challenge

Word Prompt #3: What I Do Best

Word Prompt #3:

What I Do Best

I don’t know if I can ever answer that specifically. But just last week, I was talking to Tacky about our individual talents. And he went about how I can inspire people without being aware of it. I honestly don’t see myself inspiring other people because I don’t even know inspires me let alone inspire people, right? But I’m glad that he thinks I’m capable of being that kind of person that helps other people inspire and realize things.

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Chicago Diaries

7 Things I Miss About Living in the U.S.

For those who doesn’t know, I was fortunate enough to live abroad for about a year and a month for my internship. My placement was in Chicago and I had the best time ever in my life. But now that I am back in the Philippines, I can’t help but miss a few things. Actually, it’s a lot of things but I don’t think I have enough time to enumerate it all. 😅 So here are some:

Freedom

I was all alone for a year. No parents. No relatives. Sure, I got to talk to them via Skype for almost everyday but with the different timezones and whatnot, it’s just hard to keep up so there was no one telling me what to do and what time I should be going home. It was freeing since I haven’t really experienced NOT living with my parents before my internship. But when I came back and had to meet my friends after a long time,  I was set with a curfew. I honestly can’t say I did not expect it coming but to be able to actually experienced it again was quite unbelievable. But really it’s not all about going out and stuff, it’s also about freedom to travel anywhere I wish and whomever I want. There’s also the freedom to make decisions on my own.

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Winter Season

True to its name as the Windy City, Chicago’s wind can be very harsh especially to those from tropical countries like me. I remember my first day of work, I thought I was all covered good for the fall weather and went straight to open the door ready to go to work thinking the cold couldn’t be that bad but as soon as I stepped out of the door, I could hear the loud swishing of the wind. I was so wrong. I never felt so exposed in my life! The wind blew past my whole body as if I was not wearing anything. I immediately went back inside and gather my gloves, scarf and extra jacket. It was probably because I was still adjusting to the harsh weather, but still…poor me. I had to adjust for months for the cold weather. And just when my body was already settling in, I’m back again in my country experiencing heat wave everyday. I realize that if it’s cold, I can at least shield myself by wearing coats and hats and still feel okay but there’s no going around if it’s hot. Unless of course, you install an internal fan in your shirt.

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Dating

I never was the kind of person open in dating other people but that was before I went to Chicago. The first time I decided to meet up with someone, I bought this draft beer at 711 and jugged the whole thing thirty minutes before the meet up. Why the beer? I can never do meet ups with strangers let alone talk with them SOBER. Reckless? Maybe. So yeah, we met at the train station near my office and since we were going the same direction, we rode the train together. The guy was slurring all the time it was so hard for me to make out on what he’s saying. I swear half the time I just nod whenever I felt like he’s done talking. I had an OKAY time and never called the guy again. Nevertheless, it was a first and nice experience I had. Back here, I don’t even dare open Tinder. Yucky. In fact, it seems like my sexual hormones has been shut off the moment I set my foot back in this country. It’s probably because Filipinos don’t interest me that much. I prefer getting to know someone from other places foreign to me. It’s lovely and exciting, for me. 🙂

Stress-free Life

I don’t mean to sound unfair and ungrateful, but with all the pre-exisiting family dramas plus my personal struggles mixing up, they just don’t add up to my list of reasons-to-look-forward-to-when-I-come-back-home/reasons-to-stay. Nu-uh.

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The People

I’m not sure how to explain this without sounding bias. I’ve only been to other Asian countries but never outside the continent before and I can tell you people in the West are very genuine and nice, in general. Of course, I can’t say that much since I’ve only live there—particularly in Chicago—for a year.  🙄 But like honestly, people would open doors for you, even WOMEN would do that. Also, 7 out 10 people would randomly greet or smile at you. Back here if some stranger do that, one would be very skeptical and think maliciously already. It’s funny. And kind of unfair that I’m thinking so negatively for my people but it’s the naked truth.

No One Gives A Fuck

I may be the the type of girl who does not care of what she wears, most of the time. I do get conscious though, when there’s like an event or something—I think that’s only normal—but definitely besides those, I don’t care. As a foreigner, I was conscious at the way I dressed at first but actually you’d be surprise how people don’t give a fuck about what you’re wearing. They dress up however they want. A lot of times, I had encountered males and females having such out-of-this-planet type of colour in their hair and I just found fascinating that they weren’t conscious about it and wish I could have the courage to do something like that. But here in the Philippines, people are just naturally judgy especially women. How did I know that? Well, I may have been one of those women from time to time. Yeah, shame on me.

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My Dream Lives Up In There

Finally, this feels like the main reason why I miss living abroad. I feel like ever since I got home, my life has been on pause. Of course, I know it’s not entirely true because everyday I deal with stuff that makes me grow as a person. Things such as being considered grown up therefore having much responsibilities than before, the realization that I am not the same person as I was before I left and things like that. I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy here but I really see myself working my way up somewhere else. That I could accomplish something for myself. But you know what? I don’t dream of being a president of some company. I don’t dream of owning a castle. Although I know I wasn’t born to just pay bills and die, I only want enough for me and my family for the present and the future. And I wish I could say that I could get it all here where I grew up and I probably could easily get it, but still no. It’s already very much tangled up that I’d rather start from the bottom somewhere else far than have everything but happiness. After all, happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road. And my map says the start of that journey is not here.

Yes, those are some that made the list of why I miss living in abroad. I may sound a little into living away home but that does not mean I hate it here. I love it mainly because I have my family here. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the country. Just so happens that I fell deeply in love in other places. So yes, I’m a girl who has such a big lust to get away and see the world.

Photo credits: Pictures taken from https://www.instagram.com/chicagobucketlist/ and Pinterest.com

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Everyday, Experience

I’ve Been Told I’m A Good Girl

What does it mean when someone says you are a good person? Does it mean you are likeable? Smart? Kind? Nice? When good is being used as the generic term for almost everything that is not bad, it gets to the point that it is confusing sometimes.

Recently, I was told I was a good girl. I believe the reason for that comment was I refused to go out at night saying I have a curfew so the only time I can go out is during daytime. After that comment, it got me thinking how is it true that I’m such a good girl? How was I a good girl? Did I somehow pass that person’s certain criteria as “good”, or what? But most of all, why am I even doubting that remark in the first place? Is it probably because I reject the notion that I am a good girl, after all? 😂 I’m not sure where this is leading but those are some intriguing ideas that I have.

Just wanted to point that I do consider myself as a good person;I share my blessings with other people;I pray;I love my family dearly. However, I am also aware of the evil side that I have. Not only to say that it is normal for every person to have, but I personally think one can only take so much shit in this world that the only outlet that one can have is to respond in such an awful comeback. It’s the honest truth and you know it. Despite the harsh reality though, I try to show heavenly kindness as much as I can with everyone else since I can never know what a person has been through for him/her to act that way. But that’s just me.

It would also depend on like what situation I am in. I know that there are circumstances that bring out the evil side in me and during that time is when my patience is really tested. So yeah, I’m pretty much like everyone else. Sometimes, dressed up as an angel but probably most of the time, more comfortable playing Satan’s role.

Generally, it’s so easy to just identify someone as good. Good being such a basic word nowadays that we tend to look or ask for more when we are given this as an answer. What do you mean good? Is she pretty? Boring? or Okay? Tell me something more! 

I guess my point is, the term good doesn’t even cover a tad bit of the description of my whole personality. For me, I find it  overused that it  is starting to sound meaningless, invalid and useless when it comes to how people respond to things. Not to be hypocrite, but I find myself using that word a lot too. Like when someone asks me how my day was, my to-go answer would be ‘good!’ if not ‘great’. How is it like that?  I can’t blame those people who use ‘good’ as a response though. They are probably not interested or lazy to come up with a more sensible word, just like me.

Ciao!

Love, G.

 

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Chicago Diaries

Flashbacks. Surprise!

Something about tonight reminded me of a memory I was trying so hard to ignore. I’d still say it was one of the bittersweet things to remember.

I had a get together with my old friends today. We went to a friend’s place chitchatting and smoking hookah. It was a typical night out for us. You know, since mostly of them got jobs and their only free time is on weekends so it’s nice to catch up and hang with them from time to time. But even so, I was feeling uneasy especially when Twinnie started playing sad songs. It was not a depressed kind of melody but it was more of an Ed Sheeran kind of music. Perfectly right on the moment, one of the couples were sitting right in front of me displaying affection or whatever. Although it was a very sweet scene to look at—posing a romantic head on shoulder to each other—I tried not to get too deep about it. I guess, I couldn’t help but think about the time I was with someone doing the same thing.

On my last day at Chicago, me and this guy were quietly sitting at the airport waiting for my boarding time or whatever and like I said we were leaning our heads to each other like there was no one around us. Then suddenly, we both looked up to this woman—I think she was a flight attendant—who stopped right in front of us tilting her head and said “Are you two in love?” then waiting for no response she just resumed strolling ahead. We were both silent for a second until he said something like it took him a while to get what the woman said. I just smiled and I mean what could I say.

It was just one of those memories that make me smile whenever I think about it. It may not make sense to you as to why I find it so dearly to my heart but don’t you just have the same moments that you consider special despite no grand gestures included or making no sense whatsoever? Anyway, so the story doesn’t end there and here’s why I find it bittersweet:

We sat for couple more minutes before exchanging our final byes and hugs. Then while he was hugging me, he said I love you. No drum rolls in real life happening, people. Funny thing was, I questioned him three times before I finally understood what he was trying to say. I mean it totally took me by surprise that the guy even knew the word love forgodsake. Well…and that’s the end of the story. I don’t think I want to share the next happenings. 😜It was just pure embarrassment on my part. Although, I wondered if the lady did become a factor of why he said he love me. Was it somehow a push in the back for him to say something so forward? Anywise, I am still convinced that he regretted the second he blurted out those words to me. Maybe he was really feeling it but it was a spur of the moment and no one could really tell the true validity of that statement, right? But it was so sweet of him to say it and I just wasn’t sure of myself why I didn’t say it back. True to my doubts, we never even mentioned another thing about what happened at the airport. It wasn’t that of a big deal, after all.

Triggered memories, spontaneous recollections and sometimes horrible flashbacks could either make you want to hug or strangle somebody. It’s a conflict of both sides so better get ready anytime.

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Chicago Diaries, Dislike, Love

You know I sometimes spend my time reading life and love quotes and finding myself falling deeply in love with the moment. Then, I would argue to myself how just reading it makes me feel amazing; how much more in real life,right? I would feel so hopeful about love at the same time so sad I’d cry. But then just right after I’m done reading all the sappy quotes, all the drama and dreamy emotions die w/ the moment too. The same feeling you get when you try to remember the dream you’ve had the other night—the more you try to chase the memory the more it goes away. That exact feeling. And somehow, it’s sad for me that I can’t even hold on to that sentiment. I feel hopeless, whenever.

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Chicago Diaries, Family

Last Dine Out With My Team

Today marks my remaining last 10 days at work(Springfield, IL, mostly). Lately, I have been working 12 hours a day with my team—and the rest of them still work at home—so not really complaining here lol. Because it’s the busy season, there’s no time to slack or even go to the gym which sucks but understandable on my part. I know it’s normal and it’s part of my training or whatever and everyone’s been very nice and considerate to me. I’m just glad that my efforts and hard work are being appreciated by my teammates.

As a tradition, the team takes out or treats their own teammate if he/she is leaving. So tonight, I was treated dinner together with my team! I feel so special! Earlier they asked me where I wanted to eat and I said anything Japanese and my manager was like are you sure and she started searching on Yelp. She goes on about the reviews of every restaurant lol she was so funny because she would really go on with all these negative comments and then skip on the next restaurant. 😪😅 Until finally, she found this place called Happy Sushi. Everyone on my team was being hesitant of the place but we still insisted to go there. We got off work early and went straight to the place. It was like less than 5 minutes away by car but we almost got lost! Crazy 😁

I was the first one to go inside the restaurant and I was really surprised to see that the place was so small. Like all of us barely fit because the place was packed and guess what there were just four small tables! I was about to give a helpless look to my colleagues when this waitress ushered us to a table inside—I though it was the kitchen entry—and we literally like passed thru their kitchen side kinda gross really but whatever haha. So when we were seated—btw there were four of us—we started looking with each other and trying not to laugh!  The place was ridiculously cramped but yeah we gave our orders after a while. It turns out, the food was amazing! Everyone liked it loved it! We were exchanging conversations while eating and before I know it I was in the hot seat. I found myself talking about my dating life to them. It was a nice kind of conversation, you know l didn’t find myself uncomfortable sharing what I’m experiencing and my views. The dinner was not boring and I feel like it wasn’t just a regular dine out because I get to really interact and talk to them so I really enjoyed every second with them tonight.

Glad to be in such a wonderful team!

 

 

 

 

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Happy Thoughts

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.

-Bob Marley

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Le Love

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