Thoughts of a Tight-Lipped Girl

I called you today hoping to hear your voice but you didn’t pick-up the phone… I broke down crying ’cause I couldn’t take it no more.

I think about of getting lost but I just can’t make myself do it…too many people are giving me directions.

I thought they were permanent…but nothing is and that’s just sad.

I think about time and changes and friends…they don’t stop. Life doesn’t stop for anybody.

I imagine the things we did, the memories we made…and wonder if it’ll be the last time I’ll think about you.

Where were you? You said priorities…but damn if it was true.

My thoughts are eating me…that sometimes I wish I would forever live in them instead of harsh reality.

Wrong things happen when you trust and worry about the wrong people…and guess what? I was wrong about you.

‘Cheer up’ everybody said…if only it was easy as 123.

You don’t say it instead you do it…but I don’t know I’ve fallen to your words regardless.

I can’t wait to be happy again…and be me again.

I miss the old me, my old life, my old habits…I just miss the innocent me.

Do ya feel lucky, punk?…Luck can be good or bad. So which is which for me?

Those words…wonder if we meant it

Such a great day

Because I’m Bored and Sad

I was looking for someone to talk to this morning. Good thing tho, my cousin’s already awake so I called him. Haha thank you Binner for listening to my rants. And why thanks for making me cry. 😦

Spent a lot my afternoon talking to my friends. :*

First, I had to somehow talk to this girl. Haven’t heard from her voice since yesterday lol. 😀

Then I missed ❗ my twin, Angela. Haha in yow face. Not really. I didn’t have a choice but to let you join ’cause I know you missed me already. 😛

ooVoo time

🙂 You no there ynnah. Haha too bad! Your face’s not showing up!

Ima make you feel like a virgin again, again hahaha currently listening to the song ‘Like A Virgin Again’ 😉

Moments Like These

Before when things were a lot easier to handle, I never understand what depression was all about. I guess you will never understand until it happens to you.

Unlike then, when somehow there was something that could compensate my sadness, I know I would be okay eventually.

But not now when troubles are ten times complicated than before. When even grand comfort could not budge a bit of my misery.

What happened?

As I have told earlier, I never understand depression. But there really came a time when I felt it in me and I swear I’ve never been lonely in my life. I remember the first time depression took over me. It was that super random moment wherein I felt that overwhelming sense of sadness.

What I did then, was that I didn’t go straight home but instead I went to this milk tea place(luckily there was no one else) and spent the rest of my allowable time before curfew thinking about things. I went home after that feeling not even the slightest okay.

And now…

I think I’m having one of these moments again. My hands are trembling as I type for no reason. My heart is pounding I think I might be actually hearing it now. I HAD to leave the house and go somewhere else. So now I’m at SM and I’m keeping myself busy as much as possible.

I haven’t discussed this matter to my mom and I don’t think I need to and I’m hoping she wouldn’t know.

It’s late now. I think I have to go back and act that everything’s alright.

Wait I’m hungry. To eat or not to eat? Damn this.

I Miss My Home

I want to go home already. Been staying here in Manila for two days. 😦

I’m starting to get depressed and my mood isn’t improving either. And the thought of resuming summer class in two days isn’t helping at all.

I miss my messy room. 😥

I missed the Alay Lakad yesterday.

I missed a lot.

Anyway, I’m here for a reason. I’m visiting my grandparents because of their health conditions. I know it’s important more than anything but I just can’t help but to feel down.

04.11.2014

April 11,2014
Friday

• Finished my first class a little early so I…
• Went to church. Spent almost an hour there waiting for my next class.
• Had activities in Oral Communication. We recited in front of the class by group and individual.
• Forgot to submit my quiz to our beadle. I was too excited at the thought of not having a class on my last subject and went home as fast as I can. Pretty stupid of me, huh.
• Workout tho…
• Ice cream after 🙂
• Got a scornful remark. Wth

Deal Breaker

What is one thing that you cannot overlook to a person or to a guy in particular? Because there could just be one quality in a person that could totally put off your interest in them. Like for example, guys with big egos is a big big no for me.
Tho what I’m gonna share is nothing in reference with Dating Deal Breakers or something romantic, it’s just one of the things I hate about in a guy.

Why am I suddenly talking about deal breakers? 🙂 ‘Cause I just had an encounter with one of my guy friend and he’s totally being above the clouds. He thinks that he’s too awesome that all of us would bow down to him. Like hell we would. Just because I’m being nice doesn’t mean I tolerate his cockiness. 🙂 I’m just being nice, that’s all. Tho I’m not sure if he knows what’s going on behind the scenes. My friends think that he’s too full of himself and they’re like being nice to him just for old times’ sake.

I know I might seem hypocrite but I’ve never told this to anyone and the reason I’m writing about this now is because he had done an indefensible act. I can’t tell you what it really was but it was something that really pushed me to the limit. I was blown away so bad, I didn’t have enough time to react properly to his remark and all I manage was to laugh it out. And luckily, he never saw the shock through my reaction so he just went on and on. What a prick. So I’ve managed to completely change the way I think about him now.

Shut it down. Deal Breaker.

Cheerless Mood

I should be happy right now. Today is the graduation celebration for my cousin. 🙂 But dang I feel tired instead. I spend my whole day at our store. I should’ve been with my mom when she attended the baccalaureate mass this morning but I was on my way to our store. I had no choice but to give way to them.

Also, I woke up early this morning around 3:30 AM and checked my phone. My friend texted me that our grades were already posted. And so I checked my account and went into grades section and goddamnit I wish I could turn back the time at that moment when I saw my score because I didn’t think it was possible for me to sleep again.

With all these and that, I am hoping to be forgiven with my cheerless mood. I just couldn’t bring myself to lighten up. I just can’t, okay?

And one thing more, I think I’m starting to get attached to someone. Ghaad seriously, when will I learn?

Lost My Appetite

This post is not about food, sucker!

Books. Books. Books. That’s what this post is all about. As you can see on the side corner of my blog, there is a Goodreads section and there’s pretty much everything that I have read.

Goodreads is like an online library of books. So for anyone out there who’s bookish like me, this site is absolutely helpful.

Going back, I read the book ‘The Fault In Our Stars’ by John Green and mind you, I wasn’t impressed at all. I don’t understand what’s so amazing about it. I just don’t know what the fuzz is all about. So after finishing the book, I swear not to read another book of Green. But then, I got forced to read another of his book entitled ‘Papertowns’. And 😥 😥 😥 I had a sudden lost of interest in reading books after that. I did not read any for a whole month. 😦 Guess I lost my appetite for reading.

So for the Green fans out there. I respect you but whatever.

Okay? Okay.
Pffffffft.

T.O.D.A.Y

What was I thinking?! Saturday is always a non-uniform day. Instead, went to school today wearing uniform.

Damn. I was walking my way confidently until my eyes swept to the groups of student crossing my path and I was like ‘Uhuh. They are wearing civilian. What’s up with them?’ and clueless as I was, just marched past them. Just when the weird vibes was getting off me and I’m about to climb the stairs, I saw my two friends and surprisingly they were also wearing civilian. And that’s the only time I realized that I was the weird one. But I thought today was Friday! Come on!

I was dumbfounded and I had no choice but to go on with my life and trudged towards my classroom. Good thing tho, there’s my father. I let him get my pants, a t-shirt and sandals. 😉

Dang! After that, my embarrassing moment was done. Poof. 🙂 Next thing I knew, I was in a restaurant with my friends eating sushi. Again. Anyway, god help me my friends were on chatting mode again! All of them were either Omegle-ing or Chatous-ing. What a word. Pfft. 🙂 Funny thing happened, my best friend asked for a pic to the guy he’s been chatting with and she received a picture of the guy’s Ding Dong. Eck. Some horny sonofawhore. My bestie swore never to use Chatous again. Oh promises, promises. 😉

Went home with a smile on my face but ended up scowling because of my brother. He spilled my secret to dad. Traitor. Now I’m not talking to him.

One helluva day. Hope y’all have had good day too.

It’s Just Not Right

I know there aren’t perfect ones here on earth. I also couldn’t judge them for what they are. They are just being who they are. But there are times that I couldn’t help it myself you know, like I’m a lioness in need to go out of its lair to release its rage and do the roaaaar!

I wanna shout in front of their faces and tell them that they’re not just right anymore or simply maybe a two word woud do, “FUCK OFF”. That whatever thing their doing has to stop.

Woosaa!

I do know my limits and when I don’t, I know when to say sorry. I know how to act civil, atleast that’s what I thought I am.

My point is!! I don’t know!

I’ve been really frustrated with how things are going right now. Bullshit here and there. Fights here and there. Screams here and there. Disappointments everywhere!

Why can’t I just accept that these things happen? They’re part of what’s supposed to be my LIFE. Well, maybe I’ve had enough!! Maybe it’s time, I punch LIFE and live a life. That doesn’t make sense, right? I know.

I know! Because nothing in my life make sense right now! Like what the hell am I talking about?

Just go to hell!

Unpleasant Day

I’m feeling sad today. It’s like the feeling I had when I heard about the death of our former mayor Jessie Robedo, only worst.

This morning I woke up to find my dad panicking and hurrying to go outside. Just as I was about to ask, I heard the car engine roar and he’s gone. I asked my yaya what was it all about and she told me that Master Square got caught in fire. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I even thought she was shitting me. I mean I just woke up and that’s what I hear first thing in the morning. Uhuh not good.

If you’re wondering, Master Square is one of the remarkable establishment here in our town. It’s a supermart(?) and I’m positive almost everyone knows the place or have been already in it. The owners are family related to us so it affect us deeply.

I peeked outside the window and surely enough I saw black clouds of smoke from the distance and I’m pretty sure that’s where Master Square is located.

From what I heard, the fire started at 3am but the firefighters were so slow in corresponding that the fire got bigger which makes it harder to handle.

10:30 am and I’m on my way to my school which is just a walk away from the establishment. On my way, I saw firetrucks reloading water from the side of the streets. It’s what..7 hours then and there’s still fire?

I got a call from my dad and he told me he was with uncle (one of the owner) outside their building this morning watching the fire eat up the building. He said nothing was left even the bodega was ruined.

One of the worst feeling I think, is to see your own damn building or whatever it is that you’ve put your time and heart in be destroyed and you’re just there standing waiting for it to end because there’s nothing that you can do about it.

This is really sad. Everyone I know seems to care and it’s glad to know about it.

Anyways, who would have thought. Just last week, I bought something from MS and now…

Well everything happens for a reason, I believe. Let’s just pray for them especially for the people who just lost their jobs and the family affected.

Carry on, carry on!