Experience, Friends, Happy Thoughts

Before And After Me

I used to love going out like A LOT.  And by that I meant drinking til I’m passed out drunk, going home past 12am, doing hella crazy stuff or YOLO for short. People who know me back in college can easily pinpoint me as one of those gals who is down for anything crazy and illegal. I don’t do drugs or anything major like that but more subtle things like drunk driving or anything alcohol-involved. I wasn’t always like that though…

Back before I became so open-minded and liberal-kinda, I was this geek girl who was a KPOP, JPOP, Kdrama, Jdrama, anything international-language-that-you-can’t-even-pronounce drama fan. I was this student who participated in Sudoko challenges in school. I even joined the Rubik’s cube challenge back in college with no friends to support me because my interests were too odd for them. I lost in round one though, but it didn’t matter because I felt fulfilled trying my best. I WAS THAT SIMPLE GIRL. Literally. I remember in my first year of college, I only had four or five t-shirts and two pairs of pants to wear at school. Everything I had was oversized shirts except for this one blue- striped blouse that I bought before school started. I was wearing it every week it became impossible for every single one of my block mates to have missed. How’d I know? A few years later, one of them confessed she could still draw that blouse by heart. See? I was this home-to-school school-to-home girl. But then life got in the way and decided to revamped my life. I started hanging out after class more. I learned how to wear skinny jeans. I got conscious and decided that three cups of rice per meal was more than a mortal sin. Although, I allowed it on my menstrual periods because damn girl give me some slack! Thinking about it now, I did became another person. I didn’t realize it back then because I was too preoccupied with the changes happening to me. My mom got pretty upset of what was happening and then the confused little girl inside me threw a tantrum and did bad things. You know, usual stories about good girl gone bad.

When it became too much, I begged my mom to get me out of the country. I was then in the U.S. for a year. Got what I finally wanted and learned to love myself again. I found myself beginning to return to who I was before. Even though, I couldn’t be the perfect replica of my older version I can say I have improved a lot for the better. Despite all of the hardship, I am very thankful for the lessons and experiences. I wouldn’t be me now if it weren’t for those.

But then, I came home late last year and got pretty depressed for a couple of months. Maybe because reality hit me again. My indecisive self could not keep up with things. Nowadays, I don’t hang out with my friends because I feel like I’m lagging behind them. I feel we have this friendship gap probably because I was absent for a year or I’m not in the same stage as them anymore. Also, the usual family dramas keeps on hunting me everyday. It’s sad and it did get into me. I almost fell into my bad habits. Almost. Instead, I chose the path that I didn’t choose before. I dealt it with positivity. I very much thank God because every single time that I almost did something bad, something will happen that won’t made me do it. It wasn’t just once but many times. It’s as if a sign from the universe not to give in to temptations. And I’m very thankful for that. Thankful for the never ending support and guidance from my family and God.

Now, I feel better than I have felt in years. Not just temporary happiness that you feel when you bought a new toy and the next day you’re like meh but that peace you know is lingering inside you no matter what stroke of bad luck you may encounter. I know this may not last. Nothing is. But for now, I am choosing to embrace this and be better as long as I can. Who knows? I may be eating my words in a few months but for now I am just really happy I got to have the chance to feel light and at peace again.

Xoxo,

G

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Chicago Diaries

7 Things I Miss About Living in the U.S.

For those who doesn’t know, I was fortunate enough to live abroad for about a year and a month for my internship. My placement was in Chicago and I had the best time ever in my life. But now that I am back in the Philippines, I can’t help but miss a few things. Actually, it’s a lot of things but I don’t think I have enough time to enumerate it all. 😅 So here are some:

Freedom

I was all alone for a year. No parents. No relatives. Sure, I got to talk to them via Skype for almost everyday but with the different timezones and whatnot, it’s just hard to keep up so there was no one telling me what to do and what time I should be going home. It was freeing since I haven’t really experienced NOT living with my parents before my internship. But when I came back and had to meet my friends after a long time,  I was set with a curfew. I honestly can’t say I did not expect it coming but to be able to actually experienced it again was quite unbelievable. But really it’s not all about going out and stuff, it’s also about freedom to travel anywhere I wish and whomever I want. There’s also the freedom to make decisions on my own.

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Winter Season

True to its name as the Windy City, Chicago’s wind can be very harsh especially to those from tropical countries like me. I remember my first day of work, I thought I was all covered good for the fall weather and went straight to open the door ready to go to work thinking the cold couldn’t be that bad but as soon as I stepped out of the door, I could hear the loud swishing of the wind. I was so wrong. I never felt so exposed in my life! The wind blew past my whole body as if I was not wearing anything. I immediately went back inside and gather my gloves, scarf and extra jacket. It was probably because I was still adjusting to the harsh weather, but still…poor me. I had to adjust for months for the cold weather. And just when my body was already settling in, I’m back again in my country experiencing heat wave everyday. I realize that if it’s cold, I can at least shield myself by wearing coats and hats and still feel okay but there’s no going around if it’s hot. Unless of course, you install an internal fan in your shirt.

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Dating

I never was the kind of person open in dating other people but that was before I went to Chicago. The first time I decided to meet up with someone, I bought this draft beer at 711 and jugged the whole thing thirty minutes before the meet up. Why the beer? I can never do meet ups with strangers let alone talk with them SOBER. Reckless? Maybe. So yeah, we met at the train station near my office and since we were going the same direction, we rode the train together. The guy was slurring all the time it was so hard for me to make out on what he’s saying. I swear half the time I just nod whenever I felt like he’s done talking. I had an OKAY time and never called the guy again. Nevertheless, it was a first and nice experience I had. Back here, I don’t even dare open Tinder. Yucky. In fact, it seems like my sexual hormones has been shut off the moment I set my foot back in this country. It’s probably because Filipinos don’t interest me that much. I prefer getting to know someone from other places foreign to me. It’s lovely and exciting, for me. 🙂

Stress-free Life

I don’t mean to sound unfair and ungrateful, but with all the pre-exisiting family dramas plus my personal struggles mixing up, they just don’t add up to my list of reasons-to-look-forward-to-when-I-come-back-home/reasons-to-stay. Nu-uh.

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The People

I’m not sure how to explain this without sounding bias. I’ve only been to other Asian countries but never outside the continent before and I can tell you people in the West are very genuine and nice, in general. Of course, I can’t say that much since I’ve only live there—particularly in Chicago—for a year.  🙄 But like honestly, people would open doors for you, even WOMEN would do that. Also, 7 out 10 people would randomly greet or smile at you. Back here if some stranger do that, one would be very skeptical and think maliciously already. It’s funny. And kind of unfair that I’m thinking so negatively for my people but it’s the naked truth.

No One Gives A Fuck

I may be the the type of girl who does not care of what she wears, most of the time. I do get conscious though, when there’s like an event or something—I think that’s only normal—but definitely besides those, I don’t care. As a foreigner, I was conscious at the way I dressed at first but actually you’d be surprise how people don’t give a fuck about what you’re wearing. They dress up however they want. A lot of times, I had encountered males and females having such out-of-this-planet type of colour in their hair and I just found fascinating that they weren’t conscious about it and wish I could have the courage to do something like that. But here in the Philippines, people are just naturally judgy especially women. How did I know that? Well, I may have been one of those women from time to time. Yeah, shame on me.

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My Dream Lives Up In There

Finally, this feels like the main reason why I miss living abroad. I feel like ever since I got home, my life has been on pause. Of course, I know it’s not entirely true because everyday I deal with stuff that makes me grow as a person. Things such as being considered grown up therefore having much responsibilities than before, the realization that I am not the same person as I was before I left and things like that. I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy here but I really see myself working my way up somewhere else. That I could accomplish something for myself. But you know what? I don’t dream of being a president of some company. I don’t dream of owning a castle. Although I know I wasn’t born to just pay bills and die, I only want enough for me and my family for the present and the future. And I wish I could say that I could get it all here where I grew up and I probably could easily get it, but still no. It’s already very much tangled up that I’d rather start from the bottom somewhere else far than have everything but happiness. After all, happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road. And my map says the start of that journey is not here.

Yes, those are some that made the list of why I miss living in abroad. I may sound a little into living away home but that does not mean I hate it here. I love it mainly because I have my family here. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the country. Just so happens that I fell deeply in love in other places. So yes, I’m a girl who has such a big lust to get away and see the world.

Photo credits: Pictures taken from https://www.instagram.com/chicagobucketlist/ and Pinterest.com

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Chicago Diaries

Bday Wishes

It was Kumpi’s birthday yesterday. I honestly thought it wasn’t until next month but turned out he needed to greet himself during our conversation as a reminder. Embarrassing. So Kumpi is one of my found friends in Chicago. We had the best time or rather I had the best time whenever we’re together on weekends or whenever. He was my concert buddy during Colbie Calliat’s tour in Chicago. Even though admittedly, he was kind of like half asleep during the whole thing because he found the songs real dull. Then during one of Colbie’s dreamy songs, he just looked at me and I was like dude what and told me he’d do anything this boring if it would me make this happy. Aww. He was the one who dragged me all the way to see the great Niagara Falls. Man, it was magical—both the scenery and the fact that I was with him. We also went to New York City. He had his class nearby and I tagged along and got the chance to walked in my heels—which was kind of a bad idea in the first place— around the city that never sleeps. Anyway, this guy tops everyone I met in Chicago. He is such a responsible guy and I thank him for being sober for so many night outs that we’ve had just so he could take care of my drunken ass every time. I even remember giving him a hard time one night because I was talking non-stop and I know I was starting to get on his nerve. What can I say, I was being such a girl. I love how driven he is in his career that he inspires me to be the better version of me in some ways. I like how casual things are with us, it’s like I don’t even have to make an effort to stand out when I’m with him because he doesn’t mind those things and I also am not the kind of person to change myself just for the other person. So now, I only wish for him to finally get the job and stability that he has so long been working for. I wish that I could have him as a friend for as long as it’s possible. Someday, I hope our paths will cross again because you know…you haven’t even tried eating balot. I know how badly you want to try it. Don’t worry! You’ll have your chance, Meanie.

Love,

Fats

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Everyday, Experience

I’ve Been Told I’m A Good Girl

What does it mean when someone says you are a good person? Does it mean you are likeable? Smart? Kind? Nice? When good is being used as the generic term for almost everything that is not bad, it gets to the point that it is confusing sometimes.

Recently, I was told I was a good girl. I believe the reason for that comment was I refused to go out at night saying I have a curfew so the only time I can go out is during daytime. After that comment, it got me thinking how is it true that I’m such a good girl? How was I a good girl? Did I somehow pass that person’s certain criteria as “good”, or what? But most of all, why am I even doubting that remark in the first place? Is it probably because I reject the notion that I am a good girl, after all? 😂 I’m not sure where this is leading but those are some intriguing ideas that I have.

Just wanted to point that I do consider myself as a good person;I share my blessings with other people;I pray;I love my family dearly. However, I am also aware of the evil side that I have. Not only to say that it is normal for every person to have, but I personally think one can only take so much shit in this world that the only outlet that one can have is to respond in such an awful comeback. It’s the honest truth and you know it. Despite the harsh reality though, I try to show heavenly kindness as much as I can with everyone else since I can never know what a person has been through for him/her to act that way. But that’s just me.

It would also depend on like what situation I am in. I know that there are circumstances that bring out the evil side in me and during that time is when my patience is really tested. So yeah, I’m pretty much like everyone else. Sometimes, dressed up as an angel but probably most of the time, more comfortable playing Satan’s role.

Generally, it’s so easy to just identify someone as good. Good being such a basic word nowadays that we tend to look or ask for more when we are given this as an answer. What do you mean good? Is she pretty? Boring? or Okay? Tell me something more! 

I guess my point is, the term good doesn’t even cover a tad bit of the description of my whole personality. For me, I find it  overused that it  is starting to sound meaningless, invalid and useless when it comes to how people respond to things. Not to be hypocrite, but I find myself using that word a lot too. Like when someone asks me how my day was, my to-go answer would be ‘good!’ if not ‘great’. How is it like that?  I can’t blame those people who use ‘good’ as a response though. They are probably not interested or lazy to come up with a more sensible word, just like me.

Ciao!

Love, G.

 

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Family, Love, Summer

Summer Plans

I swear. I wanted to like write a meaningful post but whenever I open my WordPress blog to write something, every idea just goes out of my mind. A little update then to tell you about my recent activities…I have done my two exams which was the GRE and IELTS. Both results were good, thank goodness or else all my late night sleeps for studying(lol who am I kidding!) would have been for nothing. As soon as the results came in, I started submitting my application for schools and so far I’m still waiting for some documents to be sent for the completion of my application. While waiting though, I do busy myself by helping my dad in his business and playing ‘salimpusa’—a friendly reference to someone joining in an activity, despite not really being a full-fledged member of the groupin his company. So yeah I figured it’s better than doing nothing.

Also, what else?

*literally took a whole minute to think*

Oh, so like last month, I already booked for two vacations for this coming summer. For April, we’re going to Boracay for a week. I guess, it’s been a really long time like almost 8 years since the last time we’ve visited and I bet the algae situation there has worsened, yuck. Not to mention, the heat that we are going to experience. Sometimes, during lunch I can barely take the heat then I remember we’re going to spend a week in the beach and I am like oh my god who’s decision is it to stay there a whole week?! For the month of May, we’re spending a 10-day vacation at South Korea which during that season is Spring so the weather is just perfect, actually. All of these trip agenda were prepared by yours truly and by that I meant the airline bookings, hotels, itineraries, budgets, visa and literally everythaaaang. Despite having those in my hands, it actually makes me really thankful that I’m busy. I can’t really afford to think of any other things right now.

Summer is coming but like my body is still in winter wonderland. It’s still hibernating that diet is not in my dictionary at the moment. Honestly, even my mom and brothers are getting real conscious because of how they eat recently. I don’t know why but it’s just too hard to watch our diet. Haha it’s funny ’cause like once in a while someone will blurt out while we’re pigging out—”I can’t keep on eating, there’s barely even months before we go to a beach”. 😹 Nevertheless, we eat and eat. 🙂 Anyho, that’s all for now. Mwa!

-GLAIRE

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Everyday

SELF UPDATE 2.0.1.7

Hello!

Hmm..What’s a good topic to talk about today? How about the fact that we still don’t have electricity in our barangay for 18 days now since the typhoon? But who’s counting, right? Oh, right. I’M COUNTING THO! 😫

Well, to keep myself busy. I’ve enrolled myself to IELTS review class in my former school. So back to being student, I get up everyday and get my lazy bum to work its brain which has been difficult for me since I hate school ever since but I gotta do what I have to do so it’s been a pain the ass. Nevertheless, I’m glad I get to keep myself busy despite not having work and also learn more and improve my English LOLOLOLOL. I don’t think so hahaha blabla…Anyway, I’m just waiting around for this month to passed so that I can continue working on my application for himitsu. Hopefully, everything turns out okay for my upcoming exams. Although, I haven’t been reviewing that much, I hope I find the inspiration to work on it since the examination is just the around the corner. Regarding my plans to leave the Philippines again, there’s not much a solid plan for that yet it’s a work-in-progress atm but definitely will be back in USA or anywhere out of here again soon.

 

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Chicago Diaries, Family, Friends

I am Home! 🇵🇭

It’s been exactly two weeks…

Two weeks since I left the U.S. and arrived home. My mom and two siblings picked me up at the airport. I saw mom first and as soon as I did I cried her name not caring that we’re in the crowd! She did not change at all—same petite and small woman hugged me. We both went straight to the van waiting for us and I was greeted by my cutesy not so little sister at the door! Aww. So cute! She was standing right there with open arms while squealing mommy. I swear that was the moment that I had been waiting for so long. My brother, on the other hand, was sleeping at the back seat but was soon woken up by our noises. He looks chubby now. I guess college could really do that to anyone like it did to me. 😝

It was midnight by the time we reached at my brother’s dormitory so everyone just kind of fell asleep as soon we got settled. The next day, we left Manila and traveled to Bicol. 😁

I welcome myself to Maogmang Lugar! The town was bigger the last time I remember but now everything just looks different. It could be because of the new infrastructures and I couldn’t help but noticed there are a lot of cars! Like I mean, I am sure it wasn’t these much when I left but now it’s crazy! Imagine living in such a small town with so many cars 😓 CONGESTED TRAFFIC EVERYWHERE! Huhu

I visited my relatives and friends within the first week of my arrival and it was good to see them. 😺 Although it’s just been a year, I can say my little sister missed me the most! I spent most of my time now with her. I am her personal driver; I drop her off to school and pick her up. She just can’t be left without me by her side anymore!

My mom has been very sweet about everything. I really felt and still feel very welcome like I had been gone for so long. I feel like the son who returned in the story “The Prodigal Son”. She made sure that I have a new bed, curtains, shelves and other funny things that I don’t think are necessary 😹 Sweetest mother living on earth!

But still, I can’t wait to be back again in abroad. I just miss it, you know. I miss Chicago, my friends, Kumpi and I never though I would say this but I miss the cold weather. 🙁 And both of my parents are just supportive of me going back again and do whatever I want. This just makes me feel so blessed despite everything that’s been going on around. It’s like I have a total complete free will and all I got to do is move and decide—which I haven’t started doing yet. But like my mom said, one step at a time. After all, all I have right now is time. 

Oh well… We’ll see, won’t we? 😉

For now, I am enjoying my stay here and making the most out of it!

Adios!

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