Yet Another Day

Good evening to you Thursday,

You’ve been pretty harsh to me today. You held the promise of finally making me feel better after the last midterm, but why is it that even hours after I got home from school I still feel so drained out and stressed? I feel so stressed actually. It could be because of a lot of things namely studying, working and breathing. How to destress? Oshiete kudasai. It’s a lot to take in being an international student. Maybe it’s just me because my classmates seem to have a bit of a fun in classes every now and then. Should I give up? Should I just keep going, then? But what if it doesn’t make me happy anymore? I’m confused. Does it not make me happy because I didn’t want what I was studying or just because I didn’t get my midterm? Would I say I feel alright if I got the midterm, then? What the fuck? Another day, yet another drama from me as always. I wonder how grown-ups figure it all out? Maybe they haven’t really figure shit out, right? They just go with the flow with life and see how it well turns out for them. If it doesn’t, well no one lives eternally to deal with it anyway. I don’t even know what’s up. Tomorrow, tomorrow…I made plans for tomorrow. I have to go to work as well. It’s nice to be busy. It makes me keep out of my pointless thoughts such as this one I’m writing. I can’t wait for things to be better. Oh yeah, now I remember why I decided to write tonight in the first place. On my way home tonight, I remembered I was feeling very much at peace just months ago. I even wrote that feeling down here. Having that thought, I let out a sudden sigh and asked myself. “Where did that moment go?”. It was just here! Now it’s nowhere to be found LOL. GOD HELP ME. I actually feel a little bit demotivated in making videos. I just couldn’t bring myself to pretend that everything was alright when things are not. But I know I need to get myself together. Don’t be such a pussy is something I would tell a friend if this were this situation. So yes, no time to feel sulky. But then again, it’s all just talk. I really am sad and confused right now.

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It’s Gonna Get Better, But It’s Taking Forever

I must have been born sad. I can’t keep up with happiness! That feeling when I’m happy all day and suddenly out of nowhere sadness would wash all over my soul and there’s no stopping it. Is this normal? Sometimes, I wonder if I’m the only person who can experience this. Maybe I just love being sad so much? Is that even possible? Now that I think about it, I love being confined to a small space. Not that it matters to my point, but maybe it has something to do with that. Hmmm, maybe I really was born like this. Is there any way out of this? Don’t get me wrong. I love myself. I feel so blessed. I feel so loved. But I don’t like being sad like this. Not when I don’t know the reason behind my sudden change of mood. I know being sad is sometimes needed in our lives. But in my case, is this really healthy? Will this ever go away? Will this ever hinder me from my true happiness? What is true happiness really? Sigh. Too many questions drowning my head right now.

“In the end, I’m going to be all right” is a thought that I always hold onto. Some might say I’m living my life to the fullest. I am, actually. And I couldn’t be more grateful to everyone, especially God. But I think I’m entitled to feel sad at times and vent at something like this. It’s not like I go around and announce, “Hey, I’m sad. May you be sad as well!” No, not at all. For what it’s worth, I think I give an opposite vibe to everyone else. Well, except my sestra. Sestra knows me too well when there’s something wrong with me.

I missed writing. Glad to be able to talk to you guys again.

Hear The Great News!

Hello, everyone!

As you may know, I have been waiting for my visa decision to come. And it finally came last Thursday. I GOT APPROVAL OF MY STUDENT PERMIT IN CANADA! Wohoooo. The reason I didn’t post it as soon as I got the word is that I was too happy and emotional to do anything else besides BEING HAPPY lol. I literally shouted and cried when I heard the news. It was given to me by Ms. Karen, my visa coordinator.

The very next day I found out that I’m going to Canada, I bought a one-way ticket. I’ll be leaving next month. My summer term won’t start until the month of May, but I want to be able to adjust weeks before my class starts. Besides, I have to settle some things first like my social security number, bank account, and other important stuff.

I feel so blessed that this moment has finally come. I never actually thought about getting it in the first place, I guess, which I know is a total wrong mind set to have. But like I said, I had been down that road before of waiting and being rejected and I was just afraid of getting my hopes up ever again. But I got! I got it. I got it.
Thank you for those who never lose their faith in me. I love you all.

xoxo,

G

02.13.2018

Bonjour, ça va?

Today, today, today, today. Today, I opened the store and mom took the day off. I had a rough morning, to begin with! I ended up messing the computer server, so I had no choice but to call and ask for my mom’s help. I was losing it very much. Do you ever have times when everything just goes wrong and you’re not even lifting a finger to cause anything at all? Like the disaster just comes to you. I just had my freaking period, what could have been triggering me? And I’m eating a lot too, more than my usual.

A friend today even provoke the crap out of me and bitch I played it cool. I wouldn’t stoop lower just for you. On the other side of this thing, I’m actually glad I’m finally mad at this person. Like you know what? I’ve had enough of your bullshit. The magic is gone and I’m not about to make you make me feel any lesser now.

On a lighter note, the medical clinic I had been exchanging emails about my medical status had finally submitted my application to the embassy. I can’t believe it. This was what I had been hoping and waiting for, for the last 6 months, and now it has been done. Thank you, self, for being strong and believing in your own capability that you can go through it. And we did. I did it. Now, the only thing to wait for is the decision for my student permit. I have not been wanting to write something about my anticipation for the visa decision because I felt like in some ways, I was going to jinx it, but fuck it. I have been also researching about my future stay in Canada like my place to stay, part-time jobs, activities to do, and some basic stuff. But at the same time, this feels a little scary doing this because I’ve been on this road before. I had done my research and whatnot, only to be crushed by the news that I was sick. And so, as I am in this road again, I always, always begin with telling myself that if, for some reason, things could go wrong again, I should be mentally and emotionally be prepared about it.

You see, most of the time, in most things in life, it’s not a straight path at all. Most times, it’s a struggle between being an optimist and a realist. You can’t just stay positive and not think about all the possible negative outcomes that could happen. Likewise, you can’t just be dreading and hoping for the worst because the way of thoughts and the way of actions are two intertwined things in this universe. And so right now, I am all over the places. I see now that that’s probably the reason why I’m a walking ticking bomb lately. This is that final point where I know that either of two things in my life is about to happen. Either I chase my dream to Canada and have the life I want or I stay and make it work here. And I am not going to lie that as much as I stay positive and all that shit, I do think about the idea of not getting a yes on a student permit. Of course, I think about that all the time. I even get nights now where my late-night thoughts are consumed by this horrible possibility. It’s scaring the fuck out of me, okay? Forgive me for the outburst of profanities here.

On a much much happy note, today is my baby brother’s birthday! 🙂 He just turned 15, but he looks so grown up now. What is it with young kids looking and acting so mature at a young age? When I was at his age, I was proudly showing my flabs to my friends. But kids these days, they make out the majority of every gym spaces right now. I can’t even. Or I’m just getting old and starting to be one of those old people who constantly compare themselves to younger generations like, ugh kids these days don’t even talk in person but just plant their faces on their phones. Lol. But I am a proud ate with my siblings. They are the kinds of kids parents are praying for to have. So I will be closing the store early because we’ll be having a small family dinner.

This is a lengthy post now, I know. But on my defense, this is to make up for the days when I have such intense thoughts that I couldn’t even write what those are about. I just wanted to say more about how I’m hoping, really hoping for the best for me. And that is to get my student permit. I don’t want to let this opportunity pass and regret it for the rest of my life. It’s just that now that I am 22—the average age of a graduate student—I wanted to be able to start and focus on things, career-wise. And yes, it’s starting to dawn on me that I’m an adult now, that I have to be responsible for my own and start to take care of other people too. I’m glad that I have these options to choose from like having to study abroad and not be forced to work and be financially responsible for my family. For this, I am eternally blessed in more ways I could ever imagine. I pray that whatever the future holds, there would be guidance to walk me through this life.

Finally, I won’t be posting for another week or so. I will be celebrating this coming long weekend with my friends at La Union for 3 days. Should be one hella weekend. But I mean, it’s totally going to be a wholesome weekend getaway for me, since I’m not up for some wild nights. I don’t even drink anymore. I’m afraid I won’t really keep up with people having fun if I’m sober, so I definitely arranged my budget on food twice as high than I normally would because I would have to busy myself eating than be drinking mojitos.

Wow, you’ve made it this far?! Kudos to you. Thank you so much for reading my lengthy blog post. Leave a comment down below on what your plans for the upcoming long weekend or just about anything at all. I’d like to get to know my readers better. And I don’t bite. *wink*

salut à mes lecteurs

Glaire

12.03.17

A quick Sunday realization…

Today I wrote on my notebook diary and it was mostly an update about what happened the last few days. I was quite surprised to have found myself saying positive thoughts of life despite the hardship that I am facing. I like the person I have become over the last months and I wouldn’t certainly be in a good place if it weren’t for the unfortunate and fortunate circumstances that contribute to where I am right now. So, I am mostly grateful for the bad things that had happened to me over the past months bc it made me stronger and realize my worth. I just feel different this time, I don’t quite know how to explain it. Just that I like this present me than the old version of me.

For my readers, have a blessed Sunday and be grateful for today.

Liebster Award 🏆

I am so sorry this is a long overdue post!
Thank you again Tay for nominating me for the Liebster Award. I’m ecstatic to be nominated twice already. ☺️

The mechanics are different from my previous one but here’s how:


So here are the 11 questions for me:

1. What is your current favorite song?

I have a couple current fave songs but I’m choosing Middle by DJ Snake. 🙂

2. Who is your role model, and why?

Long live my grandma! She’s 81 now and she’s currently residing in Canada living by herself ever since she moved abroad since 26 or something. She lives simple and travels–sums up my goals.

3. What are 3 things you’re most likely to carry in your bag?

❥ Phone

❥ Credit card holder

❥ Swiss army knife (My true friends know about this😂)

4. Favorite dessert?

How about no, tha

5. Best place you’ve ever been to & why?

I would say Chicago. I’m living the dream right now and even though I know it’s just for a year, I could say that I’ve already achieved a big part of my dream.

6. Whats your favorite movie ? Cliche but ‘A Walk To Remember’. 😂

7. Your best memory from the past year?

Setting foot here in Chicago away from familiar people.

8. Where do you go when you want to be inspired?

Just somewhere quiet where I could be alone. Or just driving around while listening to chill music.

9. If you could do anything, absolutely anything, what would it be?

Travel. Travel. Travel. Nothing makes me more happy than that.

10. Where is your happy place?

My mom’s arms.

11. Last book you read?

Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard. Must read, btw!

About time for 11 random facts about me:

1️⃣ I used to not like pizza and burgers but ever since I came here in Chicago, there hasn’t been a week where I don’t eat one slice of pizza.

2️⃣ Kudo Shinichi is my soulmate.

3️⃣ I crossed my knees when I kneel down at church.

4️⃣ I prefer my coffee black and I love tea.

5️⃣ I let my baby sister call me ‘mommy’.

6️⃣ I am mesmerized by big butts. Lol.

7️⃣ Online shopping is my current addiction.

8️⃣ I love birthdays and surprises.

9️⃣ I have like 4 or 5 more blogs beside this 😂

🔟 I do crochets.

1️⃣1️⃣ I used to care a lot about people but now idk meh

Bloggers Nominees:

💋 Lyka

💋 Sheena

💋 Jamie

💋 Joy

💋Claire

💋 Angelica

💋 Joyce

11 questions for you ladies: (you can skip)

1. What is your biggest fear?

2. What is your greatest achievement so far?

3. Mommy or daddy’s girl?

4. Beer/Tequila/Whiskey or Wine?

5. Kinky or vanilla kinda girl?

6. Would you rather be in a beach or in a winter wonderland right now?

7. Do you have the one that got away?

8. What inspires you to write?

9. Best thing that you have right now?

10. Fill: I miss the/those time/times when _______.

11. Do you ever write something and then the next day you read it and you’re like eck this isn’t me and delete it afterwards? Lol

That’s it for me.

Your turn, babes! Have fun and just try to answer what comes first in your mind 🙂 

xo

Ask me 

Hello everyone! Saw this one on FB from berlin-artparasites. I love answering stuff like these cause it’s just a matter of yes or no😅 so here we go:

50 questions

1: What would you name your future daughter? A kid, really? Nah, I haven’t thought about it. 😩

2: Do you miss anyone? I do miss someone. 😟

3: What if I told you that you were pretty? Why thank you so much! I’m flattered.☺️

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? Err…yes.

5: What are you looking forward to in the next week? Peñafrancia Fiesta. 

6: Did you go out or stay in last night? Go out

7: How late did you stay up last night? 11pm

8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? Yuh-uh.

9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? Binge eating.

10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? Yes, when I was a kid.😂😰😖

11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? No. 😒

12: Have you pretended to like someone? Yes.

13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? Yes.

14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Yes.

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone? I say…very much. 

16: Think back five months ago, were you single? Yes.

17: Have you ever cried from being so mad? Yeah.

18: Hold hands with anyone this week? Nope.

19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? NU-UH.

20: Who did you last see in person? Shobe. 

21: What is the last thing you said out lot? I don’t remeber lol

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night? No.

23: Have you ever been to Paris? Not interested.

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings? Try me.

25: Do you use chap stick? Nah.

26: Who did you last share a bed with? Shobe.

27: Are you listening to music right now? No.

28: What is something you currently want right now? Leave my country.

29: Were your last three kisses from the same person? Yes.

30: How is your heart lately? Malfunctioning.

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? Of course.

32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? Oh.

33: What do people call you? Glaire.

34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? Always.

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life? WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

36: What are you listening to right now? People chattering. 

37: What is wrong with you right now? Everything

38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh? You think?

39: Do you make wishes at 11:11? YES

40: What is on your wrists right now? Surprisingly, nothing.

41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected? Heartbroken

42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? Local shop

43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? YES.

44: Have you hugged someone within the last week? I have. 

45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? Nope.

46: What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping

47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? Every damn time

48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone

49: Have you ever been to New York? Now, that’s an interesting place.

50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? I hope so.
painting by David Hockney

Answer Me Boldly

You are in high school.
You dropped out of high school.
You live within 20 minutes of your best friend.
You don’t have a best friend.
You live within 20 minutes of the last person you kissed.
You live within 20 minutes of your ex.
You have hugged someone in the last 48 hours.
You have been to the movies within the last week.
You have had 3 or more boyfriends/girlfriends just this year.
You have been a designated driver.
You have broken merchandise and not paid for it.
You have played strip poker.
You are Catholic.
You are atheist.
You recycle regularly.
You are a brunette.
You have dated a blonde.
You are friends with a redhead.

You are taller than your mum.

You are taller than your dad.
You have a bank account.
You’ve written a check for less than $5.
You have visited the Statue of Liberty.
You have visited the Eiffel Tower. You have visited Big Ben.
You have visited the Colosseum. You have visited The Great Wall of China.
You have never been out of the country.
You have been a waiter/waitress.
You own a Bible.
You own something with a Pentagram on it.
You have used a Ouija Board.
You have been a witch for Halloween.
You have been a zombie for Halloween.
You have your eyebrow pierced. You have a Monroe piercing.
You have your nose pierced.
You have no tattoos. 
You have more than 2 tattoos.
You straighten your hair occasionally.
You have worn a dress in the last 3 days.
You live somewhere that gets snow.
You celebrate Hanukkah.
You were at your own house last New Year’s.
You were at a bar last New Year’s. You slept through last New Year’s. You have worked on Christmas Eve.
You have worked on Christmas. You have been told ‘I love you’ by someone today.
You were told by someone who’s not family.
You slept in your own bed last night. 
You regret kissing the last person you kissed. (he was a real jerk though)
You are wearing a necklace right now.
You are wearing something red. You are wearing something blue. You are wearing something purple. Your phone number ends with an even number.
You have kissed the last person you called/texted.
You are currently listening to music.
You are waiting for something. You don’t like seafood.
You have eaten deer sausage.
You have given a complete stranger your phone number.
You have been hit on at work.
You have been hit on by someone more than 20 years older than you. You have been whistled at.
You were creeped out by it.
You are a good speller.
You are very punctual.
You were dating someone in December of 2008.
You are still dating that person. You have cheated on someone.

You have been on a cruise ship. You have camped out in your own backyard.
You are wearing something that doesn’t belong to you.
You are a Pisces.
You are an Aquarius.
You are a Leo.
You wonder what will happen when you die.
You are afraid of the dark.
You write in all capital letters.
You have been told you have nice handwriting.
You have had a song written for you.
You have had a picture drawn of you.
You have curly/wavy hair.
You are wearing a watch.
You are wearing flip flops.
You wouldn’t date someone who smoked.
You know someone with the same birthday as you.
You are a morning person.
You are a night owl.
You slept in past 10 am today.
You have big plans for next weekend.
You are thinking of someone right now. 
Your job is stressing you out.
You don’t have a job.
You have never had a job.
You were fired from your last job.
You know sign language.
You will usually try something at least once. 
You have been swimming in the last month.
You are pessimistic by nature.
You have taken a ballet class.
You have taken karate.
You have taken gymnastics.
You wish on shooting stars.
You wish at 11:11.
Your birthday has already come this year. 
You have been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year.
You aren’t over your ex.
You have gone after someone you knew was bad for you.
You have let someone use you. You were/are a teenage mom.
You are an otaku.
You are a cosplayer.
You were named after someone. You like your name. 
Your last drink was water.
You have visited somewhere said to be ‘haunted’.
You have skipped school just because you didn’t feel like going. You have taken medicine when you ‘feel a headache coming on’.
You are self-conscious about your body. 
You have a hangover.
You have a pet fish.
You have had a Jehovah’s Witness show up at your house.
You have godparents.
Your parents are still married.
You have step-siblings.
You are the oldest.
You are adopted.
You have a triplet.
You don’t want kids.
You want more than four kids.
You have a bad temper. 
You have made out with a complete stranger.
You usually make the first move in an intimate situation.
You have broken your arm.
You have had to get stitches on your face.
You have had an MRI.
Your fingernails are painted.
You like to draw.
You like to sing.
You can play an instrument. 
You keep a lot of secrets from people. 
You don’t think people would accept you if they really got to know you.
You don’t trust people easily.
You borrowed something you really need to give back to someone.
You drive a car older than a 2002.
You have lost a friend you never thought you would. 
You know a child who died of cancer.
You know a teenager who died in a car wreck.
You have done something illegal in the past 24 hours.
You have cut your hair in the last week.
You wear glasses. (only for long distance) 
Your favorite season is Autumn. Your favorite color is orange.
Your favorite animal is a dolphin.
You last rode in a car with a relative. 
You last rode in a car with a girl/woman.
You last rode in a car with the person you are dating.
You regularly watch Asian dramas.
You love Chinese food.
Your best friend is older than you.
You have to go to school/work tomorrow.
You answered every question truthfully.