I am fat today! No seriously, I am really getting fat! I am turning myself into something I don’t ever wanna be. HAHA. Anyway, things are a little bit getting okay. Though not saying completely okay bc I know how fucked up emotions can be. One minute you’re feeling awesome and cool and the next minute you’re begging yourself to that person. Ugh, I know. Maybe I am just being too much comfortable with the situation that’s why instead of getting pretty and slim I am drawn towards the opposite. Yeah, usually when something bad happens, I observed that I try to make myself feel better by dressing up and toning my body lol shut up I am sure you guys do the same thing. But not for me this time, my god I wish the aftereffect was me being transformed into a swan goddess instead of a pig ready for butcher. 😒
So not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.
First time to spend the night here at my dad’s and I don’t like it. I never like it in here but I got no choice goddamnit! Just why the hell am I here again?! 😥 Oh yeah, my dad’s going out of town tonight so he requested that my lil sis and I to stay the night. Pfffft. Just pfffft. Pffft. Pfffft. Pfffft. Pffft.
Since my dad’s gone, it’s only the four of us here. Me and my three siblings together. It’s been what, three months now since the last time we’ve lived together? I missed them so much. Tho we see each other occasionally, it’s still sad not living together. I mean we’ve lived our whole lives together and now that we don’t… is just a sad reality.
My mom’s alone in her apartment. Tho she’s not really alone ’cause lola is living there too but I mean you know, she’s gonna sleep alone in her bed. And thinking about that is not making me feel any better.
Also, someone just told me ‘stop’. You probably won’t understand anything about this but whatever. So yeah, someone just pressed the red signal on my face and I was like okay do whatever you want. Don’t get me wrong, I totally respect the decision because I believed I’m at fault somehow since I’m so not myself today and my mood triggered that decision maybe, whatever. But what irked me, was what was said to me next. Apparently, raising the red flag was my own fault because it was really what I wanted in the first place. I wanted to retort ’cause excuse me, it wasn’t me who raised the red flag NOW, why are you telling on my face that “let’s stop ’cause it really was what you wanted”. I mean it was your decision now, why pass the blame on me when clearly it was you who made the decision. At least, when I decided to stop I made it sure it was my decision and not some ‘it was what you wanted anyway’ kind of reason. Like go fuck yourself I don’t have the energy to fight for this. Alright. Let’s stop then.
Buuuuutthenagain, breather people. I’m okay now. I just needed to let these things out of my mind. I’m okay!!!! 😀
I was pissed. Nothing GOOD comes out of anger kaya kung ano ano nasabi ko. Hurtful words are said when we get caught up in the moment. Sorry.
I know there aren’t perfect ones here on earth. I also couldn’t judge them for what they are. They are just being who they are. But there are times that I couldn’t help it myself you know, like I’m a lioness in need to go out of its lair to release its rage and do the roaaaar!
I wanna shout in front of their faces and tell them that they’re not just right anymore or simply maybe a two word woud do, “FUCK OFF”. That whatever thing their doing has to stop.
I do know my limits and when I don’t, I know when to say sorry. I know how to act civil, atleast that’s what I thought I am.
My point is!! I don’t know!
I’ve been really frustrated with how things are going right now. Bullshit here and there. Fights here and there. Screams here and there. Disappointments everywhere!
Why can’t I just accept that these things happen? They’re part of what’s supposed to be my LIFE. Well, maybe I’ve had enough!! Maybe it’s time, I punch LIFE and live a life. That doesn’t make sense, right? I know.
I know! Because nothing in my life make sense right now! Like what the hell am I talking about?
Just go to hell!
Things are getting complicated and I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’ve never had this kind of dilemma in my life. Problems about family, friends, school and even myself. The hell, right?
Just hoping that all of this will end soon enough before I go bananas. Uhhh life!