As Friends or As Lovers?

In life, it’s seldom we found someone who gets us. Someone who we instantly love the moment we meet them. It’s such a rare occasion that when that certain person comes, we grab them and make sure they feel safe and loved. In most cases, people expect this to advance into some kind of romantic intimacy—which is ridiculous, really. On the other hand, it may lead to a long-life friendship. So let me throw a question, if you meet someone who really gets your vibe and interests in life, what kind of relationship would your inner-self choose to have with that someone—as a friend or a lover? It’s a tricky question, I know. The answer gets complicated the more you think about it. Ha.

My answer? I always go for friendship. But isn’t that always the case or mostly how it is for everyone? I mean, doesn’t a relationship begins at something before being lovers? And there’s nothing quite like how we, Millennials, deal with being in a ‘relationship’. There are even the so-called stages of relationship amongst 20-somethings that start out as being friends > talking stage > friends with benefits > hooking up > dating > exclusivity/to being lover. It’s one hella ride for young people to be in love, nowadays. No wonder Millennials are tagged to be the worst generation and no doubt about how older generations are laughing at us right now.

Having a fair share of my being part of the Millennial generation, I’ve experienced this roller coaster ride of being in a relationship myself. The one thing I can say is it’s just not for me. I might have done it wrong but I’ve had enough for now. I’ll choose friendship over love not because it will be the safe choice but because I’ve been there done thatrelationship thing and now I know better than to risk any good friendship with love. I’m not saying I’m all closed door for finding love but it’s not something that I am expecting to come in my life anytime soon. Setting my mind to that note, it keeps me from jumping to conclusions and expecting to find love in every guy that I meet. At the same time, without the expectations of any kind, it lets me create a deeper connection with someone I truly find interesting. It’s like I don’t have to worry about being the perfect girl because who’s judging, right? 🙂 No one but a good friend of mine.

Lovers just take it to different level, you know? Sure, there’s no doubt about how colorful our lives when they are there. No one can actually make us feel the same way that they do to us. It’s magical and how we wish it would never end. But have you had any relationship with someone that it ended badly, but then you realize you were so good together as friends than lovers, that you wish you could turn back time and just be friends instead? It’s a shame, isn’t it? Makes you regret just enough to wish for things to go back to the way you were as friends. That’s why I’ll always choose friendship over love.

Some people ask me what if you could have found your true happiness with that someone, but you settled as friends so you ended up throwing away the one shot deal? Honestly, I’m not worried. I’ve never been worried about missing my chances at being happy with someone because I know it’s not something that I could never find in myself. I produce my own sunshine and happiness. We all do! It’s on me to share it to other people. I never needed someone to make me feel whole because I am complete whether someone is holding my hand or not.

So what I need is a friend who knows me well, who’ll understand my tantrums and deal with it. Someone I can laugh with and share my stories with. A friend who I can talk whatever with no boundaries whatsoever. A friend who can be my plus one in parties and get drunk with. One who’ll ask me to a slow dance even with a pop music playing. A guy my parents can be comfortable with. Just someone who gets me. I have always believed that two opposite genders can have a platonic relationship. Being anything more than friends is just another label. What matters is the strong foundation and relationship I have with that person. If it turns out that my best friend is the one, wouldn’t that be great?! But if not, a best friend for life is not a loss love at all.

Choose carefully. And learn to love yourself.

xoxo,

Subscribe on my YouTube Channel1

100 SUBSCRIBERS IN YOUTUBE?! You guys are the best!!!!!

Last 4 months, I began being active in the YouTube community wherein I constantly post—is posting two videos in four months considered constant?—and actively comment on videos to sub on my channel haha. It gives me great joy to share my videos on the internet. Of course, there’s the hope of getting known duh, but nope it’s not my first priority. These past months, I have learned to love YouTube. I have been watching nonstop YouTube videos about almost anything but mostly about travel vlogs and tutorials on cinematic videos. I have also learned more stuff about editing and using transitions to enhance and to make sick edits lol oh yeah. I can’t explain how much excitement I feel when I edit or when I take videos of myself and other people. Even my friends now call me “vlogger”, I don’t exactly feel shy when I vlog around but I’m not totally confident yet. I haven’t even got past the point of being able to talk in front of the camera with my friends around. I mean I hate speaking in front of people I have the phobia and all but I just love the concept of vlogging that it makes it want to overcome that fear. Ever since I was kid, I have been recording through my phone and camera. I remember using Windows Movie Maker to compose a compilation of my photos and make it into a video with background music.

Anyway, I am planning to upload videos for as long as it gives me happiness. It’s actually quite fun and rewarding to be able to receive comments and love from people you don’t know! I feel like this is my one of my true hobbies in life. And I think I’m going to be doing this for a long time.

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO MY CHANNEL!!!! IT WOULD MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND MY DREAMS. I subscribe back, you guys! I’m actually looking to do a collab. Hmu if you want! 🙂

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Love,

7 Things I Miss About Living in the U.S.

For those who doesn’t know, I was fortunate enough to live abroad for about a year and a month for my internship. My placement was in Chicago and I had the best time ever in my life. But now that I am back in the Philippines, I can’t help but miss a few things. Actually, it’s a lot of things but I don’t think I have enough time to enumerate it all. 😅 So here are some:

Freedom

I was all alone for a year. No parents. No relatives. Sure, I got to talk to them via Skype for almost everyday but with the different timezones and whatnot, it’s just hard to keep up so there was no one telling me what to do and what time I should be going home. It was freeing since I haven’t really experienced NOT living with my parents before my internship. But when I came back and had to meet my friends after a long time, I was set with a curfew. I honestly can’t say I did not expect it coming but to be able to actually experienced it again was quite unbelievable. But really it’s not all about going out and stuff, it’s also about freedom to travel anywhere I wish and whomever I want. There’s also the freedom to make decisions on my own.

Winter Season

True to its name as the Windy City, Chicago’s wind can be very harsh especially to those from tropical countries like me. I remember my first day of work, I thought I was all covered good for the fall weather and went straight to open the door ready to go to work thinking the cold couldn’t be that bad but as soon as I stepped out of the door, I could hear the loud swishing of the wind. I was so wrong. I never felt so exposed in my life! The wind blew past my whole body as if I was not wearing anything. I immediately went back inside and gather my gloves, scarf and extra jacket. It was probably because I was still adjusting to the harsh weather, but still…poor me. I had to adjust for months for the cold weather. And just when my body was already settling in, I’m back again in my country experiencing heat wave everyday. I realize that if it’s cold, I can at least shield myself by wearing coats and hats and still feel okay but there’s no going around if it’s hot. Unless of course, you install an internal fan in your shirt.

Dating

I never was the kind of person open in dating other people but that was before I went to Chicago. The first time I decided to meet up with someone, I bought this draft beer at 711 and jugged the whole thing thirty minutes before the meet up. Why the beer? I can never do meet ups with strangers let alone talk with them SOBER. Reckless? Maybe. So yeah, we met at the train station near my office and since we were going the same direction, we rode the train together. The guy was slurring all the time it was so hard for me to make out on what he’s saying. I swear half the time I just nod whenever I felt like he’s done talking. I had an OKAY time and never called the guy again. Nevertheless, it was a first and nice experience I had. Back here, I don’t even dare open Tinder. Yucky. In fact, it seems like my sexual hormones has been shut off the moment I set my foot back in this country. It’s probably because Filipinos don’t interest me that much. I prefer getting to know someone from other places foreign to me. It’s lovely and exciting, for me. 🙂

Stress-free Life

I don’t mean to sound unfair and ungrateful, but with all the pre-exisiting family dramas plus my personal struggles mixing up, they just don’t add up to my list of reasons-to-look-forward-to-when-I-come-back-home/reasons-to-stay. Nu-uh.

The People

I’m not sure how to explain this without sounding bias. I’ve only been to other Asian countries but never outside the continent before and I can tell you people in the West are very genuine and nice, in general. Of course, I can’t say that much since I’ve only live there—particularly in Chicago—for a year. 🙄 But like honestly, people would open doors for you, even WOMEN would do that. Also, 7 out 10 people would randomly greet or smile at you. Back here if some stranger do that, one would be very skeptical and think maliciously already. It’s funny. And kind of unfair that I’m thinking so negatively for my people but it’s the naked truth.

No One Gives A Fuck

I may be the the type of girl who does not care of what she wears, most of the time. I do get conscious though, when there’s like an event or something—I think that’s only normal—but definitely besides those, I don’t care. As a foreigner, I was conscious at the way I dressed at first but actually you’d be surprise how people don’t give a fuck about what you’re wearing. They dress up however they want. A lot of times, I had encountered males and females having such out-of-this-planet type of colour in their hair and I just found fascinating that they weren’t conscious about it and wish I could have the courage to do something like that. But here in the Philippines, people are just naturally judgy especially women. How did I know that? Well, I may have been one of those women from time to time. Yeah, shame on me.

My Dream Lives Up In There

Finally, this feels like the main reason why I miss living abroad. I feel like ever since I got home, my life has been on pause. Of course, I know it’s not entirely true because everyday I deal with stuff that makes me grow as a person. Things such as being considered grown up therefore having much responsibilities than before, the realization that I am not the same person as I was before I left and things like that. I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy here but I really see myself working my way up somewhere else. That I could accomplish something for myself. But you know what? I don’t dream of being a president of some company. I don’t dream of owning a castle. Although I know I wasn’t born to just pay bills and die, I only want enough for me and my family for the present and the future. And I wish I could say that I could get it all here where I grew up and I probably could easily get it, but still no. It’s already very much tangled up that I’d rather start from the bottom somewhere else far than have everything but happiness. After all, happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road. And my map says the start of that journey is not here.

Yes, those are some that made the list of why I miss living in abroad. I may sound a little into living away home but that does not mean I hate it here. I love it mainly because I have my family here. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the country. Just so happens that I fell deeply in love in other places. So yes, I’m a girl who has such a big lust to get away and see the world.

Photo credits: Pictures taken from https://www.instagram.com/chicagobucketlist/ and Pinterest.com

Everyday Routine

If you must know my employment status, I am throwing it right here. I’m jobless... Not being proud about it or whatever, just tryna start a post. 😫✌🏼

It’s only been two weeks so there’s not much grand update for me. So as I’ve already mentioned in my previous post, I am my baby sister’s personal driver. Every morning I drop her off school and then run some personal errands before picking her up. Then we go straight to my dad’s house and have lunch with him and since Shobe has morning classes only, we spend some time watching movies and sleep after lunch. It would then be time to pick up my brother from school at 5:30pm and the three of us would go home.

Let’s say I don’t do all of those, that would only mean I’d be at Ocampo helping my mom’s business which means I would be the one opening and closing the store while my mom would stay here in Naga and have her day off. That being said, mom would be doing all those stuff mentioned above. Well, except of course, having lunch with dad!

So there you go, pretty much my schedule everyday! I’m not sure of working yet, I’m still trying to figure out things. 💩

11.12.2016

You know I sometimes spend my time reading life and love quotes and finding myself falling deeply in love with the moment. Then, I would argue to myself how just reading it makes me feel amazing; how much more in real life,right? I would feel so hopeful about love at the same time so sad I’d cry. But then just right after I’m done reading all the sappy quotes, all the drama and dreamy emotions die w/ the moment too. The same feeling you get when you try to remember the dream you’ve had the other night—the more you try to chase the memory the more it goes away. That exact feeling. And somehow, it’s sad for me that I can’t even hold on to that sentiment. I feel hopeless, whenever.

Last Dine Out With My Team

Today marks my remaining last 10 days at work(Springfield, IL, mostly). Lately, I have been working 12 hours a day with my team—and the rest of them still work at home—so not really complaining here lol. Because it’s the busy season, there’s no time to slack or even go to the gym which sucks but understandable on my part. I know it’s normal and it’s part of my training or whatever and everyone’s been very nice and considerate to me. I’m just glad that my efforts and hard work are being appreciated by my teammates.

As a tradition, the team takes out or treats their own teammate if he/she is leaving. So tonight, I was treated dinner together with my team! I feel so special! Earlier they asked me where I wanted to eat and I said anything Japanese and my manager was like are you sure and she started searching on Yelp. She goes on about the reviews of every restaurant lol she was so funny because she would really go on with all these negative comments and then skip on the next restaurant. 😪😅 Until finally, she found this place called Happy Sushi. Everyone on my team was being hesitant of the place but we still insisted to go there. We got off work early and went straight to the place. It was like less than 5 minutes away by car but we almost got lost! Crazy 😁

I was the first one to go inside the restaurant and I was really surprised to see that the place was so small. Like all of us barely fit because the place was packed and guess what there were just four small tables! I was about to give a helpless look to my colleagues when this waitress ushered us to a table inside—I though it was the kitchen entry—and we literally like passed thru their kitchen side kinda gross really but whatever haha. So when we were seated—btw there were four of us—we started looking with each other and trying not to laugh! The place was ridiculously cramped but yeah we gave our orders after a while. It turns out, the food was amazing! Everyone ~~liked it~~ loved it! We were exchanging conversations while eating and before I know it I was in the hot seat. I found myself talking about my dating life to them. It was a nice kind of conversation, you know l didn’t find myself uncomfortable sharing what I’m experiencing and my views. The dinner was not boring and I feel like it wasn’t just a regular dine out because I get to really interact and talk to them so I really enjoyed every second with them tonight.

Glad to be in such a wonderful team!

Getting Ready to Say Goodbye

I talked to a dear friend yesterday and she told me how she cannot find the words to write to which of course, I told her how I myself haven’t visited my own blog in a while. So here I am without any doubt about to ramble nonsense thoughts again.

Officially, I only have a month left in Chicago. You must be curious as to what I feel, eh? Well, I feel a lot of things! I have come to love Chicago or basically here in the United States. I have met a lot of people that changed my perspectives in life. I learned and proved to myself being independent is a good thing. Enjoying my life without any responsibility is such a big privilege but like all other things in life, this amazing chapter has to end. So I am happy that in a short period of time, I had such a wonderful time with new found friends, family and myself. And although inevitably there are things I wish would stay permanent with me, life goes on and I could only hope for the best! It’s also funny how I miss home now more than ever. I find myself getting excited and homesick already. Looking back to my first few months, all I kept thinking was how on earth could I stay here and never go back but now…I miss home.

So, see you Philippines in a month! 😊

06.24.2016

Blog entry:

23 June 2016 10:28PM @Staff house Springfield

Thursday night which means last night stay in Springfield! I just actually got home not too long ago. My co-workers and I went to visit another co-worker that lives here to celebrate her post baby shower. She’s a Chinese so all the food served were different kind of Chinese pica pica which was interesting. I had a good time getting to know my family here in Chicago. After that, we separated our ways–as to there are two staff houses–and here I am now. Tomorrow, I plan on taking the driver’s exam first thing in the morning–just the written exam first. I’m doing a scan on the rules of the road of Illinois after this entry. So Imma say buhbye now!

Signing off!

Awake

Scrambled thoughts as always…

Who would have thought I’d come to like working in Springfield? It’s only my second week and I’m already getting used to live here. Although, working hours here is longer than in Chicago I guess it’s okay. I mean I just accepted it I don’t wanna complain anymore. It’s better than doing nothing at all.

I know I said I’ll be posting story about my birthday but I haven’t found the inspiration to share at the moment. So let’s skip it for now, hopefully I won’t forget it tho I have been going out ever since I turned 21. It’s what I look forward to now: Friday and Saturday nights. You know, I’m doing the things that I know I want and even though at the end of the day part of me is tired and would just rather spend the day on my bed forever, I still want to explore. Because I know myself, and I’ll regret the things that I didn’t do when I knew I had the chance. Anyho, Vegas on the first of July! Did I guys tell you that? 😬 I cannot wait! My first West Coast visit wohooo. This better be awesome.

But reality check…

Four months. Only four months left here in the U.S.A. and buhbye already. I try not to think about it because I get sad every time. But hey, this won’t be the end. It’s just the beginning for me.

Springfield

Was supposed to write about my 21st birthday but I guess that could wait til I get back in Chicago for the weekend.

I’m here in Springfield for the whole week. I think I’ll be working here until my last second in the USA lmao WHY! Just a week before my birthday I was told I’ll be working outta town and I said yes–do I have a choice?!–so yeah all my plans got cancelled for my birthday. But hopefully when I come back this weekend, I’ll do something for my birthday yay. So I guess this would be my home for the rest of my working days in Illinois cause you all know about my one month grace period after this internship. I actually haven’t thought of where and what to do with my one month grace period but I’ll figure it out.

For all those who doesn’t know where Springfield is, it’s the capital of Illinois–that’s right! Chicago isn’t the capital of Illinois. Springfield is much quieter compared to Chicago which is why I’m still adjusting. It’s kinda sad of course especially if you’ve gotten used to the busy city life. I think what they have here are mostly government establishments and there’s not much to see really except for the Lincoln thingy idk much yet lol. But since I’m staying here for a little while, I might spend one weekend and get to know the city!

That’s just about it for now! But I also can’t wait to tell you about my 21st birthday. It’s just that I don’t think the story is finished yet cause I haven’t had a proper celebration so let’s wait for it and then I’ll tell ya. 🙂

Soon to be legal

I’m turning 21 on Monday. And I love celebrating birthdays! But unfortunately, this time might not have a celebration. I just got the news this Monday—a week before my bday—that I’ll be assign outta town for a whole week. Too bad, I had so many plans but yeah maybe it happened for a reason and I’ll accept that for now. Tho, who says I can only celebrate on the exact day of my birthday, right?!

Fat and Sad

I am so taking back what I said yesterday about writing everyday. I’m so freaking lazy lol. Last night, I talked to mom via Skype and she was like you’re so fat already and I was like I know I should just resort to using pills lol and she was like are you crazy. Hmm should I? I kennot. HUHUHU I blame the cruel weather in this windy city! I can’t even go out without my coat. In fact now that I think about it, I haven’t gone out without layers since I came here. I just keep telling myself today that tomorrow would be the last day of the week again. I can do this. I’m homesick too. 😦 I’m thinking of visiting my country this Summer but idk I’m not sure yet. *sigh*

Day 1 of 366

I officially welcome 2016. Happy New Year from Chicago! I can’t stressed enough how grateful I am for 2015. I have this two great things that happened this 2015. First, I graduated from my 4 year degree course and march at the age of 19. 🙂 Second, six months after I packed my things and went to Chicago. Man, I’ve never been so happy.

No more resolutions lol it just doesn’t work for me. But I’ll try to be more positive and keep looking forward to everyday. Carpe Diem, right?

So here’s to a new year…Keep dreaming and don’t stop just because you think it’s impossible. Your actions are directed towards your dream so keep going darling cause you’re on the right track. Have a good one!

C H I C A G O

Ever wonder what I am doing here in Chicago? No, we don’t ca—...okay 😒 I’m telling this for those who care and don’t just bc I like to annoy the hell outta you. 😛 Well, I am here for my internship. Ever since I graduated college, I had been aiming for this opportunity. I applied then and I waited like it was the most frustrating waiting game ever. There was not a day where I don’t check up on my status. Until, they finally found a company fit for my degree. I was placed in an accounting firm in downtown Chicago—long live the city! The city is amazing. The weather is extreme here and it wasn’t called the Windy City for nothing. I couldn’t go out without my coat wrapped closely around my body and my hands shoved in my pocket. Did I mention it’s snowing in Chicago? Because oh my god the first time I experienced snow, I totally and literally jumped out of joy. It happened on my way home with my roommate—she’s annoying btw and she knows it 😉—and I didn’t see it coming because it was dark and I thought it was just raining but then I felt there was this tingling sensation every time it hit my skin. That’s when Sheena(roomie) screamed it was snowing. We both squirmed loudly like a little girl! We got lost on our way home and we were freezing cold but damn it’s snowing who cares. 🙂 Also, it’s so cold in here I dont sweat at all. Lol maybe that’s the reason why I already gained 10 pounds since I came here. Sheena and I enrolled in gym but seriously waking up shivering from cold isn’t exactly motivating so nah pig life it is. So far, I am liking it in here. I get to see and meet different kind of people. I see people with rainbow hair and gothic attires and nobody bats an eye. Lmao If it were in my country, he/she is gonna be a mile radius head turner. It’s just so fun in here really, I barely even feel the days passing turning them into a month already.

Effin Tired

I should have been in Naga today. I should have played my tennis this morning. I should have been with my friends hanging out. But instead I’m here at Ocampo. Helping my mom in our grocery. There’s so much people and its crowded in our store. I’ve been punching, loading, serving, shouting and standing all day. And it’s fun somehow but it’s tiring too.

Right now, I just sneek out of my work to rest hahaha.

I’ll be going before my mom starts to shout my name around the store and receive her gospel of the day.