that made the list of why I miss living in abroad. I may sound a little into living away home but that does not mean I hate it here. I love it mainly because I have my family here. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the country. Just so happens that I fell deeply in love in other places. So yes, I’m a girl who has such a big lust to get away and see the world.

Photo credits: Pictures taken from https://www.instagram.com/chicagobucketlist/ and Pinterest.com

SELF UPDATE 2.0.1.7

Hello!

Hmm..What’s a good topic to talk about today? How about the fact that we still don’t have electricity in our barangay for 18 days now since the typhoon? But who’s counting, right? Oh, right. I’M COUNTING THO! 😫

Well, to keep myself busy. I’ve enrolled myself to IELTS review class in my former school. So back to being student, I get up everyday and get my lazy bum to work its brain which has been difficult for me since I hate school ever since but I gotta do what I have to do so it’s been a pain the ass. Nevertheless, I’m glad I get to keep myself busy despite not having work and also learn more and improve my English LOLOLOLOL. I don’t think so hahaha blabla…Anyway, I’m just waiting around for this month to passed so that I can continue working on my application for himitsu. Hopefully, everything turns out okay for my upcoming exams. Although, I haven’t been reviewing that much, I hope I find the inspiration to work on it since the examination is just the around the corner. Regarding my plans to leave the Philippines again, there’s not much a solid plan for that yet it’s a work-in-progress atm but definitely will be back in USA or anywhere out of here again soon.

07.06.2015

I am totally nervous about something today. Definitely about something! Why would I be so bothered, right? Unless, it’s the coffee I drank this morning though I doubt that alone should make me feel this jitter.

Oh no, oh no, I need a break. 😖

Thoughts of a Tight-Lipped Girl

I called you today hoping to hear your voice but you didn’t pick-up the phone… I broke down crying ’cause I couldn’t take it no more.

I think about of getting lost but I just can’t make myself do it…too many people are giving me directions.

I thought they were permanent…but nothing is and that’s just sad.

I think about time and changes and friends…they don’t stop. Life doesn’t stop for anybody.

I imagine the things we did, the memories we made…and wonder if it’ll be the last time I’ll think about you.

Where were you? You said priorities…but damn if it was true.

My thoughts are eating me…that sometimes I wish I would forever live in them instead of harsh reality.

Wrong things happen when you trust and worry about the wrong people…and guess what? I was wrong about you.

‘Cheer up’ everybody said…if only it was easy as 123.

You don’t say it instead you do it…but I don’t know I’ve fallen to your words regardless.

I can’t wait to be happy again…and be me again.

I miss the old me, my old life, my old habits…I just miss the innocent me.

Do ya feel lucky, punk?…Luck can be good or bad. So which is which for me?

Those words…wonder if we meant it

Such a great day

Unpleasant Day

I’m feeling sad today. It’s like the feeling I had when I heard about the death of our former mayor Jessie Robedo, only worst.

This morning I woke up to find my dad panicking and hurrying to go outside. Just as I was about to ask, I heard the car engine roar and he’s gone. I asked my yaya what was it all about and she told me that Master Square got caught in fire. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I even thought she was shitting me. I mean I just woke up and that’s what I hear first thing in the morning. Uhuh not good.

If you’re wondering, Master Square is one of the remarkable establishment here in our town. It’s a supermart(?) and I’m positive almost everyone knows the place or have been already in it. The owners are family related to us so it affect us deeply.

I peeked outside the window and surely enough I saw black clouds of smoke from the distance and I’m pretty sure that’s where Master Square is located.

From what I heard, the fire started at 3am but the firefighters were so slow in corresponding that the fire got bigger which makes it harder to handle.

10:30 am and I’m on my way to my school which is just a walk away from the establishment. On my way, I saw firetrucks reloading water from the side of the streets. It’s what..7 hours then and there’s still fire?

I got a call from my dad and he told me he was with uncle (one of the owner) outside their building this morning watching the fire eat up the building. He said nothing was left even the bodega was ruined.

One of the worst feeling I think, is to see your own damn building or whatever it is that you’ve put your time and heart in be destroyed and you’re just there standing waiting for it to end because there’s nothing that you can do about it.

This is really sad. Everyone I know seems to care and it’s glad to know about it.

Anyways, who would have thought. Just last week, I bought something from MS and now…

Well everything happens for a reason, I believe. Let’s just pray for them especially for the people who just lost their jobs and the family affected.

Carry on, carry on!