My cute ass was dragged all weekday for IELTS review last week, and as if that weren’t enough, I had to speak in front of everyone every damn day. It was the speaking module week, that’s why. I just got so nervous without any warning and I usually can’t speak straight when I’m scared! I kept trying to shake off the uneasiness by thinking about funny or good memories but it was no help. Really, the more I tried the more it worsened.
Just earlier, I asked a friend a question that resulted to a misunderstanding between us. What happened was that friend replied something stupid to my question making me feel like a fool. And now I’m hurt that’s why, I’m drawing away my attention to anything that won’t trigger my mind to remember the incident.
So today I find myself asking what is a good distraction from things I don’t want to think?
After a thought…
All I can think about is I’m crazy to assume that any diversion would work. I realize I probably just have to face it head-on and give myself a break. Well, how about just speaking freely not caring about possible mistakes or just letting myself stutter until I can finally fucking deliver it clearly? Like why worry about that friend when I know it wouldn’t be a freakin’ lost if I lose that one person? I mean just do your thing and stop worrying, self.
It makes sense, right? I can’t worry about everything all at once. There’s just so much to do and only hours in a day. Just one fucking thing at a time. If certain fate is meant to be yours, then what’s the rush? I know it is easier to say and realize all of these things than actually doing and applying it in life. But I think when you know what’s going on, you’ll actually find a way to make it right—well, at least you’ve made you’re first step to the lifeline.