In the midst of busy schedules and hundreds of homework given, I still have the luxury to space out and feel crazy stupid happy for every once in a while now. It’s nice to feel appreciated and loved by the people around us, right? It’s that season in my life again where every love song makes sense and makes me smile like crazy.
I never thought it’d come to me. But really, who ever expects love to come their way? So, this is what people feel like when they are deeply infatuated with someone. I feel like everything is possible and everything is under my spell, ya know what I mean?—you probably won’t know what I’m talking about! But yeah, I’m probably going to talk about things I can only relate from now on. Hihi.
Anyway, midterm one is finally over! I can take a little breather now. And guys, my birthday is coming up next week. I am so excited. I’m probably the only adult who loves celebrating birthdays. I love getting old, but my mom told me I would be saying otherwise when I turned in my late 20’s. Oh well, we’ll see about that! Joe and I plan to get to the city and explore it a little bit with the bad weather. We originally planned to hike, but due to the bad weather forecast on that day, we’ll just see what the Great Vancity has to offer to this birthday girl.
How is everyone doing these days? I hope you’re feeling inspired and happy like me!
Lately, I’ve been going on and on about how sad I am. But generally, I’m a contented person and so I get easily happy for small things in life. These are some doses of sunshine in my life right now:
1. Finding film cameras and collecting negatives
Yes, you read that right. I am into film camera since forever. My obsession has finally come into its 150% craziness. The last time I’ve used an actual film camera was back in college so that’s like 3 or 4 years back. But my latest purchase was a Holga camera that has 120 film, which I don’t really use because that kind of film is very scarce.
Instead, I’ve been using these other film cameras. Yep, I’m a camera hoarder.
All of them use a 35mm film, except for that colorful one—that’s the Holga one, so the film for the rest is pretty accessible anywhere.
Originally, I’ve only really owned three of them. But since I told you, I’ve been a total shit crazy about vintage cameras lately, I’ve been asking out my relatives and friends if they have their old film cameras. Luckily for me, I’ve hauled two film cameras from my mom’s dear friend and actually one of the cameras turned out to be my favorite of all. It’s the Yashica camera. It has a very beautiful vintage structure with the straps and everything. I’m totally in love.
Here’s some negatives: flowers and creepy me
2. Reading a New Book: Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
If the name seems familiar to you, that’s because this book was written by the same author who wrote the book Eat, Pray, Love. This was given to me as a Christmas gift from my mom. One day, I was so bored I ended up reading it out of nowhere and it was the best random thing that I could have ever done at that point.
Kind of ashamed to say that this is my only first read for this year. I’m running way behind my targeted read books for the year. But anyway, I should say this does not disappoint me at all, and I’m just halfway from finishing it! It talks about inspirations and how it comes and goes within an individual. And that whenever that inspiration landed on you, you should immediately claim it or else, just like everything else, it doesn’t wait for you and will move on to the next person.
It’s actually the first book I’ve read that isn’t a novel or has a story behind it. I definitely recommend it if you’re looking for an inspirational book and you’re feeling a little lack of inspirational spirit.
3. Listening to Japanese Tracks
Anything Japanese related excites me. But nothing makes me feel more happy, excited, sad, and almost everything at the same time than listening to my Japanese playlist. The list just keeps adding as years passed by. It’s been a decade, I think since I first started this playlist. It never gets old, never will. It brings back the old memories, the joy, the innocence, the nostalgic feeling, the mixed emotions, all of it. Mostly, whenever I listen to this playlist, I feel like I’m being traveled back to the time when everything was simply carefree. That particular stage in my life where I would gladly choose to stay forever if I were to be given a chance.
4. Happy Moments with Friends
I don’t really go out much these days, just because I don’t think anything is ever worth exerting effort really, except maybe if I were to do something for my own sake. When I sometimes get invited to hang out, I’m always hesitant at first. It’s not them but it’s just my social anxiety disorder playing a huge part in this decision. But I don’t want to seem too antisocial really because I don’t think that’s a good practice either, so I just obliged myself to at least put on decent clothes and face them.
And it always ends up pretty fantastic—me having the best time of my life with all the catching up and jokes. I would say it’s very much the same when I go watch a Filipino movie at the cinema. I always roll my eyes and tell myself that I’m not going to enjoy it but I always ended up saying oh that’s not too bad, I loved it actually. I know, I’m pretty judge-y like that.
I don’t really focus on my friends nowadays, meaning I don’t really get to spend time as much as I did before. We’re pretty busy now. With all the work schedules and my own lazy bum schedule, we just don’t find that much time to reconnect as often as we should. But at the same time, it doesn’t really change the fact that we always have fun when we get together.
5. Taking Footages and Pictures
I got my Canon G7x II with me anywhere I go, literally! I don’t really post these things a lot on my social media, just because I don’t think there’s a need for it at all. I just really do it for the keepsake. Although the thought of editing and compiling videos excites me to the bones, sometimes there’s just not enough inspiration to do it. You know what I mean? Actually, my friends sort of call me a ‘vlogger’ because I carry my camera all the time anywhere I go, but I don’t really go like talking to my cam.
It’s funny that sometimes even my mom would be like ‘where’s your cam? Aren’t you gonna vlog it?’. And I’ll be like really dumbfounded that she would say that.
I guess, it just surprises me at all that everyone noticed that I do what I do. And I’m kind of proud that I’m recognized for it. It’s something that I can surely say I love doing and it makes me freaking happy.
So yes, that would be all. Really, what could I ask for more distractions in life? Right?! I hope you enjoyed reading this. It’s been a couple of lazy days for me just staying at home and not really going anywhere. So I got all this time to make posts.
As per usual, Saturday is being spent productively on my bed, not with someone though, but just with my laptop. You have a dirty mind. I woke pretty early just because I always have my alarm set at 5:50 am, which I always plan on like taking that alarm setting off but nevertheless always fails to do it, anyway. So we had our breakfast as a family together. Finally, my mom is having a late breakfast with us and not rushing to get to the store. She left it in charge with someone for today, just so she can at least spend a peaceful morning not scurrying around like a woman on fire. I decided not to come with her to the store for today, instead, I just cleaned my room early this morning after she left with Shobe. I was kind of like planning on filming something for today but then there were calls on the queue and I had to work on it—it’s an online job.
Besides that, everything seems to be normal nowadays. Well, except for my never-ending anxiousness about the waiting game on my visa. But I’m learning to throw my IDGAF attitude on it little by little or else I might die in my sleep if I don’t stop this torture. I do have another thing going on, but it’s very personal. And it’s bothering me too.
Remember when I mentioned about my inner peace being one of those calm before the storm kind of thing? I’m kind of getting the vibe that there is a huge wave coming on my way and that I am both furious and scared for it.
Also, a bit realization I’ve been having has been on my mind lately. I’ve only known a couple of people who really stood out in my life and have/had a really great connection with me. Some are still present in my life and some has gone with the wind. Unfortunately, even with friends, there aren’t always happy endings. It’s not just romance that ends up sabotaging the relationship, but even mere friends do that. Friends are capable of hurting you, loving you and making you feel like you don’t need anyone but them. And when you got hurt by them, you think about how it would be nice to have never met them at the first place and that you wouldn’t have this scarred memories for life if you hadn’t known them at all. Then, I think about what was my life before them? Not to say nothing, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t have the time of my life with them. My life was pretty quiet for sure without them, but I know I would have chosen crazy over boring any time, anyway. And so bottom line, I probably shouldn’t shut myself out too much with people because I know they give so much life to me. And that one bad experience shouldn’t ruin my trust with others.
In life, it’s seldom we found someone who gets us. Someone who we instantly love the moment we meet them. It’s such a rare occasion that when that certain person comes, we grab them and make sure they feel safe and loved. In most cases, people expect this to advance into some kind of romantic intimacy—which is ridiculous, really. On the other hand, it may lead to a long-life friendship. So let me throw a question, if you meet someone who really gets your vibe and interests in life, what kind of relationship would your inner-self choose to have with that someone—as a friend or a lover? It’s a tricky question, I know. The answer gets complicated the more you think about it. Ha.
My answer? I always go for friendship. But isn’t that always the case or mostly how it is for everyone? I mean, doesn’t a relationship begins at something before being lovers? And there’s nothing quite like how we, Millennials, deal with being in a ‘relationship’. There are even the so-called stages of relationship amongst 20-somethings that start out as being friends > talking stage > friends with benefits > hooking up > dating > exclusivity/to being lover. It’s one hella ride for young people to be in love, nowadays. No wonder Millennials are tagged to be the worst generation and no doubt about how older generations are laughing at us right now.
Having a fair share of my being part of the Millennial generation, I’ve experienced this roller coaster ride of being in a relationship myself. The one thing I can say is it’s just not for me. I might have done it wrong but I’ve had enough for now. I’ll choose friendship over love not because it will be the safe choice but because I’ve been there done thatrelationship thing and now I know better than to risk any good friendship with love. I’m not saying I’m all closed door for finding love but it’s not something that I am expecting to come in my life anytime soon. Setting my mind to that note, it keeps me from jumping to conclusions and expecting to find love in every guy that I meet. At the same time, without the expectations of any kind, it lets me create a deeper connection with someone I truly find interesting. It’s like I don’t have to worry about being the perfect girl because who’s judging, right? 🙂 No one but a good friend of mine.
Lovers just take it to different level, you know? Sure, there’s no doubt about how colorful our lives when they are there. No one can actually make us feel the same way that they do to us. It’s magical and how we wish it would never end. But have you had any relationship with someone that it ended badly, but then you realize you were so good together as friends than lovers, that you wish you could turn back time and just be friends instead? It’s a shame, isn’t it? Makes you regret just enough to wish for things to go back to the way you were as friends. That’s why I’ll always choose friendship over love.
Some people ask me what if you could have found your true happiness with that someone, but you settled as friends so you ended up throwing away the one shot deal? Honestly, I’m not worried. I’ve never been worried about missing my chances at being happy with someone because I know it’s not something that I could never find in myself. I produce my own sunshine and happiness. We all do! It’s on me to share it to other people. I never needed someone to make me feel whole because I am complete whether someone is holding my hand or not.
So what I need is a friend who knows me well, who’ll understand my tantrums and deal with it. Someone I can laugh with and share my stories with. A friend who I can talk whatever with no boundaries whatsoever. A friend who can be my plus one in parties and get drunk with. One who’ll ask me to a slow dance even with a pop music playing. A guy my parents can be comfortable with. Just someone who gets me. I have always believed that two opposite genders can have a platonic relationship. Being anything more than friends is just another label. What matters is the strong foundation and relationship I have with that person. If it turns out that my best friend is the one, wouldn’t that be great?! But if not, a best friend for life is not a loss love at all.
Two weeks since I left the U.S. and arrived home. My mom and two siblings picked me up at the airport. I saw mom first and as soon as I did I cried her name not caring that we’re in the crowd! She did not change at all—same petite and small woman hugged me. We both went straight to the van waiting for us and I was greeted by my cutesy not so little sister at the door! Aww. So cute! She was standing right there with open arms while squealing mommy. I swear that was the moment that I had been waiting for so long. My brother, on the other hand, was sleeping at the back seat but was soon woken up by our noises. He looks chubby now. I guess college could really do that to anyone like it did to me. 😝
It was midnight by the time we reached at my brother’s dormitory so everyone just kind of fell asleep as soon we got settled. The next day, we left Manila and traveled to Bicol. 😁
I welcome myself to Maogmang Lugar! The town was bigger the last time I remember but now everything just looks different. It could be because of the new infrastructures and I couldn’t help but noticed there are a lot of cars! Like I mean, I am sure it wasn’t these much when I left but now it’s crazy! Imagine living in such a small town with so many cars 😓 CONGESTED TRAFFIC EVERYWHERE! Huhu
I visited my relatives and friends within the first week of my arrival and it was good to see them. 😺 Although it’s just been a year, I can say my little sister missed me the most! I spent most of my time now with her. I am her personal driver; I drop her off to school and pick her up. She just can’t be left without me by her side anymore!
My mom has been very sweet about everything. I really felt and still feel very welcome like I had been gone for so long. I feel like the son who returned in the story “The Prodigal Son”. She made sure that I have a new bed, curtains, shelves and other funny things that I don’t think are necessary 😹 Sweetest mother living on earth!
But still, I can’t wait to be back again in abroad. I just miss it, you know. I miss Chicago, my friends, Kumpi and I never though I would say this but I miss the cold weather. 🙁 And both of my parents are just supportive of me going back again and do whatever I want. This just makes me feel so blessed despite everything that’s been going on around. It’s like I have a total complete free will and all I got to do is move and decide—which I haven’t started doing yet. But like my mom said, one step at a time. After all, all I have right now is time.
Oh well… We’ll see, won’t we? 😉
For now, I am enjoying my stay here and making the most out of it!
Was supposed to write about my 21st birthday but I guess that could wait til I get back in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m here in Springfield for the whole week. I think I’ll be working here until my last second in the USA lmao WHY! Just a week before my birthday I was told I’ll be working outta town and I said yes–do I have a choice?!–so yeah all my plans got cancelled for my birthday. But hopefully when I come back this weekend, I’ll do something for my birthday yay. So I guess this would be my home for the rest of my working days in Illinois cause you all know about my one month grace period after this internship. I actually haven’t thought of where and what to do with my one month grace period but I’ll figure it out.
For all those who doesn’t know where Springfield is, it’s the capital of Illinois–that’s right! Chicago isn’t the capital of Illinois. Springfield is much quieter compared to Chicago which is why I’m still adjusting. It’s kinda sad of course especially if you’ve gotten used to the busy city life. I think what they have here are mostly government establishments and there’s not much to see really except for the Lincoln thingy idk much yet lol. But since I’m staying here for a little while, I might spend one weekend and get to know the city!
That’s just about it for now! But I also can’t wait to tell you about my 21st birthday. It’s just that I don’t think the story is finished yet cause I haven’t had a proper celebration so let’s wait for it and then I’ll tell ya. 🙂
Today is my 4 year anniversary with WordPress and I finally decided to register a custom domain name for my site. I was kinda thinking of registering it to my name but I digressed cause I mean I’ve been with this name ‘simplicityismymiddle’ for four years now. I’m sentimental, I know lol. So that’s all for now. Just dropping by to say hello and greet myself Happy Anniversary with WordPress! 🙂
P.S. I’ll be posting a lot of Chicago stuff soon. :p
Went to Tapsi Terminal last night with 👆. Actually, I was already home earlier than I was supposed to but I was out again after an hour and a half. I was already on my PJ’s but not caring at all on anything that night, I just put on my jacket and changed into some decent shorts. Thank Heavens for Twinnie. The timing couldn’t be more perfect for both of us. I just knew I had to unwind and let it out. That was one hell of a night getaway. Marks the end of something for both of us. If anyone could see our faces that night, they would’ve think someone just died close to us. Both of our eyes were puffy. 👀 Funny how we thought we were having fun that time only to end the night tragically. 💁🙍👯
Why hello!! It’s great to be up this early in the morning! 4am! NO IT’S NOT GREAT AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT!
I supposed to tell you the reason to my being of super early bird this morning. Nard invited me to jog this morning and I said okay. I invited my other friend who by the way lives near my house. He said yes. And I proposed we go early to our jog place earlier than Nard ‘coz he lives far and he still needs to travel and all. So he agreed. And nowwww, I called him and he bailed out! That freaking don’t make me say it… Anyway, I got up too early for nothing and now I’m waiting for Nard to come by in my house and off we go jogging. Dayum!!
Rewind rewind! I wanna go back to sleeeeeeeep. Zzzzzzz but I can’t. I can’t just drift off to sleep and leave Nard behind now.
Yaaay! I’m so back myself now. 😀
Later, I’ll be going to Jen’s house because we we’re both invited to a friend’s graduation party. It’ll be an early dinner for us so maybe afterwards Jen and I will be hanging out.